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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:46 am
Since I'm new here, I thought I'd simply start off by sending in the first episode of my story. I would really appreciate honest critiques, and comments. I want to know if It's something people will enjoy reading.
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:47 am
Episode 1: Elemental Rise!
Camryn “Cami” Lewis hummed a tune as she surfed through the internet on her laptop computer. She lay on her bright blue and green bed sheets swinging her legs back and forth behind her. Her room was brightly lit by the lamp on the dresser beside her bed. As she typed in an online chat website, a message popped up on the center of the screen.
Hey Cami, long time no see! I was in town checking out the sights, and I was hoping we could meet. How does Beldum Tower sound? See you there.
Confused, Cami tried to trace the message. She placed a hand on the keyboard, and the screen began to show data of all her recent emails and their dispatchers. This was a strange ability she had acquired at a young age. She couldn’t however, recall as to how she got the skill. She just figured it was a talent that came with her other powers. Cami pushed back her blonde hair, adjusted her crooked glasses and focused on the small list. The email isn’t even here! What is this? She reached for her cell phone on the nearby pillow, and proceeded to dial a number.
Angel Rein lay on his bed in a darkened room reading his favorite novel. The only light in the room was a ball of white floating above the text. A sudden ringing by his ear almost made him jolt up. The cell phone flashed rapidly on the nightstand as it rang. He retrieved it and answered. “Yeah?” It was Cami. “Hi Angel! How are you today?” “The same. Full of disinterest. How about you?” “I’m just perfect! I woke up and immediately got on my laptop. I met a new friend on that chat site I told you about and--” “Never mind!” he grumbled with more disinterest. “What do you want?” “Oh yeah, I forgot!” she giggled. “Hold on. I’m gonna call Alexz.” Angel let out one last impatient groan as Cami clicked over and dialed the other number.
Angel and Cami met only a couple of years ago. Though he is constantly annoyed by her vivacious personality, Angel treasured her as a friend because of her carefree demeanor and care for others. She enjoyed being around him because his dark humor often made her laugh. The two are an ironic pair. Optimism paired with Pessimism. Quite a funny team indeed.
The phone rang three times before it was answered. Angel and Cami realized the phone was on speaker mode. In the background, they heard some rock music playing loudly. A bit too loud, Angel thought. Dancing in the middle of his room was Alexz Payne. He was singing along with the lyrics on the blue television screen. Irritated now, Angel rubbed his temples with his thumb and middle finger. “I’m wasting my minutes for this?” Alexzander “Alexz” Payne sharply turns towards the phone, clearly aware of the crude comment from his negative ally. He stomps to the phone and yells into the receiver. “What was that? Did you say something about my heavenly voice Angel?” “Not at all,” he answered. “But I was referring to that horrifying performance you call singing.” Alexz growled at him. “Don’t make me come over there!” Angel and Alexz never were the most peaceful of friends. They always had something to argue about, be it Angel’s distant mood or Alexz’ sensitivity. But even through all this aggression, the two maintain a strong brotherly relationship. They have a gluttonous disorder in common, so restaurant trips are the only thing that they can happily agree upon. Alexz had to admit, he was surprised when Angel accepted the fact that he was a homosexual. I don’t care who you choose to be with, he says, as long as you don’t try to flirt with me we’re cool. Then there’s Alexz and Cami’s relationship. These two can be equally optimistic, but sometimes Alexz is unable to handle his smaller companion’s bubbly nature. He treats Cami like a baby sister and always stands up for her, even though she is capable to take care of herself. Cami, slightly influenced by her friends’ different personalities, can’t help but make an occasional insult towards Alexz’ weight.
“Or you’ll do what? Sit on me?” Angel shot back. “Don’t tempt me.” Cami giggled, listening to their friendly banter. “Ok guys, that’s enough. I need to call Devi. I’ll be right back.” She clicked over one last time. No answer. “Huh? That’s strange.” She tried again. Still nothing. What’s she doing? Cami transferred back to the boys, sounding worried now. “Guys she’s not answering. You think something’s wrong?” “I’m sure she’s fine.” Angel reassured. “Probably gorging herself in the fridge.” Alexz humored. Cami smiles and nods. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. Let’s go to her house just in case, k? The two sighed and said, “Fine.” and they all hung up.
Devi Anders. A confident and highly curious young woman. She carries herself with the determination of a leader. But she easily loses her motivation when faced with frustration. She also has the tendency to be a little absent minded and simply smiles when the situation seems too complicated to understand. She is the oldest in the group and uses her big sister qualities to protect her friends from whatever might need protection from. The three arrived at the doorstep of their non-responsive older ally. Cami stepped forward and knocked on the door. Instead of Devi, the father answered. “Yeah?” “Hello sir!” Cami greeted cheerfully. “Is Devi home?” “I think so,” he scratched his chin and looked towards the ceiling. “But I haven’t heard from her an a couple hours. She might be sleepin’. You can go on and check.” And with that, they walked inside. Angel turned to Mr. Anders as he went. “Thanks sir” he said. The man nodded. Devi’s room was like a war zone. Clothing was splattered at certain places on the floor. On the walls hung an assortment of different blades from swords and daggers to kunai and other weapons. She obviously has an obsession with sharp, shiny objects; Angel thought when he had first been to her house. They jumped at what they saw when they entered. At the far wall, a large mass of dark pink, sticky goo was plastered. Stuck in the pink glob, was Devi herself, hopelessly struggling to get free. Alexz fought to hold back his laughter. His muffled snickering however, alerted her of their presence. “Oh, uh hey guys,” she greeted, clearly embarrassed. Cami didn’t laugh, but her unusually wide smile made Devi suspicious. She turned to her cheery friend with a weak smile. “Well, this is…a new look,” Angel chuckled. “Pink doesn’t look so good on you sis.” His comment was replied with a look of disgust. “Shut up, Angel! And you too, Alexz!” “Come on guys,” Cami said. “We should help her down.” No, we shouldn’t, Alexz and Angel seemed to think the same thing. Alexz stepped forward, his hands hidden behind his back. “Alexz, why do you have that look on your face?” “I’m helping you out,” he answered. He then pulled a long stick crafted out of ice from behind, a devious look in his eyes. “Now hold still. This won’t hurt a bit.” Devi jerked around in the goop, now trying to escape even more aggressively. But escape was futile at the moment, and Alexz was getting closer and closer. “Alexz! Stop it! Don’t you dare hit me with that thing!” Suddenly, an immense gust of wind knocked him back a few feet. He hit his head hard on the floor, causing a tremble in the room. Cami stood a distance away holding her right hand up towards him. The breeze had come from her. She began scolding him. “Alexz, shame on you, hitting a defenseless girl.” Cami went to Devi and pointed both her hands to the gunk on the wall. After a few seconds, a ball of water formed in each of her palms, then shot towards the goo and exploded in a big splash of water which made it slowly melt until it was completely gone. Devi sat on the floor, drenched. Her hair spontaneously caught fire, due to her rising frustration. Cami smiled, dousing the flames with another small bubble of water. “Thanks” Devi said, blankly. “No problem.” Angel saw that Alexz was still down on the floor, and he got a mischievous idea in his head. He went to the nearby window and looked down, eyeing a small rock on the concrete ground. He pointed and concentrated, and the stone began to levitate. It rose to the window and intruded through the small opening. With a chuckle, he hurled the pebble at Alexz, hitting him in the head and making him jolt from his nap. He saw the stone beside him and immediately turned to Angel. “Devi’s safe, Alexz. Come on” he innocently said. With a look of resentment, Alexz rises to his feet and joins the others. He staggers back after catching a murderous look from Devi. “Oh, come on Devi, you’ve looked worse. Remember that time when-” “Shut up! I told you not to talk about that anymore.” A sinister smile spread on Alexz’ face as he recalled that moment. Three years back. “Get back here you jerk!” Devi shouted chasing after Alexz, who had just recently decorated his fiery friends face with a piece of chocolate cake. It was her twelfth birthday and their two families were together at a park having a birthday party. And the ground was a bit muddy from the rain on the previous night. Also, Devi was wearing her favorite pair of long jeans. Well as the chase raged on, her foot got caught in the pants sleeve. She tumbled straight into a puddle of mud face-first. Alexz couldn’t stop laughing regardless of the beating Devi was giving him.
“Well, anyway,” Cami began, finally catching everyone’s attention. “I got all of us together to talk about this strange e-mail I got this morning.” She showed them the message she uploaded from the laptop to her cell phone. The others were immediately suspicious. “Sounds like a joke to me,” Alexz responded first. “But I don’t know who’d wanna mess with you Cami.” “And we don’t seem to have any enemies for now,” Angel interrupted. “So I doubt it’s a trap of some sort.” Devi then stands over them. She declared, “I say the only way to find out, is to go there ourselves!” Cami jolted up with her. “Yeah, let’s go!” She and Devi began holding hands and jumping up and down, giggling like children. Angel couldn’t help but smile as well, and Alexz rubbed his rumbling tummy. “This is all very nice guys, but can we eat before we leave?” They all laughed. Cami, the optimist. Angel, the pessimist. Alexz, the glutton. Devi, the leader. These four friends made up C.A.A.D., the heroes of Beldum.
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:51 am
lol You'll have to excuse the layout. I didn't at the moment, have the patience to augment the whole thing. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:14 pm
I like it.
So Cami can manipulate water, air, and computers, Devi fire, Angel Earth, and Alexz ice?
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Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:09 am
Riku Hinta I like it. So Cami can manipulate water, air, and computers, Devi fire, Angel Earth, and Alexz ice? As of this episode, yes, that's all that I've revealed. I wish I would've had time to add a section describing their abilities. All I can tell now is that Cami manipulates water and air, yes; Devi, fire and darkness, Angel, light and earth and Alexz, ice and thunder/electricity w/e we want to call it. The skill she has with the computers has to do with a tragic event in her past, when she was I believe...8? I can't remmmeber lol.
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Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:37 pm
Wouldn't it be logical for Alexz to be able to use water and ice while Cami was just air? Devi should manipulate light, fire, and lightning since they all center around fire, and finally Darkness could be a person of it's own or it could center around Alexz to balance it out.
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Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:11 pm
Well, if it were up to me completely, I'd sort out the elements the way I want. But the people who helped start this story, wanted to be as fair and retarded as possible. But in a way, the element match-ups have their own meaning. Angel's earth and light are moreso defensive elements, such as creating defensive walls, or manipulating objects. Devi's darkness and fire are the offensive, more destructive elements, while one can burn and melt things, the other can send it's victims into an abyss or cause some sort of phsical or mental anguish. Alexz's lightning and ice are the kind of elements that can immobilize or hinder enemy assaults, with the whole paralysis or freezing concept. As for Cami, air and water are, at first glance, the gentler elements. They're pretty much balanced for defence AND offense, and they are easiest, in my opinion, to control. I'd like to continue submitting what I have, but it looks as if not many people interact with this guild than what I first though. As the story progresses, it'll make sense... I hope. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:31 pm
That makes sense. So it’s kind of like football. smile I know not a lot of people have been interacting with this guild for awhile and I apologize for that. I’m trying to get this guild back up and running again, so that is why I am really glad that you’ve posted this story.
I love reading, and being able to read online makes things all the better. I’d really love it if you would continue with this story. I like it already.
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