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KatiePickle

PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:45 am


This is the first part (that I have written) of a novel I am currently working on. Please read and comment and I will happily do the same in return. There is more of this on DeviantArt, a link to which I will post at the end (:
If I get comments I will post the next piece on this thread and so on.

NOTE: This story is set in a fictional world, similar to Medieval England but there are big differences as you will find out in the next installments. Things that probably wouldn't have happened in our world are deemed okay here. Most of the reasoning behind this will be explained eventually.

WARNING: I do not write in chronological order, so there is a chance that you will read this and then read something occuring beforehand. On deviantart.com I have listed them as chronologically as possible, but as I am still writing, I cannot gurantee anything.

WARNING: This scene contains mild violence and mild sexual themes. It is not explicit, but readers under the age of twelve or of a sensitive disposition should proceed with caution.

Link to this piece on deviantart; http://edenpictures.deviantart.com/art/William-Nathaniel-130895662

Happy reading!




PART ONE;

Jen twirled across the floor, ball gown flowing around her. She was captivating - her small, delicate form pirouetting and spinning with the ease and grace of one born into aristocracy. She wasn’t beautiful - nor was she ugly - but she was fascinating. Beauty isn’t necessary, when you can hold the attention of a whole court with a small sashay and twist of dainty hips. The whole court, that is, except one solitary figure stood deliberately apart from the masses.

As she danced with one nobleman after the next, the newly crowned Queen could not take her eyes from the unknown man. It was frustrating not to have his attention. Her whole life, Jen had been watched. She had held the attention of everyone she had encountered, be it a maid or be it a nobleman. She did not actually want the scrutiny of her people, but it was unnerving not to have it, especially on the night of her coronation, when supposedly she was at her most dazzling.

The night went by in a swish of silk, and still the stranger did not even once glance her way. Frustrated and exhausted, Jen excused herself for a moment and went into the courtyard. It was a frosty night, and the lamps cast only a dim light into the darkness. For the first time all night she was alone. She sat on the edge of a large central fountain, head in hands, and wept silently. She wept for her mother, dead only a week. She wept for her kingdom, having such a young and inexperienced queen. And she wept for herself, afraid of such responsibilities at the tender age of seventeen.

“My lady,” came a voice from the shadows. It was a smooth, velvety, homely voice. It said ‘trust me’.

Jen stood up and spun around, looking teary-eyed into the darkness. “Who’s there?” she called, hastily wiping her face with the back of her hand.

“You need not be afraid, my lady. I am merely a loyal subject, concerned for the wellbeing of my beautiful young queen.” The voice replied, every syllable uttered perfectly, eloquently.

The voice belonged to a young man, who stepped silkily out of the darkness and into the pool of dim light surrounding the new monarch. He was tall and handsome, though strangely elfin, with high cheekbones and a pointed chin. His shiny blond hair was slicked back, and his finely tailored clothes sat comfortably on his slim but toned frame. His suede doublet was the exact match of the deep blue eyes set into his flawless face. He stood close to the girl queen, his warm breath misting slightly in the cold night air.

“If you would forgive my forwardness, my lady, I could not help but be astounded by your radiance tonight. I was afraid to even look at you, for I knew that a humble merchants son such as I could not possibly hold the attentions of so magnificent a woman, but I did notice you looking at me tonight, and thought I would dare to risk my chances.”

The man must have been in his early to mid twenties, but he acted like a boy half his age, head humbly bent and hands clasped nervously in front of him, almost like a schoolboy getting scolded by his teacher. He risked a look up at the teen, to see that she was smiling.

“Indeed, you are a little forward, merchant’s son. And your flattery is unnecessary, but still welcome.” She reached forward and lifted his chin, so that his eyes met hers. She smiled again. “In truth,” she said, “I have been fascinated by you all night. It is not often that I meet a man so humble. I do not know if it is just the wine affecting my mind, but there is a certain something about you that I find extremely... compelling.”

The young man allowed himself a small grin, although he was careful not to let the girl see it. He raised his head a little more, and offered the queen his arm. She took it, and they strolled around the gardens, flirting carelessly. She learned that his name was William Harding, that he helped his father sell silks and other fine materials, and that he too had recently lost his mother. She learned that he had two younger brothers, and an elder sister. She also learned that he was witty and charming, and felt herself beginning to blush when she looked at him.

When they had been talking for roughly an hour, Jen took his hand and pulled him through a small gate and across a large expanse of grass. When he asked where they were going she simply replied that she wanted to show him something, and that he should trust her. After a few minutes silent walking, they came to a tiny gap in the hedge, which Jen then crawled through, and called to William to follow her. He did so bemusedly, and emerged into a small but beautiful garden, filled with rose bushes and lilies.

Jen was already sat on a small stone bench in the centre of the garden. She smiled warmly at him, and patted the space next to her. He moved slowly towards her, his eyes glinting in the moonlight, and then sat down with his knee touching hers.

“This used to be my mothers garden.” Jen confided, “She brought me here every year on her birthday. It was our little secret. Not even my step sisters know about this place... Now only you and I know it exists. No one can find us here.”

“That’s just as well,” he replied, “because that means no one can interrupt us.” He smiled softly, and then pulled her up and began to dance. He was a natural dancer, and they moved as one – a perfect duo. They twirled to the rhythm of the music coming from the ballroom, just loud enough to hear, just quiet enough to be romantic. Faster and faster they went, until finally the song ended. As the final beat sounded, they stood close together, each breathing hard. They stood perfectly still and looked at each other as they listened to the sounds of the party fade slowly away.

After a few moments, William smiled and leaned slowly in to kiss her on the lips. She blinked at him, and then began to kiss him back. Gently, slowly at first, then building and building. His hands were on the small of her back; her hands were caressing his face, his hair, his neck.

She pulled back for a moment, breathless, her hazel eyes shining with excitement. “William...” she began.

He put a finger to her lips, “Shhh, my darling. Don’t say a word.”

She tried to speak once more, but he silenced her with another kiss. This time his kisses were more frenzied, his hands wandered further down, further up. Jen tried to speak again, to tell him that she was not comfortable with his behaviour, but he wouldn’t let her.

His hands traced the back of her dress, and began to unbutton it. Jen tried to turn her head, to stop his kisses, but he just kissed her neck instead. She asked him to stop, begged him, ordered him, but he was deaf to her pleas. She tried to push him away, to slip out of the dress he was holding and run, but he caught her and began to loosen her undergarments.

She pummelled his chest with her fists, and shouted at him to stop, but to no avail. She screamed for help, but the party goers had gone home, and the help had retired for the night. They were too far from the sleeping quarters for anyone to hear.

Jen was down to her delicate lace undergarments, her last layer before being completely naked. William had her on the ground, overpowering her with his weight and strength. His invading hands had found the clasps and began to worm their way onto her bare flesh.

She screamed, and pushed at him with all her might, but her slight body was no match for his muscled figure. She sighed with despair, and used the last of her energy to give one final push. The only affect it had on him was to make him angry. His eyes glinted and he raised his fist high before punching her hard in the face.

“I didn’t want to have to do that,” he snarled, “don’t make me do it again.”

Jens eyes smarted at the pain, and she reeled at the blood coming from her broken nose, but she did not cry or make any sound. Instead, she rolled into a position that allowed her to knee William hard in the groin. He cried out, but did not release her. Instead, his face contorted with rage and he hit her once more.

He raised his fist to deliver a third blow, but it never hit. When Jen opened her eyes she saw a tall, broad man towering over them. He had Williams fist in his hand, and was twisting his arm backwards. She heard a loud crack and William toppled over and rolled off of her, whimpering.

The stranger then descended on William, hitting him until he lay unconscious. The man then spat at his feet, and declared that the scumbag would get what was coming to him.

The rescuer then turned, and faced the half naked girl still lying in the grass. Very tenderly, for such a large man, he picked her up and held her in his arms, gently wiping the blood from her face. He let her weep into his chest, and when she was done he wrapped her in his cloak and carried her back to the castle.

He helped her put her bedclothes on and get into bed, and lit a fire to keep her warm. Then he sat, vigilant in a chair beside her door.

Exhausted, Jen began to drift off. She woke in a cold sweat in the middle of the night to find her rescuer still at his post beside her door, watching her intently. He didn’t know she was awake, and continued to gaze at her for a few minutes more, until finally Jen decided to wake up properly. She stirred, and he looked away quickly.

When she sat up and stretched he looked back at her and smiled. “How are you?” he asked.

“Fine, thankyou” she replied, although her muscles were aching, and she could feel her broken nose and black eye beginning to throb. “But I never did learn the name of my saviour.”

He smiled again. “My name is Nathaniel, Your Highness.”


END





Thank you very much for reading. Don't forget to leave me a comment or send me a message to tell me what you think!

If you are interested in reading more, everything I have written is hosted on deviantart.com
The next part is located here; http://edenpictures.deviantart.com/art/Maverick-131577209

I will update this thread if I decide to post more here on Gaia.

Thankyou!
Katie
xxx  
PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:07 pm


YAY u have started postin! i read the rest on deviant art...sooo good! u have got to fill in the gaps!

Dark Ninja Chik
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:56 pm


interesting, i'm gonna read more on deviantart now
PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:28 pm


Thanks guys!
Don't forget to tell me what you think - comment or message me!

KatiePickle


Dark Ninja Chik
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 3:44 pm


i really like it! i tend to hate it when the main character suffers (wont spoil it for the others) but its somthing thats gotta happen or there wouldnt be anything especially interesting about him. anyways, i love how u develop ur story. I actually followed it pretty well; however, it would be awsome if u could fill in some, no rush tho.

another thing i liked. u use the perfect amount of description. not half a page to describe a beautiful garden with a hundred synonyms for 'beautiful' but simple and sweet smile
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:24 pm


This is good. :3

Jezus on Acid


KatiePickle

PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:04 am


UPDATE! SECOND INSTALLMENT!

Ok guys, sorry for the long delay in posting but i've been extremely busy of late. For those who didn't fancy going over to deviantart, here is the next piece of the story;


Nathaniel waited until he was sure Jen was sound asleep and the fire was burning comfortably in the hearth, before creeping quietly out into the hallway. He walked slowly and silently, so as not to wake the rest of the royal family, whose gentle snores drifted into the night.

He reached the top of a wide staircase where a guard was staring sleepy-eyed into a mug. When the young man saw Nathaniel he stood, putting his hand to the hilt of his sword.

“Stop!” He called, “Identify yourself!”

Nathaniel walked on, ignoring the youth’s orders. When the man then proceeded to draw his sword and block the older man’s path, Nathaniel stopped dead.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of myself, if I were you.” He said, his voice cold. “But then, if I were you I would not have been sleeping at my post merely half an hour ago when a man with a bigger sword than yours accompanied the queen to her chambers.”

The guard looked shame-faced through his floppy hair and up at Nathaniel, who stepped into the light, revealing himself to the young sentry. The man stared, open mouthed, as he took in the tall, muscular figure. He gasped as he recognised the scarred, rough-shaven face, with its square jaw and high brow, and the dark hair cropped close to the scalp. He also recognised the worn tunic, matching breeches and heavy boots. But most of all he recognised the circular bone amulet hanging on a leather thong around the broad neck.

The man turned from pink to scarlet, hastily thrusting his sword back into its sheath and stepping smartly aside, back straight and hand raised in a perfect salute.

“General, Sir! It’s an honour, sir! Sorry to have stopped you, sir!” he said, loudly.

“Hush, Cadet! Do you want to wake the whole household?” Nathaniel replied. “It is good that you stopped me, it means you are doing your job. Don’t ever let me catch you sleeping on duty again, though. If you so much as blink at the wrong time, I swear to the Gods I’ll have your head hanging on my wall before sunrise, understood?”

The man simply nodded, dumbstruck.

“Good.” said Nathaniel, and carried on down the stairs. Only when he was out of sight and earshot did he allow himself a small chuckle at the lad’s expense. It was just too easy. One stern look and you had them tripping over themselves. That, at least, was an upside to his otherwise stressful job.

The big man made his way out of the castle, across the lawns, through the maze and into the gardens. From there he found the small trail that led him to the Queens Garden. He followed it, his footsteps making barely a sound on the muddy track. After much searching he found the gap in the hedge, and squeezed through it. It was a tight fit, and he had to breathe in to get through.

He emerged, breathless, and took in his surroundings. Flowers and grass lay crushed where he had left the young blond lying unconscious. The garden, however, was empty. Nathaniel cursed, and sat heavily on the central stone bench.

A deep, throaty laugh filled the air, seeming to come from everywhere all at once. Nathaniel stood and drew his sword in a matter of seconds. “Show yourself!” he called.

The voice continued to laugh, to tease him as it echoed through the bushes.

“I said show yourself, coward!” roared Nathaniel.”Come and face me like a man!”

The laughter ceased, and instead a smooth, velvety voice came from the shadows. “Oh how little you know, human.” It said, sounding extremely amused. “You would do well not to insult me so... Come and face me like a man!” the voice mocked, in a perfect likeness of Nathaniel’s own voice.

“Who are you?” called Nathaniel, eyes darting around, searching. “What are you?”

“Dear dear, Nathaniel. It seems you are not as sharp as you would have us think. If you cannot even work out what I am, what hope have you of ever defeating me? Go back to bed, tiny human. Leave this fight to someone with a little more intelligence. A dog, perhaps. Or a mouse. Or maybe even a woodlouse, who knows?”

Nathaniel paced around the edges of the garden, trying to pinpoint the origins of the voice while it talked. He made wild stabs at the bushes, so that it would seem as though he was clueless, but all the while he was closing in on his prey.

“Your arrogance betrays you, Spirit. Not only do I know what you are, but I know who you are and where you are!”

With that, Nathaniel spun around and slashed at what was seemingly a patch of thin air. The air shimmered for a split second, then moved backwards an inch, to avoid impact. Then the shimmering wavered, and a figure appeared.

The figure was reminiscent of William Harding, but was taller, thinner, had pointier ears and was hovering a few inches above the ground. The fine clothes were gone, replaced by a costume made from animal skins and plant fibres, and the irises that were blue before were now completely black.

He smiled, and grasped hold of Nathaniel’s blade with long, pale fingers. “Now now, child. What have you been told about playing with big boys toys? Someone could get hurt.” He said with a cruel smile, pulling the man close.

They were nose to nose, the creature’s sweet breath creeping into Nathaniel’s nose and mouth, making his eyes water and his senses fail. Nathaniel stood for a moment, mesmerised by the hypnotic stare of his enemy. Then he blinked, came to, and stepped hastily away - pulling his sword with him.

The quick movement of the blade cut the demi-god’s palm, and he let out an animalistic yowl of pain. He looked at his hand until the blood stopped dripping, and watched as the cut slowly healed itself. Then he locked eyes with Nathaniel, and curled back his lips in a feral growl. Nathaniel stared back undaunted, and waited for a retaliation.

The creature stared for a long while, seeming to struggle to compose itself before speaking again. This time, his voice was much colder and resounded with barely concealed fury and resentment.

“You are a fool, Warrior. You do not know what you meddle in. Your thoughtless chivalry may well cost you your life, and the lives of countless others. Do you not think that I would have perfectly acceptable reasons to do what I did tonight? It causes me physical pain, to remain bound to a physical shape for so long. Why would I cause myself such trauma, if it were not for reasons so great that even I do not fully understand them?”

“You’re the fool, Maverick. You too are just a pawn in some greater beings game. Don’t think yourself so high and mighty, when obviously you’re not even important enough to be trusted with the full details of whatever ‘important mission’ you were sent on. I expect they probably just wanted you out of the way.”

“Don’t think yourself above me, mortal. And hold your cheek. The only reason you are still alive is because I may have need of you later.”

Nathaniel smiled, and sheathed his sword. “Go away, Maverick. You’re wasting your breath. But if you ever harm another hair on Jen’s sweet head, I promise you I will not rest until I find away to rid the world of you.”

“I am tiring of your foolish words, stupid mortal, and I am needed elsewhere. But remember, just because I need you alive doesn’t mean I can’t make your life a living hell.” Maverick smiled cruelly and then slowly faded into nothingness. His deep laugh echoed around the garden, and then that too faded slowly away, leaving Nathaniel alone in the darkness.

He stood in the garden for a full ten minutes without moving, his brow furrowed in thought. Then he made his way back into the castle, past the now fully alert guard, past the rooms full of sleeping guests and royal persons and back into the young Queens bedroom, to take up his vigil once more.

He stared at the girl, looking so innocent and untroubled in her sleep. Her long dark hair framed her small, heart shaped face, and made her look even younger. She was a full thirteen years younger than him, but he knew that from now on she would have to grow up pretty damn fast. She was already extremely mature for her age, and wise with it. Nathaniel cursed the world that he lived in, that a girl such as she would have such a burden on her shoulders.

He spent the next few hours in deep contemplation, alternately staring into the slowly dying fire and studying the lines and contours of the young monarch’s face. He could see that already bruises were forming around her eyes and on her arms, and that her broken nose had started to set crookedly, an eternal reminder of the nights events.

Eventually, she woke. She sat and stretched, and he could see in her face that she was in pain. “How are you?” he asked.

“Fine, thank you.” she replied, “But I never did learn the name of my saviour.”

He smiled. “My name is Nathaniel, Your Highness.”



Once again thanks very much for reading and please leave a comment or send me a message! Also, if there is anything of yours that you would like me to read and comment on post a reply with the link and i'll be happy to do so smile  
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:22 pm


I read all of ur writtings on deviant art, and i reread it here...i still luff this story ^^ read my stories Everlasting and Cuor (fiction & original stories/prose section) comment and tell me what u think blaugh

Dark Ninja Chik
Captain

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