Ronzer Bayleaf
After a few minutes my head began to clear. The nearby gun shots hurt a lot less. Cautiously rising from the floor and peeking around the tattered door
confirmed on thing; a fire-fight was going on between one person in full riot gear and another I could not see.
The few words in bold contain the only spelling error I've noticed. It should be "
confirmed one thing," I assume.
Other than that, I think its pretty good. Not my usual style, but you've got your own voice in your writing, I think. Which is always good; never lose it.
I also think that whether 10,000 words or 100,000, this story has the potential to be great. Keep working everything out, and get the image totally clear in your head, and you could go pretty far with this. You've got real potential, in my eyes.