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I'm not really angry, just really confused, and I guess pretty pissed at myself...I'll see if writing it down makes anything clearer. =]

Basically, last summer I met this Guy and liked him pretty much from the start. I didn't think he liked me back, but this summer we started seeing eachother more and hanging out just us and stuff and eventually he liked me back. It was kinda complicated, like we didn't actually say we were going out, it was just kinda a fact - well at least it was for me. Then on boxing day we were saying goodbye and he told me he loved me, and I just felt sick. I HATE the word love, espcially since we weren't really in a serious relationgship, and hadn't even told anyone we were going out (Though aparently we were just seeing eachother, thats why he didn't tell anybody >.<) I hated myself because I knew I liked him a lot, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to say it back. =[ Anyway he offically asked me out that night, and I said yes, but when I went home I couldn't stop feeling all sick because of that "Love" thing. I told him when I next saw him that it didn't feel right, since it had been a few days and I felt the same, and he was extremely understanding and everything. Anyway, I don't think it was really clear enough on how I felt. =/ Well I didn't really know myself, thats probably why, but we kept on seeing eachother, going to the cinema and him walking me home from work and stuff just we were more like mates I thought. Anyway recently he told me he loved me again, and again I couldn't reply. I told him love was a hard thing for me to say, and he said it was hard for him as well but thats what he really felt, and he thought I felt it too. I felt s**t because it was like I was leading him on when I'm not! I do like him! I just don't love him, and I don't think I wanna go out with him again =[ I thought I did though, so thats where he thinks I am, and I am worried he was serious when he told me he was getting me a valentines day presant. I need to let him know before then, but I have no idea what to say! "Sorry Morgan I did like you a lot but then you said you loved me and I didn't anymore and then I did again but now I think I just wanna be friends" - i don't think that would do, plus I'd just feel like a complete b***h. He's a realllly nice guy and I don't want to hurt him. T~T

On top of that I have another friend called Morgan (Please don't point out the irony its been done many a time -.-) and he thinks he's in love with me - but I don't like him in that way one bit and never have. He's extremelllly good looking but I can't see anything but adorableness, and when he told me I was caught completely offguard. I told him i didn't feel about him in the same way, but instead of being extremely accepting like Morgan #1 (>.<) he went into this terrible sort of self hating phase. There wasn't a whole lot I could do, but I tried my best and made sure he knew it was no big deal him telling me, and I didn't think of him any different. Since then, he's turned into a bit of an a*****e. He found out me and Morgan #1 went out and do you know what the first thing he said was? To Morgan#1 himself?? "Oh, but wait, won't you be like 18 by the time she's "Legal?" - I know he was just rying to make Morgan#1 feel bad or something but age does not matter, and Morgan#1 doesn't like me for bloody sex. I can't believe he said that to him, and I was pretty damn violated and angry about it. I found out also that he lied to me about his mother (He said things like she was an alchoholic and was horrid to him) and only became a vegatarian to have something in common with me. By this time I was pretty pissed with anyway. I was fed up of his constant complaining about him and his life and making a drama out of every little thing, and for the first time we got in an argument. It felt kind of good to let it all out, but he just used it as an excuse for more ******** drama. We made up the other day, (He didn't apologise, he just said we should forget about it) and I've just given up with him. he still insists to people he "Loves" me, but I don't pay him attention any more. Just looking at him irritates me, though I try not to show it.

To makes things worse I now think I may have a crush on Chris, this guy I've been friends for for a lonnng time, but never even considered the possibility of liking him, probably because of everything with the Morgans. (laugh) He's the kinda of guy who has loads of friends who are girls, and everyone loves him, but he hasn't got a girlfriend. I know who he likes though, and it isn't me.

I feel crap for not liking Morgan#1 anymore.
I feel guilty for having taken so long to make up my mind about it.
I feel angry at Morgan#2 for taking so long to get over me, and himself.
I feel miserible that I'm so self absorbed I moved from liking one guy to another just like that.
I feel terrified of how I'm going to tell Morgan#1.
I feel completely worn out by everything.

I HATE FREEKIN' ENGLISH HOMEWORK!!! scream

I feel better ^ 3^

ME TOO! Woot!
xDDD

i still want a cookie!!! Dx

thank you racing-chan!!!!! ^w^ om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

Oh man O.O As much as I want to say stalk them and kick their a**, I think the only thing you can do is hope that she'll be wiser to them next time. That sucks though, what a bunch of jerks!! If I were you, personally, I would have probably called the police for at least the filming part. Is that even legal where you live?? (it isn't where I live o.o )