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Pocahontas

So once upon a time there was this pretty girl named Pocahontas. Unlike most disney characters Poca was happy with who she was and what she was doing and didn't want to change anything . . . actually thats a lie. She did want something more. Her father wanted to marry a completely decent guy named Kokoam or something else cool like that but she didnt want to take the "smoother path". One day a ship that looked like clouds sailed by and this super hot guy pops out along with another kinda hot guy (better than Jim but not quite Demitre biggrin ) and a fat purple guy with a dog. The fat purple guy turns out to be evil . . . and the gay of the movie, oh "how [he] glitters". Anyways the hot guys name was John Smith and since they were planning on making a sequel with another John in it everyone always had to call him John Smith so that we wouldnt get confused later stressed . Anyways, poca and johnny the hottie meet up secretly in the woods and sing songs about how colorful the wind is and how were all related to rocks and stuff like that. But wait, wheres the conflict? oh yea the decent guy Kokoum or something. He saw the two perfect-for-each-other-love-birds and got a little jealous so he made some funny noises and was about to kill JS when - wow - the less hot but still ok looking red haired friend of JS SHOOTS KOKOUM!?!?! wow. Death is pretty intence. So redhead runs off leaving JS at the scene of the crime so obviously he gets tied to a pole. Duh. But what do you know, hes not just tied to the pole, he pole sings with poca. Its really scandalous. But it doesnt turn out well and pocas dad wants to kill him anyways. Meanwhile Ratcliffe the purple glittering wonder wants to kill all the "savages" cuz the freakin stole his gorgeous boy-toy. red-hed is kinda sad too, he knows he wont make it to the sequel. Anyways, poca does the signature "No!" thats in all disney movies, and saves JS with her courage and understanding. so everyone turns of Ratcliffe and they all go back to london.

Wait, what about true love you ask?

Doesnt matter, poca gives JS the "i'll be in your heart" pep talk and JS goes back home with his boyfriends. Then the ghost of Mufasa stands in the sky and sends some wind to make the ship go faster . . . well kinda you know thats what was really going on.

And then she goes and falls in love with the other John...*shakes head dissapointedly*