CHAPTER 2
"Is this the house?" Jack asked.
"Yeah." Grunner grunted, ignoring his partner and slowly making his way up the steps to the door.
"How are we going to tell her Grunner?"
"Dunno." He said, pressing the doorbell.
"What is that supposed to mean!? How could you be going to a woman's house to tell her her son is, uh, gone, and not have a plan!" Jack said, his eyes darting first to Grunner's face, then back to the door.
Grunner looked at his new partner for a minute, a mixture of disgust and amusement evident on his face. Why did they have to give me the twitchy one? He wondered, but didn't say anything out loud.
Suddenly the door opened and a tall, thin woman with glasses and a mousy brown ponytail stared back at them. Her eyes widened slightly with surprise and she adjusted her glasses.
“Hello, are you Miss Kirone?” Grunner said, shooting Jack a hard look that said, 'don't go all spazzy on me now boy.'
“Um, yes that’s me.” she said; opening the door a little wider and taking a step back.
Generally after making sure they're talking to the right person, the cops would introduce themselves-- standard procedure.
She looked at the two men before her carefully, one of them was big and burly with a hard look around his eyes and judging by his confident stance he was probably the boss in this outfit. The other one was astoundingly handsome, with tousled black hair and a weak, nervous look about him.
Good short description. You moved right on with the story. Nice job.They took a step inside and under the bright light of her kitchen she was able to see the detective badges attached to their chests. How odd, she thought, usually robot cops took care of normal matters. what could have happened?
“Do you have a son named Kyle Kirone?” the big burly one asked. She laughed; what had Kyle gotten himself into this time?
wouldn't she need to identify the body or something?“Yeah, that’s my son. What has he done this time?” she asked, leaning against the counter.
“Um, well I don’t really know how to say this….” The handsome one said nervously, obviously uncomfortable, “Well you see your son, he ,um, well…..”
The burly cop shot an irritated glance at his partner and took a small step forward.
“We found your son’s body a few hours ago.” he said quietly.
She froze; all the color drained out of her face and she felt her heart stop and her blood freeze in her veins.
“What?” she said hoarsely, the sound barely escaping from her dry throat.
“He’s dead,” the cop said clearly. She went numb; it didn’t make sense. Dead? What did that mean? It was a strange word, one that didn’t seem appropriate, considering the context.
She simply could not figure out what he was talking about, and she had to ask again.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“Your son is dead. I’m very sorry.” the man said, not sounding sorry at all. And then, finally clarity came to her and hit her like a ton of bricks. Dead.
Her legs gave out beneath her and she fell to the floor, gasping for breath between her hysterical sobs.
“Kyle!” she screamed over and over, clutching her chest. The cops stood stoically above her, watching her agony without expression.
“H-he can’t be dead! He was only going to school! He’ll be home in a few hours!” she screamed looking up at them with desperation. They only shook their heads.
“No.”
Her body sunk lower to the floor, as though a heavy weight had been dropped onto her shoulders. Her forehead touched the hard tile floor, her hands were palm down, stretched out in front of her and her knees were brought close to her chest.
“Please,” she whispered, remaining in her kneeling position, “Tell me how he died.”
The handsome one squirmed and looked away uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry, we can’t divulge that information.” the big one said.
She looked up, her eyes red and her face ragged.
“I’m his mother,” she said, looking at the handsome one in the eyes. He looked away and said nothing.
“I’m his mother!” She screamed again, but the one who had done all the talking thus far shook his head.
“I’m very sorry but-“ he started to say but she cut him off.
“You’re not sorry at all!” she screamed, “I’ve lost my only son! And you’re telling me that I can’t even know how he died!?”
On shaking legs she stood up, her knuckles turning white from the effort of trying to elevate herself.
“Get out,” she whispered, leaning against the counter with her entire weight.
They didn’t need to be told twice.
______________________________________________________________
“Did you have to be so blunt about it?” Jack said to his partner after they had stepped outside. Jack had only been working with Detective Grunner for two weeks, but he had quickly learned that ,if anything, he was a cold, no nonsense kind of guy.
Grunner lifted his eyebrows in obvious disbelief.
“I didn’t see you telling her anything. Besides, did you see her face? How could I possibly tell her the truth? She would’ve been devastated.”
“Well you could have at least told her a lie, tell her he got hit by a car or whatever. I mean, I know that telling a woman that her son was eaten alive by a bunch of monsters is a little uncouth but you could have said something right?” Jack continued.
“I’m not going to lie to a grieving woman Jack, not for her sake but for mine. If I lied to her now I would be haunted by it. I don’t need that s**t; if you want to lie to her, you do it.” Grunner turned away from his new partner and climbed into the squad car. Jack reluctantly followed.
As they climbed in Jack heard a beep come from Grunner’s emergency beeper. Grunner pressed the button and a hologram appeared.
“Grunner! Get the hell over here now!” the boss seemed agitated and Jack leaned over so he was in direct view of the hologram.
“What’s the matter, Chief?” Jack said, obviously trying to worm his way into the conversation. The boss ignored him.
“God damn it Grunner, they escaped.”
“Who escaped?” Jack asked again, and finally the Chief looked at him.
“The Birdmen.”
_____________________________________________________________
“How the hell did they escape!?” Grunner demanded, stomping into the main office building and walking right up to the chief’s desk. Jack had to sprint to follow his long strides.
“Hell if I know but they left a note. We didn’t notice when we first found the body, but it was right next to it,” the Chief said, handing Grunner the note. Jack leaned in so he could read what it said as well.
Isnt' it strange that they didn't notice what was made obvious? Maybe you should write out the scene of the discovery of the body. It may slow the story down a little, but it would make everything more plausible.‘One down, eight million more to go.’
“You have got to be kidding me,” Grunner said, handing the note back to his boss. The Chief looked angry.
“Well, I’m not, and we’ve seemed to have lost trace of them.”
“How many escaped?”
“All of them.”
“Wait a minute, all of them? You just mean the ones in the fifth district right, the ones where the boy was found?”
“Nope. All of them. all the cages on the continent were opened.”
Grunner slammed his fist on the desk with enough force to cause the artificial wood to crack a little.
“Are you kidding me!? What were those damn guards doing? How could this go unnoticed!?”
“It had already been happening over the course of the last few months. Because of that damn vegetation that those cages have, the Birdmen could escape without being noticed. The fifth district was actually the last to escape, and they left us that nice little note I showed you earlier.”
It doesn't seem to fit that they went months without being discovered. Maybe they've been creating they're escape for months, but the birdmen actually GONE for months?
And it's repetitive to mention the note again. Grunner’s face fell and he slowly sunk into a chair, rubbing his eyes with his hands.
“What are we going to do?” he asked.
“We have to capture them one by one, like we did when they were first put in the cage,” the boss replied.
“But how many are there?” Grunner asked, although he already knew the answer. The Chief sighed.
“Approximately six million,” The boss said, laughing a little, “They have us beat. We’ve been underestimating them for far too long.”
Grunner shook his head and stood up, “Well, what I don’t understand is why we’re standing here talking about it when we should be rounding them up. Since apparently they’re so hard to find, each cop should hunt down a specific district and try to get as many as they can from that one.”
Wouldn't it be easier to just kill them? I mean, that's, in a way, genocide, but if they're murderers.... The boss raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? Now what district were you planning to take Grunner?”
“Fifth.” he replied quickly.
The chief smiled, “How’d I know you’d pick that one?”
____________________________________________________________
Grunner decided it would be best to act immediately, so he left the office with a gun, the note that the Birdmen left and his partner, Jack, in tow.
“Hey Grunner! What the hell are you doing!? Everyone knows the Birdmen are dangerous! We should take some time to think about how we should do this,” Jack said, running in order to keep up.
He was getting tired of this. He had wanted to be a police officer for as long as he could remember. To save people, to hunt down criminals and to be praised as a hero. It was the closest thing to a superhero he had ever heard about in real life.
If he's been wanting to hunt down criminals all his life, why is he being a coward about hunting down the Birdmen??Nothing was going as planned. From the moment he stepped into the police station he was ignored, assigned to a guy that obviously didn’t need or want his assistance and nobody even bothered to tell him about what was going on half the time. He had no idea that it would be so hard.
Finally Grunner seemed to tire of Jack’s constant chattering and stopped to face him.
“Let me explain something to you, Jack, was it?” Grunner said, “The only reason you even became an officer was ‘cause your daddy pulled some strings. You have no skill, no experience, and frankly your attitude leaves something to be desired. I don’t need you, nobody needs you.”
Jack’s first reaction was shock, but just as it usually did, his shock turned into anger.
“Give me a chance to prove myself! How could you possibly judge me when I haven’t even done anything yet!?” he screamed, and several people turned to stare.
Grunner laughed, “That’s just, it isn’t it? You haven’t done anything.”
misplaced comma“What the hell is that supposed to mean!” Jack yelled louder, drawing even more attention to their argument. He didn’t care.
“Figure it out,” Grunner replied, and he walked away, leaving Jack fuming behind him.
“s**t!” Jack stomped into his apartment and threw his tie against the wall.
Threw his tie against a wall?? How does that work if it's still around his neck? lol. Just a technicality that confuses the reader at first. “Yo Jack, what happened? They ignore ya again?” A twelve year old girl with blonde pigtails said. She was lying upside down on the couch, eating a popsicle.
If later it is revealed that the girl isn't really twelve, you should say "a twelve-year-old LOOKING girl" as not to have the reader confused in any possible way. “God damn it, Mom! Why the hell are you here again? And stop mooching all my popsicles!” He snatched the Popsicle from her mouth and threw it in the trash.
Nice introduction to a twist in the futuristic world.“Hey! I was eatin’ that!” she yelled, standing up.
“I am not in the mood for this! Where the hell is Dad!? Aren’t you his secretary?” he said, flopping onto the couch. She laughed and flopped down next to him.
“He’s off doing politic-ey things, and he said that I’d just get in the way.”
Jack sighed, “Why do I have to have a mother who looks and acts younger than me? You’re fifty three for god’s sake! Stop taking that damn shot and grow up already!”
“Oh please, I like staying twelve, your father likes staying forty and you…. Well, you can decide what you want to do for yourself. But I’m sure my physical appearance isn’t what’s botherin’ you. What’s up?”
“Why the hell should I tell you!? You don’t care anyway!” he said, and she sighed.
“Of course I care. Honey, what’s wrong?” she said, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.
He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Even though she still looked like a twelve year old, she was acting a little more like a mother, so he decided to open up to her a little.
“Why did I want to become a cop so bad anyway? If I knew it would be so hard I wouldn’t have even bothered.”
Suddenly she drew her hand back and stood up.
“How dare you say that!” she said, and lifting up her hand she slapped
him across the face.
That's a little dramatic for something so small and ordinary (talking about the discouragement).“What the hell was that for!?” he screamed, rubbing his face gingerly.
“Anything worth having is worth fighting for, I thought I at least taught you that, but I guess I’m a worse mother than I thought. I’m not sure what Grunner said to make you this mad but whatever it is I’m sure he’s right,” she said coldly. She grabbed her jacket and left, slamming the door behind her.
“What the hell kind of mother are you! You’re supposed to side with me remember!?” He screamed after her.
He couldn’t believe it, everyone was against him. He hadn’t even done anything wrong.
Jack laid down on his back and stared at the ceiling. He felt like he was missing something, something that everyone else could see. What was it?
Honestly, throughout the chapter Jack has seemed like a minor character because of his personality. I almost expected him to die by a Birdman attacking him at the end of the chapter. haha. I'm sure he'll play a bigger role later, but, since everyone views him as a pathetic, scared cop at this point, he seems insignificant in the story. Comparitively, Grunner seems ready to take action and be the hero of our story.
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