|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TheGarlicCureButterfly Captain
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:54 pm
At the dawn of the new year, I decided to quit smoking. However, this has brought much anxiety.
It use to be that any time I had an issue, I'd go outside and smoke it away.
But now I can't do that anymore. I actually have to deal with my anxiety head on.
HEAD ON! HEAD ON! HEAD On!
Joking aside.
It's been difficult, especially since I've had to find Alternate ways to stay in shape.
Needless to say I am gong through that " I'm so fat, i wanna starve myself"
I feel huge, I feel floppy and jiggly and I can't flipping stand it.
My boyfriend says I look fine, but I don't beleive him. I think I look fat.
My thighs feel huge, my a** feels, huge and the only thing I don't mind getting bigger are my breasts.
My waist line feels huge. Perhaps it's just anxiety.
but I feel like I eat too much.,
i hate being a woman sometimes...there is so much crap i have to deal with physically.
i have constantly worry about being attractive, about how bad I smell, and how fat I am.
It's horrible and I hate it.
I honestly wish I could just be happy with what I got, but I just can't.
I guess it didn't help that my boyfreind use to be attracted to Asians.
Yes, he does love me as I am, but what if some asian b***h comes along with my personality....what if he leaves me for her jsut becuase she's asian and thin and gorgeous/
Me- a 130 pound american girl
Asian b***h- 90 pounds.
take your pic.
maybe I'm just being unfair. just really unfair and not realizing that No asian b***h is gonna come along and take him from me.
He has tried to help me through this anxiety and he feels sad when I go through it.
I even had a night mare about him going for this girl that was taller, skinner and far more talented that me.
I know he would never do that to me, but it was still awful and it makes me want to work harder to be better. To be in more shape, to be prettier, and to be more skilled. I know I can't be taller, but I can be those other things if i just work hard enough.
I don't mind wanting to be better. I don't mind that. But it's the anxiety. i want the anxiety to stop becuase it's killing me, and soon it will be killing Aj, if it's not already killing him. I'm afraid of hurting myself, and indirectly hurting the man that I love through this.
I ask that everyone who reads this prays for me to get throught this and that I become stronger and realize that even if there is no improvement, that I'm not hideous for needing it.
I love Aj with all my heart and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I will not lose Aj to some Asian pop star or some other b***h, but if I hurt myself, i could lose him, because I know he loves me and does not want to see me hurt. It hurts him.
Anyway, this has been why I've spent little time on gaia is becuase I've been obsessed with incessantly moving around just to burn calories. Even being on the computer 5 minutes this week has made me feel like a lazy fat a**.
hopefully that will change once I'm done going throuhg withdrawel, not to mention getting a bit more exersize during the day to where I don't feel so jiggly.
Love.
Tearful Little Diet Girl.
( Those who can guess the reference, get a hundred gold)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:02 pm
130 pounds is a twig, Dagger. I am not much taller than you and I'm about 190. I would kill to be 160 again, but the fact that I prefer being lazy and drink about a gallon of my 'go-go-juice' a day doesn't help me. It sounds to me your thoughts of being fat are just that - thoughts. You are a twig, and I will say it again in a month when I come back home.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TheGarlicCureButterfly Captain
|
Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:29 pm
Suklavo 130 pounds is a twig, Dagger. I am not much taller than you and I'm about 190. I would kill to be 160 again, but the fact that I prefer being lazy and drink about a gallon of my 'go-go-juice' a day doesn't help me. It sounds to me your thoughts of being fat are just that - thoughts. You are a twig, and I will say it again in a month when I come back home.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 9:07 pm
dang girl anxiety much? lol xD but seriously i would love to be 130 pounds. right now im stuck at like 167. im slowly getting there.
maybe i should starve myself. cause i go through that stuff too. i think what if a gorgeous babe came along and took jeremy away from me? but then another part of me tells me that'll never happen cause you're his wife and he's your husband.
for better or worse. haha ok im done xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TheGarlicCureButterfly Captain
|
Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:25 pm
I3unni dang girl anxiety much? lol xD but seriously i would love to be 130 pounds. right now im stuck at like 167. im slowly getting there. maybe i should starve myself. cause i go through that stuff too. i think what if a gorgeous babe came along and took jeremy away from me? but then another part of me tells me that'll never happen cause you're his wife and he's your husband. for better or worse. haha ok im done xD
yeah, i was having really bad anxiety last week. Thankfully it has passed over me . Granted I still get the bloated feeling,b ut it's not as bad as it was. Not to mention me keeping the house in order has stemmed that.
Now I just need to get off my lazy a** and get myself down to county dental and do something about this tooth.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
