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Often when I am doing menial tasks or chores or what have you, my mind floats off into the invisble land of thought, high above the stratophere inside a duck.

So I was doing the dishes as I do every night, and I began to think about the afterlife.

I'll let it be known now that I am what I call an "anti-deist", which is based off a philosophy I won't bother to divulge other than to say I don't believe in an afterlife.

But people -- Christian people, specifially -- are so hung up on it that I can't help but wonder if there is something I should be worrying about. Like Purgatory.

I was born into a devout family, so I do know quite a bit about Christian mythology. And I do that Purgatory is that place bad, but not horrible, souls go to recieve punishment and eventual purification. This is the place people often think of when they hear the word "Hell" (without the purification part), but Hell is actually a sea of fire into which the damned are cast into and where these souls are permantent wiped from existence.

Trust me on this, I read Relevations three times.

Now, my dilemma here is avoiding Purgatory... without having to go through all the trouble of commiting a cardinal sin. I kinda have other things to be doing, and running away from the law is time consuming.

While eternal life or eternal life after death seems to be on the top of most people's wishlists, the mere thought of such a thing makes me shudder. What on Earth could I possibly do with all that time? I'd go insane.

So Heaven is absolutely out of the question.

So I thought, maybe I could put in a request to be sent straight to Hell if I ever found myself at Purgatory. That way, if all this Christian munbo-jumbo is correct, I'd get the peaceful non-existence that I am looking forward to as an anti-deist.

But then I thought, maybe the higher ups wouldn't listen to me, and make me pure and send me to the lower ranks of Heaven. Then I'd have to do something REALLY bad to get thrown out or zapped by God so I can finally die. And I honestly don't know if I'd have that in me. I mean, I feel bad if I forsake an inanimate object. Causing complete and total mayhem the likes of which has never before been seen is something beyond the limits of my morality, and quite possibly my capability at that point.

I thought of going to a church and asking the Reverend if I'd be able to bypass Pugatory, but then I thought I'd probably be sent to some councelor or something. I hate head doctors of all kinds.

I was getting a little peeved at this point, and I wondered petulantly what the point of all was. Why was he going through all the trouble of picking out the good from the bad when he could use his omnipotence to take away the free will we were never intended to have?

And what was the deal with that, anyway? He makes the Tree of Life, which gave Adam and Eve their free will, right in the middle of all the other trees that they eat from... but they can't eat from it? Because it makes them like him? Why would you make a tree like that? God ate from that tree... why would he eat? He's an all powerful, immortal, physics defying god. He doesn't need food.

But what if he does need food? That means he would have needed the tree to survive. Then, logically, that tree and He must have been there the whole time, or the tree was created before he was. But by whom?

It's things like this which makes me glad it really isn't relevant to me, anyway. -walks away, eating an apple-

Hmm, one can't be sure of reality, really.

I have also thought on this bliss people speak of in Heaven. I wondered what the mechanics were behind this.

Without one's phyical body, one really cannot partake in physical pleasures... Unless heaven is one big recreation center full of puzzles and mind games and such, the image I get is that of a bunch of people lazing around in an opium-like daze.

I'd rather burn than an eternity of that...

Of course, without one's physical body, I also wonder how torment works. But that's a completely different subject.

Mind torture? Now if you don't have your physical body, you can't have your neurones, and thus the whole concept can't apply. Basic conservation of energy and matter here, really. Unless it's in the universe, and that would make most of the stories of heaven and hell false. It would also make NO sense, considering it has to be in another universe, otherwise with it being MILLIONS of YEARS, someone would eventually have to break free and tell us all. Unless we just thought he was crazy and shot him or her. That sounds about right. Puzzles for eternity? Nah.. It would be like.. I dunno. If I did believe in such a thing, I could probably pull something out of my mind to give a better description.


As for Skire's concept of hell, what about asexual males? Or people who just move on, really.. and poor them females. You and their stereotypes shall be the doom and end of us all.