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Prologue

The taxi came to a halt beside a dark figure. Nothing unusual. The driver was used to the weirdoes that emerged at night, like rats from the sewer. He turned around when the door opened and a man scuttled in. The man was pale, almost white, and seemed to glow in the darkness of twilight. He wore a long black coat, which completely obscured everything but his head, peering out with cold, slate grey eyes.
“Wher’ to?” said the taxi driver with a hoarse, gruff voice. It was the kind of voice that warned of thin patience and the consequences of breaking it. The sound of it grated against eardrums and discouraged passengers brave enough to start conversation.
The strange man seemed not to notice, but didn’t seem the talkative kind anyway. He murmured the address, his eyes sweeping the cab in an almost paranoid way, jumping when a nearby car backfired.
The journey to the man’s destination was spent in silence. The car weaved in and out of dirt roads, through the eerie maze of corn fields reaching to the inky black sky, waving slightly in a breeze like long fingers waving farewell to whomever was unfortunate enough to find themselves lost amongst them. The man kept his eyes ahead, hungrily darting a glance at the driver every few seconds.
The minutes piled up like cars in a traffic jam. How long had they been driving? Hours? Days? The driver could only count on his passenger’s methodical mutterings of “Almost there. Just a bit more,” though he couldn’t tell if the shadow in his back seat was talking to himself or the other man.
The driver was losing hope of ever reaching the seemingly far-off place his passenger wanted to go when the man hissed in his ear.
“This is far enough.”
He stopped the car and turned to gather the fee from the stranger. A sharp gasp left his throat as cruel eyes, the deep red of blood, met his. He heard a voice hiss, “Turn around…” His vision became hazed with white fog. His mind went blank and numb, and he could feel his body turn around, while he gave it no order to do so. He felt a blinding pain in the back of his neck, heard an audible snap, and the taxi driver knew no more…






Should I keep writing this story? Any ideas how I can start the 1st chapter(I SUCK at starting the story >.<)? Please tell!

First of all, this does not need to be a prologue. Most of the time, prologues are unnecessary. Make it chapter 1.

Also, you begin from the taxi driver's point of view, but then you switich into omnipresent when you describe the taxi driver's voice. So either make the whole thing omnipresent or have the driver think about his own voice, and its effect on people because of his efforts to sound gruff, etc.

If it's twilight, it's not dark out yet. You describe the figure as being dark, but then you say he is "pale, almost white." It's just a repetition, so choose whether the figure or the atmosphere is dark.

Watch "seems." It's passive. The first time you use it is okay, but the
"seemingly" distant destination is not okay. Is the distance far or not? It is or it isn't. There is no seem.

Anyway, I know this sounds like a lot of critique for just one short piece, but you can use this throughout your writing, not just for this one page. I think I should add that I liked it. Vampiric people breaking necks is always refreshing ^.^

The first statement and the last statement fit in with each other - the middle one doesn't - it seems contradictory. He cant be a dark figure and glowy-white figure at the same time. If you want him to be a dark figure, I think you need to tone down the description of how white he is because to me it just seems to jar now.


This sentence is confusing - it makes it sound like there are three people in the car. Because you start the sentence from the taxi-drivers point of view, it doesn't make sense to then refer to him at the end as "the other man" the "self" in "himself" makes it clear that you're referring to the passenger though. The sentence should be, "him or himself".