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 Posted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:12 pm
Some background: Chris's mom (I call her Mrs. T) just celebrated her 82nd birthday. She's had several strokes over the years and has very limited mobility. For the most part she can get to the bathroom and back with her walker, but she can't feed herself, she can't shower unassisted, and she has trouble remembering recent events. I like her a lot; for all her memory problems she's still very intelligent and well read, seriously funny and very sweet. I agreed to take care of her for a few days while her niece and nephew went on a short vacation. They live in her house and get room, board, and insurance paid for in exchange for taking care of her.
When I arrived tonight, she was sitting completely undisturbed on the couch watching TV. I dropped my luggage in the hallway, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and settled down to chat for a few. Around 10, she very politely requested that I make her some scrambled eggs and a piece of toast with jam. It turns out that Chris's cousins had not only taken off the moment I told them I was on I-75, they didn't even bother to give her supper before they left. I wouldn't do that to a dog I liked, much less a relative I was supposed to be taking care of. The kitchen is almost completely bare; there's a gallon of milk and a tub of margarine in the fridge. Of course that means that I'm going to have to leave her alone again to go to the store, which I'm not at all comfortable with. The good news is that she'll actually get fed decently. Mrs. T. almost swooned with joy when I suggested that I get the makings for BLTs while I was at Publix, and that perhaps one morning we could have french toast for breakfast. The implications of that kind of gratitude over simple gestures really pisses me off. While she was eating her eggs, toast, and hot chocolate, I read her a couple of emails from Chris's older sister Sandy. They were printed out and left on the table for me to read aloud to her. The dates on the emails were October 3 and October 10. One of them was for her birthday and no one bothered to share them until now. I just now excused myself for bed. She's left alone so much on the couch with her AMC and her books, no one bothers to simply talk to her and she's starved for human contact. We sat up simply chatting for hours about Chris, her childhood, Chris, my favorite haunts in Jacksonville, Chris, what life is like in Daytona Beach, Chris, the Revolutionary War, and Chris. I'm very glad I agreed to come down here, and I'm starting to wonder if this is the best place for her. I don't know what to suggest to my boyfriend about his mom's care since she doesn't have unlimited funds, but I hate to see her neglected like this.
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Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:53 pm
I know this is about a week or so late but really the only thing you can do is say something about it. I am not saying neglect is acceptable by any means, but some people just view the levels differently. Yeah sure not feeding her before they left was kinda bad but they did know you were on your way so they might have figured it was ok for her to wait a bit to eat knowing you would make sure she was well feed when you got there (yes it didn't turn out great but hey good foresight is not one of our gifts as humans razz ). As for the emails, maybe they just didn't have time, it happens. There's no real reason to get upset about that, besides you said she is capable of move around with her walker a bit so maybe they told her they printed them out and they both just forgot about them, again it happens.
Of course this is only my opinion based on what you wrote and I could be totally off but it is another perspective. I don't think I would call that neglect, but like I said people view the levels different. I would just call that someone who does what they have to but really doesn't know how... so why not teach them how to do it better smile
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Friendly Conversationalist
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