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glittlerandnightmares

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:48 pm


Okay i want feedback on this new story im starting, Please R&R. Here's the summary:
Summary:Six friends get stuck in an icy cave after an avalanche on their Christmas Break. Now they will have to find their way out. Will they survive?
"What was that?" I asked, nevously looking around. "I don't know...hey...where's Carmen?" George asked. We looked around the icy cave. Carmen was no where in sight.....
Okay now i'm gonna give you some background info. Cuz you might not understand some parts. The original story is by my friend SweeneyToddgurl. This is her GAIA username, her FICTIONPRESS username is Moviebuff123. So i do not own anything from this story. If you have time go read her story Oceanside Academy.
Okay so anyway here is the background info.:

Background
The main characters are Carmen, Danni, George, Cathy, Kam, and Matt. In Oceanside Academy. They meet eachother while in a plane. They are all flying to a boarding high school for gifted students, who are great in academics, in California. Carmen, George, Matt and Danni all went to the same Middle school. They quickly become friends and always find themselves in some whacky situations.
So now i guess i should tell you a little more about the characters first
Characters:
Carmen:Carmen is a pretty biracial girl with brown eyes and very curly brown hair. She is very nice and sensative, she's the one who keeps the group together. She is obsessed with Sweeney Todd, and boys.
Danni: Daniela, or Danni, is hispanic. She's very agressive and mean sometimes, but her friends all like her. She got in Oceanside Academy not for grades, but for her art. She is very loud and happy all the time.
Cathy:or Catherine, is a very pretty asian. She has short, srtaight, black hair and she waers glasses. She is a straight A student. She's very talented too, she plays many instruments such as the piano and violin.
George: is also a straight A student. He's the nerdy one of the group. He loves Pokemon and Harry Potter, and is constantly picked on my Danni.
Okay so thats the most important parts. Now that you read that here is the first chapter of this story that my the way is called Caved-In This story is for laughs. The first chapter isn't all that funny but it will get there! Okay enough with my babbling. Here you go (Oh and BTW, im really sorry if you spot any typos in there, i have a really bad habit of writing typos!):
Caved-in

Chapter one

(Christmas Break)

Cathy’s POV; Carmen's POV


Cathy

We were all in the lounge, Just hanging out.

Carmen was on the couch watching a movie. George and Kam were talking about who knows what. Danni was listening to her ipod and drawing in her sketch book. Matt was talking on the phone with his dad. And I was studying, as usual. Christmas Break was in three days, and all my teachers decided to give us tests the day before. So now I have five tests in one day!

“Ugh!” I shouted in frustration. “I can’t study for five tests in two days! George, come help me study!” He came over. I handed him a stack of flashcards.

“Oh my god, Cathy. Stop freaking out.” Danni said. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.

“Don’t you have these same tests too?” I asked.

“Yup.” she nodded.

“Then shouldn’t you be studying to?” I asked her.

“Nah not really. I just study the really hard ones, then guess on the rest. Do that, and I’ll guarantee you’ll get an A or a B every time.” she smiled. I rolled my eyes.

“Yea right.”

“Okay, fine, don’t believe me.” she said and looked at the TV. “Oh god, Carmen! What are you watching!” she grimaced and turned away. I looked at the TV. I recognized the movie, it was Sweeney Todd. There was this guy with really tight pants, singing and dancing.

“Ewww.” I said turning away also.

“I can’t look away!” Carmen shouted. We all stared at her and started laughing. Just then Matt hung up his phone and tried to get our attention.

“You guys!” he shouted. When we finally calmed down he continued. “Can I tell you my good news now?” he asked. We nodded. “Okay, how would you guys like to go skiing?” he asked.

“Oh my god! We’re going skiing?!” Danni shouted.

“No, well yes, but my dad is letting us use the cabin we have up in the mountains for the week.” He smiled. We all cheered.

This was the best news I heard all day.

Carmen

“I can’t wait ‘till Christmas break now!” I said happily. This was going to be my first Christmas with my friends.

“Yea this is going to be so awesome!” Cathy agreed.

Danni nodded. “Now all we have to do is pass these tests.” she said and we groaned.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:13 pm


sounds great! this story is a good idea... keep it up

Broken_Angel_xXx
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glittlerandnightmares

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:37 pm


Sarah aka Vampire Girl
sounds great! this story is a good idea... keep it up

Why, thank you!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 9:57 am


I agree with Sarah, and I am impressed with this particular piece, my dear. I must, supremely urge you to continue this story. I have been in the writing and creative universe, as well as the business for it seems like an eternity at times.

I would like to share something with you, if you would permit it, my dear? I go into more extreme depth in my postings in the "Ideas" section of this extraordinary Guild (By the way, Sarah, if you read this, I am honored that you decided to make me a part of this) Anyway, when you are apart of this business and universe, you will undeniably come upon critiques, and people who will not approve of your personal writing style. That is a truth that none can manage to overcome. The biggest names in this industry have to go through that. For instance "Stephanie Meyer," "J.K Rolling" etc. The trick is that everyone has an opinion but what matters is those who take pride in your works, who understand your style and adore your determination.

No matter what anyone else tells you, every single person who has the creativity and ability to write, has the potential to make it in this business. It is up to that person, in this case, YOU to decide if you are truly determined to continue improving, and move forward, no matter what negativity blocks you. You, yourself are your biggest critique. If you do not believe in yourself, you shall surely fail.

I have faith in you, and I have faith in anyone that tries and is determined not to give up

Lady Sorina  

xXxThe_Lady_Of_ChaosxXx

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Writing a book/short story, and need advice? Post your stories here!

 
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