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[Hakumei : Genin] Harikonotora, Mayoke Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:01 pm




Mayoke Harikonotora

Age
14

Height
5'03"

Weight
130 lbs

Eye Color
blue

Hair Color
blonde

Village
Formerly of Iwagakure, member of Hakumei

Clan
Hasaki

Village Rank
Genin

Other Titles
N?A

Appearance Description
User Image

Personality
He often says goofy things or serious things depending on what he feels like saying. Often he will look at someone without speaking a word to them. He is more reserved but his other personalities take over when they sense a bit of hesitation or nervousness in his mind. His personality could easily be summoned up as a shrinking violet.

His other personalities include, The boisterous oni, lying pervert, gentle giant, childish, reckless and dangerous dragon, and the self-absorbed prince. They can push themselves upon him as well as be suppressed by him. There is an understanding as to who they are and who he is.


History
Mayoke has always been by himself for as long as he could remember, but he knows being a shinobi is in his blood. He has a rather large gap in his memory that stems from a childhood injury he received. He tries to live everyday as if it was his last day on earth; he would rather play in the rain than wait for the sun to come out. This has led him to get nicknames such as idiot and moron, he cannot take any comment seriously and shrugs them off to train or get ready for whatever the day holds. He carries a supply of medical stuff, only because he hurts himself often and tries not to rely on anyone to help him. His personalities have their own back-stories but most of them are lies spotted by his most vocal voice, it often takes over when Mayoke was at a loss for words. He seems to only retain an outward memory of his personalities memories as they are detached from his own.



_________________________________



Primary Element
Fire

Secondary Element
N/A




_________________________________




Jutsu and Skills

Stats
Ninjutsu: 1/7
Genjutsu: 1/7
Taijutsu:3/7

Total Jutsu Learned/Learnable
Genin Justu-2/3:: Chuunin Jutsu-_/1:: Jounin Jutsu-0/0:: Kage Justsu-0/0::

Ninjutsu

Fukumi Hari - (Hidden Needles)
Level: Genin
Type: ninjutsu
User is able to call forth needles into their mouth and then spit them at an opponent with great accuracy.



Taijutsu
Finger flip bullet
Level: Genin
Type: Taijutsu
He has the ability to flick small objects at high accuracy and distance, he uses this mainly because it is something his father was most proud of. This can be coupled with chakra to make the object fly faster. This cannot be done without a solid object.




Genjutsu

Chakra Control
Mid Genin level: Augmented jumping, Wall running
Kekkei Genkai (Clan Specialty)


Blood borne blade:

Turns what ever the blood touches into a blade, this excludes anything that does not have a tangible form; water, air, fire, etc. Any material that is changed does not lose its properties, a sword made of ice will still melt and a sword made out of flint will still spark. Items that would destroy the blood before it touches are also excluded as the blood would not be able to change its shape. The amount of blood determines sharpness and the maximum length doe not exceed the maximum mass of the item. Equal mass means equal weapon. A ball of iron two inches in diameter will no turn into a zanbatou of twelve feet. The user has a chance of passing out or dying if the blood flow is not stopped. Chakra is also expended to start the process making this drain on stamina and chakra. Items must be made before hand or given time by a helping team mate. Cuts do not make blades sharper as concentration is needed to make this ability work.



_________________________________


Equipment, Items, Other

Weapons
A bag of marbles (50 count)
dual edged poison tipped spear (6 Feet in length)
steel broad axe (around 20 pounds or so)
A charka sword made from a light absorbing stone and his kekkei genkai. (Length is varied by the amount of chakra and width of the blade.)
Armor

Accessories
A pair of black horn rimmed glasses (Regular glass lenses)
a white, purple paint splattered hat.
Miscellaneous
He keeps a first aid pack at his hip at all times it carries rolls of bandages as well as anti septic and other medical supplies.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:30 pm


First thing to note, because your character has a Kekkei Genkai, he only has 3 Gennin slots and 1 Chuunin slot. Change your numbers to reflect this please Kupo.

-Darkness_Complex-
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Ocramol

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:16 pm


The KG jutsu are to be in the Jutsu list as well. The Kekkei Genai is just to discribe the ability.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:40 pm


I think this is right, correct me if I'm wrong.

Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter


Ocramol

Quotable Survivor

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:07 pm


Better yes. I have one question for now.
Quote:
Blood borne blade- (Kekkei genkai)
The user drips blood onto and object solid enough to become a weapon turning it into a sword or any other bladed objects. The amount of blood determines the sharpness.


Now reading this, a drop of blood could turn, say a fist sized rock, one drop of blood could turn that rock into a hand held weapon with a handle and everything, but the sharpness would very low?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:10 pm


Yes, a smaller object say a marble or two would get to be deadly sharp. Depending on the size of the blood drop, but that is just splitting hairs. Though the closer an object is to being a bladed weapon would make it take less blood, but I'm probably over thinking that.

Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter


The Crossed Fox

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:20 pm


Kage Shuriken no Jutsu, is an A-Rank "Kage Level" ninjutsu. This should not be in your list at all, for a long time.

For a genin rank, it seems that the Hidden Needles Technique is even a bit OP for your level. Maybe firing one at a time would be within the rank of genin, but a barrage of these things without proper training in both chakra and accuracy fields, it just wouldn't seem all to genin-like.

The chakra sword, for a genin, is also sounding like a big no-no to me. It takes a great amount of chakra, both power and control, to create and maintain something like this. It's like Kakashi's "Chidori", where the chakra is actually visible to the naked eye, only in sword form. That in itself is something crazy powerful anyways, not of genin level in the least bit.

The equipment, for somebody your size, is also sounding really really off. A twenty pound steel axe, a dual edged POISON tipped spear that is six feet in length, and a chakra sword are all a bit too much by the sounds of it. That's a lot of weight, and a lot of room being taken up, with all weapons indefinitely not being used in the same bout about 90% of the time I'd assume.

The Blaze Wire Jutsu isn't making much sense at all. Like I said before, using a chakra sword alone at your level would take tremendous amounts of chakra a genin really wouldn't have, and having it travel down a wire to heat it up isn't exactly something I wouldn't call "easy" either.

The Blood sword also, by the sounds of it, is really powerful as well. It's actually kind of a scary thought...

I really think this profile needs to be put together again, with most of it revised.

This is my opinion, and officials rule over my word, mind you. These are just suggestions I would press that you take on from personal experience.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:34 pm


Kage Shuriken no Jutsu the one Sasuke used against Zabuza, not not the shuriken kage bunshin jutsu, the one used by the third hokage. You're mixing those up.

The needle jutsu has already been used and I've already stated in RP that he can't shoot more than one at a time.

The equpment was gathered in earlier storyline, the spear from a giant scorpion, the sword from one of Mii's puppets, ((broken solar panel)), the ax taken from one off Mii's puppets, it was given to defend him when fighting.

The blaze wire jutsu has only been used once as Mayoke can't handle it as I've stated in RP, it was a last ditch effort attack which left him with practically no chakra and he had to use a food pill before he even bothered with it.

My blood sword has already been worked out, the inherent weakness comes from the fact that it uses blood. making large and/or multiple weapons was no advised.

My characters are well thought out, but no one really bothers to do anything but snipe. Anyone who saw my fight in the forest knows, I play by restraint and I know when I lost or over did it and will edit myself to be sure I'm well under par.

Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter


The Crossed Fox

PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:30 pm


Kage Shuriken no Jutsu: Sustained

Needle Jutsu: Just state that she fires one at a time then. What is done in RP is different than what is explained in a profile. Misleading information and what not.

Weapons: Then, for the Naruto-verses sake, keep them in a scroll. Makes it easier to carry.

Blaze Wire: The higher ups will handle it

Sharpening Blood KG: Mods will handle it

And as a final, nobody is sniping at you in the least bit. You have a good concept going, it just has its flaws. People like us are here to help you make it better, and more fair for those you play with. As said earlier, because you did it in roleplay does not mean that everybody knows about it. It simply means it still needs to be explained in the profile.

Things are shaping up well though...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:04 am


Review from the boss. A couple of things we need to set up first, I know you are new to the community and I have extended the olive branch so to speak by allowing you to come into my organization, but with that comes a price. I know I made you aware many times that I'm going to be helping you to refine your skills so lets do a little bit of soul searching on this one:

Kage Shuriken no Jutsu - (Shadow Shuriken Technique) : Pointless, you don't have any Fuuman Shuriken, which are specialty weapons of the Uchiha clan mind you, in your inventory. Don't waist a jutsu on a technique you will be unable to use due to not having the proper equipment for it.

Fukumi Hari - (Hidden Needles) : Allow me to help you with this one. Your character's Bloodline Limit seems to be the ability to make tangible items into sharp 'blades' as you put it. Now a Kekkei Genkai in itself is a passive thing in terms of how we use it in this roleplay, but if you were to combine a technique like this with your Kekkei Genkai, you might actually have something workable. Your character takes a patch of grass and sticks it in his mouth, then pricks his thumb and lets some blood seep into the grass, suddenly you have a mouth full of Needles that you can then spit onto an enemy. Now this is not necessarily the smartest move, if you were to cram that many needles into your mouth you'd probably end up cutting yourself and spitting them out wouldn't send them very far, so you could refine it so that you only stuck a few blades of grass in your mouth, maybe three to five blades, and transformed them into these needles. You could then make a circle with your hand in front of your face and fired the needles 'through' the tunnel created by your fingers similar to how a blow-gun works. I'd really like to see this technique broken down into a 2-3 part sequence like that, it would add a lot more depth and help to round your character a lot more by incorporating his Kekkei Genkai.

Blaze wire jutsu : Now I believe I've worked out what you are trying to say, but you could definitely put this in better terms. This technique seems to work by 'scraping' the edge of your blade across the string, causing friction to build up on the area being scrapped then launching the flames down the string towards your opponent. Now theoretically this can be done, but there are far more simple methods to accomplish the same thing. For one, you again forgot to bring along the appropriate inventory items, you seem to not have this highly flammable wire anywhere in your inventory. Let me make a quick suggestion: Lose the sword aspect of the technique. Instead of using normal wire, use something interesting like spider webbing. Not only will it add a 'stickiness' effect, but spider webbing is a HIGHLY combustive material. For that matter, I would drop the entire thing as a 'technique' freeing up an additional jutsu slot for later training and instead add mouth embers into your inventory. Combing mouth embers and spider web and you will get the exact same effect as this technique without having to bother with using up one of your jutsu spots.

Kekkei Genkai : As I stated earlier, in the confines of this RP, a Kekkei Genkai is simply a passive trait that exists within a ninja. For you it seems your Kekkei Genkei is the unique ability possessed by your blood to sharpen ordinary items into deadly weapons. Lets take a step backwards. Understand that this Kekkei Genkai can be incredibly dangerous to yourself not simply because of blood loss. If your opponent causes you to bleed and your blood happens to fall on the ground which just so happens to be covered in grass, you will in essence have created a bed of spikes that you are now standing upon. This is VERY dangerous to your health. The effects your blood would have on say... a tissue might make even the most common of occurrences such as a bloody nose into a deadly situation for yourself and those around you.

Allow me to help you a little bit with your Kekkei Genkai. The ability for the drops to autonomously make objects harder and sharper is probably going to end up killing your character in a very short amount of time, let me suggest that instead of that, you have what's called the "Crafting Touch".

By drawing blood from your body and placing it on a specific object, you are able to use the blood to smelt the object as precisely as a blacksmith would smelt metal with a hammer. BUT, the actual blood is useless on it's own, you need to channel chakra into it to cause it to smelt in the fashion that you desire.

I would suggest a technique like the following to incorporate this:

Blood Crafting
Level: Chuunin
Type: Ninjutsu
A jutsu that allows Mayoke to smelt any object covered in his blood so long as he retains contact with it. Smelting takes 2 turns to complete successfully and once finished Mayoke can utilize the item in battle.

This would actually give you a lot more versatility, you could fashion armor, blades, hammers, virtually anything you needed. It would change a Kekkei Genkai that had originally been battle oriented into a multi-purpose ability for all situations that you might find yourself in.

Items: With the ability to make weapons with your own blood, carrying around a full arsenal seems rather foolish don't you think? If you can pick up a piece of bamboo and transform it into a katana, why would you need to carry a sword with you? I understand the necessity of perhaps having a dagger hidden somewhere on you, just in case you are ambushed, but otherwise it seems you would be better off hand-making weapons specific to each enemy you encounter on the fly.

That's my piece, take it or leave it.

-Darkness_Complex-
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:20 am


I agree, with the exception of the ability that would harness his transformative blood.

I think there's something to be said for a character having a theme. If his blood makes blades, keep it making blades. That means something, it's a part of his character that it's blades that are made, and I like the feel.

I like the idea of putting grass in his mouth and spitting out senbon. How does it work? He's a ninja, we skip over the "how" moments for certain things. A normal person would likely cut their mouth up horribly if they tried that. Ninja don't. Simple.

I'm a huge fan of always having a weapon on hand.

I definitely agree that you need to update your equipment to meet your techniques.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 5:24 am


I'll get right on this after I sort through it... my brain is losing a lot of wisdom checks.

Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter


Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 7:14 am


Kage shuriken... you're right not needed, I can do without it anyway.

My kekkei genkai as it reads in my profile since I edited it days ago already state it takes time, so the constant say it takes time is unnecessary. But the needles out of grass is a nice concept. The time it takes to sharpen is directly proportionate to the blade-like aspect of the original object. As well as stating that the process needs to be concentrated on so random blood doesn't form blades but what I should have said was that it takes concentration of/and chakra to make it this work.

The blaze wire jutsu can go because its almost exactly like the Katon: Ryƫka no Jutsu used by sasuke uchiha. Its unneeded really.

The multi-use part makes it seem more like I'm performing alchemy than anything.

The multitude of weapons seems from the fact that each of his personalities. They don't all use the same type of weapon, in that regard i actually left a few things off from the character that I had brought to my attention. They can't all function with the same weapon. Plus I'd have to mostly use wooden weapons in cases of wooded areas and then I've got notion to fight in fire let alone extended battle as the object retains its notmal properties and wood would splinted and break.

I accidently left off his ability for flicking marbles but left the marbles in the profile... because i had no clue where that would fall on the table as its not exactly used in the naruto universe.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 10:47 am


Add in that marble flicking ability, then fill in your 'stats' and I think your pretty much set. Thanks for taking our advice Kupo! You have 5 total points to distribute among Ninjutsu, Taijutsu and Genjutsu. You must place at least 1 point in each of those skills.

-Darkness_Complex-
Crew

6,900 Points
  • Person of Interest 200
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Kupo ninja

Newbie Hunter

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 10:55 am


I think that should do it...
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