**Notice: This mentions BAD eating Habits and self-injury... Please read with care...** This is a little about me... I wasn't planning on sharing this, but maybe even if one person can relate, they can see that they are not alone... Again, I was not sure where to post this... Please avoid leaving negative comments... I already posed a warning as to what this note had written in it...
Dear Journal,
I live in a constant state of panic. Always worrying if the glass of coffee or last thing I ate my make me gain weight. When I look in the mirror, all I see is fat and scars. I feel shame, disgust, and ultimately wind up in the bathroom to throw up. Why won't cutting suffice? Why did I do this to myself?
Eat, purge, starve, that is what all my achievements in life got me. The life of an Anorexic and Bulimic. How can two different disorders combine? My fiance said if I lose more weight, I will be going IP, but why? I am not even close to finished... I am no where NEAR what I used to be... Eat, purge, starve... Not much of a life to live...
Scars cover my face down to the bottoms of my feet. Sometimes, not even make-up can hide them all. I am so sick of myself, what I have done to myself... People divert their eyes so they don't get caught staring... Should I give up my dream to be a Psychologist? Who could look at me and take me seriously? What's sick, is most of them were not from my own hands...
My life in a nut-shell is torture, by both my abusers and myself. Maybe, before the wounds of self-destruction grow more frequent, I can feel true peace and HOPE. But for the moment, it is just a dream, tainted by the screams of another flash-back...
~A~
