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Zamir: Candidate [Comment? Ideas?]

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Duelist of Pokemon

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 5:43 pm


(Side Note: I have not been in the shop for a very long time, so I am very much out of wack. Even though I had re-read the front page of the shop. So, please, be patient with me and my new character.

Zamir is very plot heavy. Although she is spoiled rotten and a brat, over time she can and will change. It just depends on who she runs into. She will also come to realize her true gender as well, so be patient with that little factor as well.

If you guys have ANY way I can improve her or any ideas for her plots, feel free to post.
No bad flames though, I no like fire. 8<)

Name:
Zimar
Age:
15
Sex:
Female
Sexual Orientation:
Bisexual
Craft:
N/A
Rank:
Candidate
Physical Description:
Zamir has a somewhat boyish appearance with very faint curves of what are to come when puberty attacks the female body. Nothing remotely special about it, but it seems her body is unable to gain an visable muscle mass. She also has short-cropped hair that many of the boys in her hold possess, dark brown with a few stray strands of black thrown in. She also has these sharp eyes that make her appear she's always glaring at someone, even when she doesn't mean or want to.
Personality:
Zamir possesses a selfish, spoiled personality of someone who has been given everything they wanted all their life. Because of the way her father raised her, as a Minor Hold Noble, physical labor and suffering is nothing something that has entered into her close-minded lifestyle at the Hold. She does, however, have a tendancy to whine and gripe about stupid and pointless things, especially if things don't go her way.
History:
Born into one of the Minor Holds fifteen turns ago, Zimar was to be the fourth daughter of a Noble had her mother not passed away from exhaustion several moments after her first cries for breath. Upset over the loss, her father became distant and angry. Frustrated now, over the lack of sons born of his blood, he took Zamir and began to raise her as his heir, his son. Mindwashed into thinking she was a boy, she pushed away the silly notions of the servants and her older sisters and grew more spoiled by the turns that passed. Her hands yield not a lick of physical labor. She had everything she wanted and only wanted more.

But, perhaps, something would change it? Perhaps her mothers' kind heart exists beneath the dark seeds her father planted.
Pets:
Unless the Bribe goes through, none.
Other/Talents:
Um....None at the moment. xD

Will this character be a candidate?
Yes, but after much of her plots get taken up.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 5:56 pm


First thing that comes to mind is lenght; to be paired with a dragon the staff need at least one decent sized paragraph of personality to work with. If you're not sure what else to put in have a skim through the other profiles in the section to see what's been done/suggested. ^^

TawnyAngel

Predestined Inquisitor


Chibi Sheepcat
Crew

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:34 pm


What Tawny said, for the most part. XD The personality needs to be at least a good-sized paragraph in order to be considered.

The second thing that strikes me about this is the implausibility of the whole thing. I doubt that a father would hate his youngest daughter, but then also turn her into a son and spoil her rotten. Not to mention, her father could just marry another woman if he really wanted a son. Pern also doesn't have any Nobles, so I'm not sure what you're trying to get at. The whole thing just seems pretty far-fetched as far as histories go, and I'm not sure it would be accepted on that basis.
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Character Critique

 
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