|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 12:36 pm
1/15/10 ok so i was with this one guy,(chris), for a couple of weeks and he broke up with me and told me that we were just taking a break and i agreed, and i made a promise to him that i would remain single until we got back together, but i broke that promise and i got with this amazing guy,(justin), <3 he found out that i broke his promise and we were fighting for a while about it but justin at the time new nothing about it so i told him the whole story and about three or four weeks into our relationship, on the 20th of december, he broke my heart
1/17/10 ok so now i am in a fight with chris, apparently he cheated on me with this one chick named briana and i talked to her today and me and her are like best friends now and we both hate him, he is denying ever cheating on either of us but we both know that he did i yelled at him and i let out all my anger and rage and i shared my feelings which i never do!! ... 2 and a half hours later... ok so i talked to him and it was all a big missunderstanding!!!!!!!!!! he DID cheat, but he didnt kno exactly what he was doing cuz me and him are in this off and on relationship and he was confused cuz me and him were supposed to get back together on christmas day, but we didnt, so he asked out the other girl and then me and him went back out on the 28th of december, he broke up with her on new years day, and he broke up with me on the 6th of jannuary, so yea... but me and him are still friends and i told him that idk if me and him will ever get back together because if me and my current bf dont work out, i will give up on guys, AND MY BOYFRIEND LEIGHTON FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY!!!
1/19/10 ok now just when i thought everything was starting to fall back into place, BOOM!! my world comes crashing down!! my boyfriend is cheating on me and i heard that he has been cheating the whole time!! i have cried myself to sleep every night for the past month!!! and now everything is all ******** up again and i did nothing to deserve it!!! so next time that i talk to him i am going to confront him and breakup with him and people are saying that it could be worse, like maybe IM IN LOVE WITH HIM, and maybe HES TEARING ME APART, and just maybe, I GIVE UP!!!! IM DONE WITH GUYS!!!!!! and my best friend, ashley, is in love with me and i might be in love with her to...but unlike some people,(leighton), i dont cheat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1/19/10 ok so now the deal is,.... me and leighton broke up like 10 minutes ago and now i am dating Ashley, the best girl ever and she is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!so yea i am soo happy that i dont have to deal with leighton any more!! my life is slowly being put back together considering that i am done with guys!!! and i have the most amazing girlfriend ever!!! i KNOW that me and her will last a long time because we have had this connection for almost four years now so i hope for the best!!! <3
1/20/10 ok so now i think that my girlfriend might be cheating on me because my friend told me that this one guy named eric told her that he was going out with ashley, my girlfriend and i called ashley and asked her about it and she told me that she said that she might give him another chance and i asked why and all she said was "i don't know" and i kept asking her questions and she kept saying that she didnt know to all of the questions and then she told me that she would call me back and she never did and i tried to call her back multiple times and she was on the phone with someone the whole time so, i dont know what is currently going on, but i hope that me and her stay together!!!!!
1/21/10 honestly, i don't even know why i bother with relationships, they always end up the same, i get hurt, i cry myself to sleep every night, i ask myself, "why does this have to happen to me, what did i do wrong, i try to do everything right and make it all work, why-just WHY" i just dont understand!?!? im afraid that ashley is going to do the same as everyone else did to me!!! i dont want to lose her!! i love her with all my heart!! if i lose her, then i will lose everything i have left in my life. maybe it's not me, maybe it's everyone else
1/21/10 i just got off the phone with my ex-boyfriend, justin, and me and him might end up back together if me and ashley don't work out, so i was talking to him and he was telling me how sorry he was that he had hurt me so bad and he never realized how much he hurt me until he talked to everyone else and they told him what i told them, which is pretty much, i was in love with him, he broke my heart, my world started to fall apart, i cried myself to sleep every night since december 20th, and im still in love with him and i can't stop thinking about him, so he kept saying how sorry he was, and i told him that it was ok and he was like, no, it's not ok! i hurt one of the few girls that i was actually in love with, and i said, your right justin, it's not, ok, i just like to pretend that it is so i don't have to think about it as much and we were just talking about it and i started to cry because i love him so much and i really do want him back!! (ashley knows about all of this by the way, she doesn't care if i am with her and a guy) so then his mom told him to get off of the phone so im like ok and he said "bye babe" and i was like "bye i love you" and then we hung up!! im so happy that me and him are talking again and that we are falling in love all over again i just cant believe it is really happening!! so i hope that me and him do get back together soon, and my life is almost full now but he is the last piece of my life that needs to be put back in its place... my heart!!
1/22/10 i am so much happier with leighton out of my life!! he treated me like crap, and i had finally had enough!! i might try and see if we can still talk and be friends because as a friend, he is pretty cool, but i wouldn't plan on getting back into a relationship with him. i cried myself to sleep last night like i do every night, but yea im so happy that me and justin are starting to talk again and that i am falling for him all over again
1/23/10 ok so chris told me that this was the first time that he had ever cheated on anyone and that he didn't realize what he was doing, but i talked to a few of his ex girlfriends and they told me that he has cheated alot of times before, so not only did he cheat on me, he lied to me about never cheating before
1/23/10 so i am going to go to see a movie tomorrow with my girlfriend ashley, we are going to see avatar!! yay im so happy i have heard that it is a great movie i cant wait to see it and to spend some more time with ashley...as if i don't see her enough!! lol jk i love any time that i get to spend with her!! <3
1/24/10 omg!! <3 me and ashley saw the movie today and we went to see avatar it was such a great movie, we saw it in 3-D!! we were cuddling almost the whole movie and it was almost 3 hours long i think, after we got home we cuddled some more...and alot of other things happend... wink wink lol but yea it was a great movie and what made it even better was that i had the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, the most beautiful, amazing girl ever rite by my side!! <3 i love her so much!!
1/25/10 i think that my girlfriend, ashley, might be hiding something from me because i asked her for her email password because my friend kara wanted to send me a picture and she cant send it to my email, so i told her to send it to ashley and i would check it. so i asked her for her password and i told her that kara sent a picture that she wants me to see and she kept studdering and trying to come up with an excuse as to why i couldnt look at one picture, i mean, come on im her girlfriend and she trusts me, and we have known eachother for almost 4 years, what could she be hiding from me!?!?! so as soon as i find out what she is hiding from me i will let you know, and i dont see why it is such a problem now considering she has given me her password before, and she said that her email has some kind of virus, and that didnt seem to be a problem when she was over here yesterday checking her email, so she IS hiding something from me!!!!.... can i trust her!?!?!?
1/26/10 ok so maybe ashley was not hiding anything from me, but she was acting weird about the whole situation. i eavesdropped on her conversation with my friend steven aka shadow, and she was telling him how my friend kyle aka ghost hates her, and ghost is like a brother to me, and she was telling shadow how ghost is trying to turn me against her and he is telling me that ashley is cheating on me and she thinks that i dont trust her because of ghost, i did have some doubt about trusting her, but now i am sure that i can trust her, so yea if ghost tries to tell me some more s**t and lies about her then i will tell him, ill say "look, ashley is my girlfriend, i have known her for almost 4 years, i have had my doubts about trusting her and she does have a history of cheating, but after hearing her and shadow talking, i know that she has changed for me and jimmy, she even told me that before me and her got together, so yea i trust her now and i hope that there will be no more questions about it" and if he wants to keep trying to turn me against her, then i will just stop talking to him-- thats it, i love her, i trust her and i wont let anyone else tell me otherwise!!!!!
1/28/10
i got my phone taken away for a few weeks or a month or so because of the chatline that i go on, and i really cant talk to ashley for a while =( i started cutting again =( i just have so much s**t going on in my life and i was thinking about suicide, but i cant do it, ashley is my only reason not to do it!! i wrote her a poem, and i actually wrote it all by myself...i suck at writing poems and songs, but tell me what you think about this one......
'i look at the razor blade, and i just cant resist, the way that it feels, as it slaughters my wrist, slicing my veins--i love the pain-- as the blood drips down my arm like rain, as i am lying in my bed, only the thought of you running through my head, my brain is dead, and if it wasnt for you, i would be too, Ashley, i love you, and i cant wait to look in your eyes and say "I DO", i try to think about suicide, although it is hard with you on my mind, YOU are the reason that my heart still beats, YOU are the reason that i still breath, baby just let me say one more thing, please dont leave, YOU are all that i need!!' this poem was written for the most amazing, beautiful, girl ever, ashley marie stolte, i love you baby
1/29/10 omg i got my phone taken away icon_crying.gif Ashley might be coming over today or tomorrow!! YAY i cant wait to see her again, so yea, i really got nothing else to say rite now, so i will let you all know other stuff later i guess!??
2/2/10 ... i still cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT, why? i dont understand why i care so much about my past that it still leaves me depressed and crying myself to sleep each and every night. i dont know why i still care, i am HAPPY with ashley, she is all that i need. i was so in love with justin and just out if nowhere, he let me down, he left me with no good reason, leighton treated me like s**t, chris played with my heart....... Ashley is perfect, i trust her 100%, i love her with all my heart, she is ALL THAT I WILL EVER NEED, she completes me, she was the missing piece of my broken heart, what will i ever do if i ever lose her?!?!
that is my true love/hate story...so far
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 6:17 pm
wow a lot has happened to you
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 6:35 pm
xBittersweet_Nightshadex wow a lot has happened to you yea ALOT!! and alot has happened to you 2, i read "confessions of angie"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:25 am
xXemo_souls_flyXx xBittersweet_Nightshadex wow a lot has happened to you yea ALOT!! and alot has happened to you 2, i read "confessions of angie" *nods* though yours happened in a smaller time frame
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 7:17 am
yea, im sorry to hear about everything that has happened to you, it has got to be really hard, but you are a strong person, you got through it ... so far, you will get through everything.. you are strong.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:03 pm
xXemo_souls_flyXx yea, im sorry to hear about everything that has happened to you, it has got to be really hard, but you are a strong person, you got through it ... so far, you will get through everything.. you are strong. I'm not that strong Strong to resist the lure of suicide perhaps ,but other self destructive activities with less deadly outcomes in most cases I'm not string enough to resist.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:27 pm
same here, i have attempted suicide a few times before, but i cant resist cutting and burning, it kills the pain, it lets it all out...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 3:04 pm
Umm I think this belongs in the confessions subforum, not the main forum.
So I'm moving it to the right place.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 6:32 pm
_-Mitsubachi-_-Fujin-_ Umm I think this belongs in the confessions subforum, not the main forum. So I'm moving it to the right place. ok =] sorry i posted it in the wrong place.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 7:16 pm
it's ok. =3
Anyways, in regards to your whole post, I have to say this,
you sound a lot like me when I was 14.
I can tell you right now, even though you think you're so madly in love with people (it's the age) you really won't understand it until you are older and more mature (like 17 is when I really realize what love entailed)
There's a lot of rebounding that has gone on with you and really... I know it's not nice, but you brought a lot of pain and suffering upon yourself.
Like jumping from one person to the next? You're really young still.. and the relationships that you have had were never so serious, regardless of how you feel right now, it's all puppy love.
Until you find the one who truly captures you.. and believe me you won't realize for a long time, and I know what you're going to say, that you have found many people that have captured you.. if that was true your relationships wouldn't be soooo... on-off-"I hate my life, they don't love me" kind of BS. I can completely understand what you're thinking though, I mean when I was a young teen my first relationship was ridiculous. 2 Weeks into us dating I thought I was in love, even told her I loved her.. she broke up with me a month later and I thought my earth was shattering beneath my feet. we got back together the next day and a year later I realized I wasn't in love with her yet.. I was falling in love with her, but I wasn't in love. It's now been almost 6 years later and I can truly say I'm madly in love with her now.. and looking back at me when I was younger, it's very typical teenager stuff that I was feeling.
And the whole cutting thing, you need to stop doing that.
Deep down half of it is for attention, the other half is you just not dealing with your life. again I went through this whole ordeal, I was cutting for a year before my gf made me stop. I wasn't dealing with all my issues and honestly... part of the reason I did it was because I wanted the attention, mostly from my parents in fact.. and look where that winded up, my own father is in jail because he's a *****... so I never have and never will get that attention from him.
If I kept dealing with my problems that way my arms and legs would be covered from tip to end in scars, it's bad enough my arms are still scarred from doing it, I get really self conscious about it when people notice the scars.. all because I was being an angst ridden teenager.
*sigh*
I really am not trying to be mean.. it's just I've already been there, done that... you really sound like my 14/15 year old self and it's weird to see because I'm such a different person now.
And honestly, DON'T.JUMP.INTO.RELATIONSHIPS! Just because one didn't work out doesn't mean jumping into another right away means it's going to work out. Higher your standards for peet sakes, friends should stay friends... unless you're very, very serious about one you like and they really really, like you back. That was my gf and I. If it didn't work out the first time it probably won't work out the second time or the third time.
And I know you won't even take in half of this... young people don't seem to any more cause they know what's best and adults are wrong.. believe me I thought the same thing and it wasn't that long ago that I was this young and thinking my life was awful and no one understood me and adults were wrong.. it was only 5 years ago that I was 15 and having plenty of teen drama in my relationship which seems petty now compared to what i face now a days.
and also, you do realize that being a lesbian means you don't like guys.. not sexually, not for a relationship, nothing like that.
You are what we call bisexual =O
Now me.. I maybe bisexual but I also hate men (father complex) and can't ever see myself being with one, so half the time I tell people I'm a lesbian because I've never been with a guy nor do I have any want to be with me (I have exceptions)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Heavy_m3tal_hippy Vice Captain
|
Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 7:45 pm
So.... many.... words!!!! ********, I know you're not proud of most of the stuff but... goddamn, I wish I was THAT interesting XD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:57 am
_-Mitsubachi-_-Fujin-_ it's ok. =3 Anyways, in regards to your whole post, I have to say this, you sound a lot like me when I was 14. I can tell you right now, even though you think you're so madly in love with people (it's the age) you really won't understand it until you are older and more mature (like 17 is when I really realize what love entailed) There's a lot of rebounding that has gone on with you and really... I know it's not nice, but you brought a lot of pain and suffering upon yourself. Like jumping from one person to the next? You're really young still.. and the relationships that you have had were never so serious, regardless of how you feel right now, it's all puppy love. Until you find the one who truly captures you.. and believe me you won't realize for a long time, and I know what you're going to say, that you have found many people that have captured you.. if that was true your relationships wouldn't be soooo... on-off-"I hate my life, they don't love me" kind of BS. I can completely understand what you're thinking though, I mean when I was a young teen my first relationship was ridiculous. 2 Weeks into us dating I thought I was in love, even told her I loved her.. she broke up with me a month later and I thought my earth was shattering beneath my feet. we got back together the next day and a year later I realized I wasn't in love with her yet.. I was falling in love with her, but I wasn't in love. It's now been almost 6 years later and I can truly say I'm madly in love with her now.. and looking back at me when I was younger, it's very typical teenager stuff that I was feeling. And the whole cutting thing, you need to stop doing that. Deep down half of it is for attention, the other half is you just not dealing with your life. again I went through this whole ordeal, I was cutting for a year before my gf made me stop. I wasn't dealing with all my issues and honestly... part of the reason I did it was because I wanted the attention, mostly from my parents in fact.. and look where that winded up, my own father is in jail because he's a *****... so I never have and never will get that attention from him. If I kept dealing with my problems that way my arms and legs would be covered from tip to end in scars, it's bad enough my arms are still scarred from doing it, I get really self conscious about it when people notice the scars.. all because I was being an angst ridden teenager. *sigh* I really am not trying to be mean.. it's just I've already been there, done that... you really sound like my 14/15 year old self and it's weird to see because I'm such a different person now. And honestly, DON'T.JUMP.INTO.RELATIONSHIPS! Just because one didn't work out doesn't mean jumping into another right away means it's going to work out. Higher your standards for peet sakes, friends should stay friends... unless you're very, very serious about one you like and they really really, like you back. That was my gf and I. If it didn't work out the first time it probably won't work out the second time or the third time. And I know you won't even take in half of this... young people don't seem to any more cause they know what's best and adults are wrong.. believe me I thought the same thing and it wasn't that long ago that I was this young and thinking my life was awful and no one understood me and adults were wrong.. it was only 5 years ago that I was 15 and having plenty of teen drama in my relationship which seems petty now compared to what i face now a days. and also, you do realize that being a lesbian means you don't like guys.. not sexually, not for a relationship, nothing like that. You are what we call bisexual =O Now me.. I maybe bisexual but I also hate men (father complex) and can't ever see myself being with one, so half the time I tell people I'm a lesbian because I've never been with a guy nor do I have any want to be with me (I have exceptions) WAS bisexual... gave up on guys , was never relly attracted to them in the first place, guys are freinds nothing more to me, i wasted my time with guys, thank you so much, you are great with advice, i will keep it all in mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:41 pm
xXemo_souls_flyXx same here, i have attempted suicide a few times before, but i cant resist cutting and burning, it kills the pain, it lets it all out... I have never attempted suicide thought about it but it would just make a person or two very very depressed and possibly one of them kill themselves. But I have started SI mildly recently
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 8:41 pm
xXemo_souls_flyXx WAS bisexual... gave up on guys , was never relly attracted to them in the first place, guys are freinds nothing more to me, i wasted my time with guys, thank you so much, you are great with advice, i will keep it all in mind. ah got-cha. I am kinda like that too I guess.. well honestly I don't know what I am half the time. I have an asian complex lol.. love them.. would love to be with an asian guy.. but it's very different than being with a white guy here (I have no problems with race.. more like I have issues with white men.. again due to my dad) I feel like I rather give up on men before i even start with them.. seeing how awful my parents relationship was the last 9 years I was around for it was awful.. the a-hole went from being a great dad to be an awful, self absorbed jerk who was awful to his youngest daughter and telling his oldest daughter (me) was an horrible because she was with a girl and not a guy and how I was a liar because I confronted him about his problems.. Like I feel like women are more of a comfort and safe place, it's more a emotional relationship and not so much as physical. Btw... if you got through my whole post, kudos... I feel like an a**, just know I wasn't trying to be an a** to you, I just hate seeing people make things harder than they are and sweating the little things. Trust me, life isn't so bad right now... some times I'd take being 14 again rather than being 20 now. lol *feels too old right now* I feel like I should be saying "back in my day, we only had a stick and a pine cone to play with, and damn we enjoyed that stick and pine cone" lmao (... yeah not that old... that sounds more like my late grandmother lol) But who knows. Your current relationship, how is that going? One good piece of advice I can give you for your current relationship with you girl is to communicate! That really does lead to a very successful relationship 3nodding And I mean, you're relationship is young right now, you're both young... but I know I can't be judgmental of that because my gf and I were 14 when we started dating and even though we've had a lot of bumps to get through, we're still together and still loving each other as much as possible. (When I was 16/17 we had a lot of problems and were on and off for half a year.. it was really hard and I was miserable. I had a sudden obsession with Tokio Hotel because the music spoke out to me... it's all I listened to for 3 months straight... I mean I basically just shut down completely... and then we had a trip with my parents because I was going to see Tokio Hotel for their first club concert in Canada, so she came with me.. and a week after that I realized I couldn't stand to not be with her... came back begging on my hands and knees to her... and I'm hoping even now she doesn't regret taking me back) Oh gosh! I'm sorry >___< I really get side tracked when I try to give advice... I feel like sharing my own experiences help people take me a bit more seriously when I post something... I just never mean to write a damn novel and end up doing just that. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
