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 Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:14 pm
2 years ago, a girl cheated on my friend. He told one person. Now, 2 years later, a girl went to the one that cheated and called her a slut. At lunch today, 2 girls were yelling at my friend. He was crying (He's a really sweet, though emotional, kid.) and I came over to see what was wrong. The girls were cursing him out and threatening him. He'd never EVER hit a girl. I got in and started cursing them out and one of the girls went to hit me. She didn't connect, but turned and went to her b/f, telling him that I was going off on her for no reason. He said that he was gonna kick my a**. We all sit at the same table. Now all of my "friends" are threatening to team up on me. my questions are...
1) Was he wrong for sharing his pain with a friends, rather than bottling it up?
2) Was it ok for them to go off on him when it wasn't even him that was calling her these things (My friend and the girl that cheated are friends now)?
3) Was I wrong for trying to help my friend?
4) Is the girl's b/f wrong for threatening me?
Note: The girl's boyfriend studied Kajukenbo with me, even considered me his rival. He knows I hurt my knee, and that it's not fully healed. (my bones snap out of place randomly, making most exercise difficult.
Note: I didn't threaten his girlfriend, I just told her to lay off of my friend because he didn't do anything to her or her friend. As I said, they are friends now and he'd die to protect her before he hurt her. The insult may not have even had anything to do with him.
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Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:01 pm
A somewhat classic tale of misunderstanding and unnecessary drama.
1) It is never wrong to share feelings with those you trust and whom you believe understand you. If others can commiserate with you, it makes coping with the issue in question much easier.
2) The people in question may have misunderstood the situation, and in the emotion of the moment may have focused their mistreatment upon a person who wasn't deserving of the treatment in question. While their defense of their friend is honestly admirable, their misdirected anger and poor treatment of another human being are deplorable at best. If one does not have their facts straight, they should wait until their emotional state has calmed to something more rational and they can get the whole story rather than directing those emotions on someone who might be innocent.
3) It is never wrong to help a friend when they are in the right, as seems to be the case in this situation.
4) A responsible martial artist should never, ever for any reason threaten another person. The point of the martial arts is self defense and competitive physical fitness, not harming another. When he threatened you, he immediately dishonored himself and presumably the teachings of his master. It is this attitude that has made integration of the martial arts into society so difficult.
If there is genuine concern that you might be "teamed up on", it is my strong recommendation that you first get the entire story from every source you can solicit so that you can find the actuality of the situation, and then take these concerns to someone in a position to see to it that you'll not be harmed. Appropriate people in this would be a school counselor or teacher, a parent, or your martial arts instructor (if you feel that any of these people aren't contributing to the problem at large.) Since you are clearly in no position to exercise the self-defensive aspects of your own art (due to injury), I would recommend against physical confrontation at all costs. Good luck.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 4:15 pm
Thank you dear. You've put my mind at ease and I've managed to... separate myself from the situation... My friend talked to the girl and she told the other girls to stop. The people that threatened me have been suspended. ^-^
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:42 pm
Laudable. A successful solution to a situation without violence or undue trouble.
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Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:19 pm
Good on ya, thanks for feeling free to speak your mind here, Im glad you have enough trust in this place for people to take it seriously, and I am also glad that someone gave you good enough advice for you to feel better about what you did.You must NEVER be fearful about what you are doing when it is right. Rosa Parks
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 11:09 pm
I figure that martial artists are generally taught a measure of self control, usually the ones that are hurtful are the rash and unthinking, so this would be a logical place to post my issue. ^-^
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:10 pm
It just shows that you are a better person ... the easy way would have been to fight ...
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