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 Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:48 pm
Your goal- make me laugh the most with a funny story
the prize- 100,000 gold
Each person can only post once
The post can have as many funny stories as you want
you can find them on the internet, make them up, or use your own personal experiances
ie
Today the radio was playing inside of my dorm community bathroom. I was taking a shower when Taylor Swift came on the radio. Two showers over a mystery voice began singing along with the song. I soon joined in. About halfway through a 3rd person walked into the bathroom and instantly began singing with us. We finished the song and went about our daily bathroom routines. I'm a 21 year old male on a male-only floor. MLIA.
Today I got a physical. I'd been waiting in the examining room in my paper robe for half an hour and was trying to find ways to amuse myself. The doctor walked in to find me standing on the examining table, lifting up a ceiling panel and humming the james bond theme song. MLIA
Today, I visited my grandmother in a nursing home, on my way out, and old man stopped me thinking I was his granddaughter. We ended up talking for two hours, and when his real granddaughter showed up,He screamed imposter and chased her in his wheel chair. I'm starting to believe he really is my grandfather. MLIA
Today, I went to Walmart, and ended up buying myself a black snuggie. When I came back to my dorm room, and my extremely uppity roommate saw the box, I thought she would make fun of me for buying it. Instead, she dashed to her bed, reached under it, and pulled out her own black snuggie which I had never seen before. We spent the rest of the day wearing the snuggies backwards like witch robes and watching Harry Potter. New best friend? I think so. MLIA
Today, I was in the car with my dad, who was trying to work his new voice-activated GPS. Fed up, he told it to go to Hell. The GPS then proceeded to give us the directions to Hell, Michigan.
Today, I bought a fancy new black SUV Hummer. When I went to pick up my son from school, I put on a black suit, dark shades, and my blue-tooth earpiece. I waltzed into his last period class 10 minutes before it was over, and announced "Agent 03, It's time to go" At which point he nodded and packed his belongings and ran out. The face on his teacher was priceless. I hope my boss understands why I had to miss work. MLIA.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
these examples are from www.mylifeisaverage.com
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:10 pm
haha ok let me see...
"A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"
"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."
This is all one story...
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
That was the end of the story (in case anyone gets confused)
This is another story...
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
End of story...
haha i think this one's funny smile
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.
"One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot."
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng sheet rock..."
End of story...
Wow... Very long post...
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:30 pm
okee i am going to post random stories and true stories.
1st true:
i was riding my bike on part of the appalachian trail when some horses were taking up the entire trail. i called to the one on the left that i was planning to pass them as they were moving at a very slow pace and i was going fast. i slowed down behind them and called again. this time there was a response: "piss of you little bugger!" this made me mad. this also resulted in me attemting to pass them by getting of the trail and going around. i ran over some leaves and it made a loud noise, which horses apparently dont like. i was then in front of them when the horse kicked me in the back of the head. i wondered how and turned around to find that the rider had turned her horse around whil uttering a string of curses so it could kick me. i was pissed but i got rid of the rage by continuing to ride at a very fast pace. in about 15 minutes i found another group of horses with nicer riders. they gladly pulled to the side of the trail so i could pass when BAM!!!! one of their horses kicked me in the side of the head. this time much harder. the seemingly nice riders then took off and commited hit-and-run. thats al the interesting parts really....
random: the sequel to space moose/ master chef's adventure.
previously, the space moose, who changed his name to master chef, stole a krabby patty, met a man names billsun who created a mad-cow-zombie apocolypse that master chef ended by recreating evolution by creating spongebob. now the world is slowly repopulating with a cruder form of barbaric humans.
master chef was walking down the ice cream road when he was ambushed by a caravan of bandit flightless birds. the recruits included the dodo, penguin, duck, penguin, and of course the chicken sandwich. he was taken to their lair hidden under a previous burger king where he met their leader, the burger king costume guy, the most feared being ever since burger king was created. he desperately wanted master chef's recipe for the krabby patty so he could reincarnate burger kings everywhere. this was obviously refused for the recipe was master chef's prized possesion. this made the burger king pimple with anger, and he sentenced our beloved master chef to death at dawn. that night as master chef lay helplessly in his cell, the burger king was suicide bombed by another fierce ruling power: the eric cartman clone army and their pack mule kyle. this gave master chef his chance to escape! he ran through the spooky-ooky forest and almost got raped by the candy-cane people of georgia. he ran and ran until he came across the greatest treasure that ever existed: a golden statue of the apple smacks frog. but thats not all he found....to be continued.
(really really) shorts (most by steven wright):
i found out that a burgular broke into my dorm and replaced everything with exact replicas. when i told my roomate about this he said, "who are you?"
i got a dog the other day. i named him stay. its fun to call him to come here. he went insane....
all those who are telekinetic, raise my hand.
i went to a restaraunt that said they serve breakfast at any time, so i ordered french toast during the renaissance.
im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. have i forgotten this before?
curiosity killed the cat, but for a while i was a suspect.
im going to shoot a mime tommorow, but should i use a silencer?
last night i stayed up playing poker with fortune teller cards. i got a full house but 4 prople died.
alot of people are afraid of heights. not me, im afraid of widths.
cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country
i have an answering machine in my car. when i dont answer it says,"im home right now, leave me a message and ill call you when i leave."
i have the world's largest seashell collection. i keep it in all the beaches everywhere. perhaps you've seen it?
i installed a skylight in my apartment. the people above me are pissed.
i poured spot-remover on my dog. now hes gone.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:32 pm
I think the ATM female one was based off of me...
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:59 pm
haha yeah smile and me... it does sound like something that i would do.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:14 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:41 am
ok... but from now on no editing your posts...
Jatz- It doen't just sound like something I'd do... I've done it before...
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:04 pm
y did u change the rules to being able to post unlimited to only posting once and no editing?
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:14 pm
@penguin- haha yeah well im not exactly old enough not drive yet...
@chaos- well it makes sense... if you're allowed editing your posts then you might as well just post some more. They're almost the exact same thing...
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:15 pm
yea but at the beginning she said there was no limit and i was all, ok i wont post that many to start with just a few an ill add some, but she changed it.
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:49 pm
I only changed the editing posts part... the one post was just hidden in the wall of text... sorry for the confusion
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 3:12 pm
confused ok then since we cant edit who is winning if no one else participates?
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:11 pm
I may change the end date, but I don't really want to, because I don't know how much freetime I'll have for the next 3 months...
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:23 pm
i guss ill just w8 til tomorrow then blaugh
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Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 4:02 pm
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Reply
