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Lord Blade Icestorm

PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:09 am


This isnt set just yet so please bear with me. I am currently writing a story and will soon have it written on here. For those that have an interest in what this might be, please check every now and then as I write more and more of this. I will edit my second post so the story will continue on that page. All those that comment me on the story will be beneath it....I am not the best writer so please if you do give me constructive criticism please dont tear me a new one, lol.
PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:39 am


Prologue

Something was wrong, he could feel it. He could smell smoke and hear the crackling sounds of a fire. His eyes snapped open and he moaned as a wave of nausia swept over him. Nearby his eyes fell across the remains of a house, most of it was burned down and what wasnt burned already was still on fire. With tenative fingers he moved his fingers on the back of his head and felt a decent sized lump. And pulling his fingers back to his face he saw there was dried blood on them.
For the life of him he he could not remember anything at all. Even his past memories was nonexistant even to the point of his own name. He sat up and looked about him, taking in his surroundings with a careful eye. There was a plush meadow that suggested it might have been a farm and the burning house. Off in the distance he could see a thick forest but besides these things there was nothing else around, no horses, people or anything. He looked down at himself and felt a shudder run through his skin for his skin was deathly pale and covered in scars, however he wasnt cold. The only clothes he had on was a pair of shorts. Around him was a circle with strange markings around the ring. Lying next to him was a wide sword that was about 6 ft long and looked to be made out of sapphire.
He stood up slowly and gathered his thoughts. He was alone, half-naked, and in a place he didnt recognize, and also had no memories at all, and a strange circle and weapon right next to him. He reached down and lifted the weapon in his hand surprised that it felt feather-light. As soon as he had it lifted he felt a strange surge flow from the sword and into him. He felt more powerful with it in his hands and he didnt understand why. As he stood there he picked up the sounds of voices coming from the treeline. He quickly hid behind a piece of the house so he could see who they were. Four men in leather armor with swords strapped to their sides came out of the woods and walked up to the house.
"Hey Marcus, I dont think we can get nuthin out of this junk." Said one of them.
"Well even if we find nuthin, we still have to check on what that bloody mage left." Spoke the one he assumed was Marcus.
"How do we even know that a mage lived up here?" Asked the third.
"I swear me and Drake saw magic things comin from 'ere." Marcus said angrily.
"Yeah, me an boss here saw." The fourth spoke nodding his head.
He grew curious about them and stepped from his hiding place into full view of them and looked at them carefully.
"Boss....what is that...." Drake pointed at him with a shaky finger. "His eyes boss....he aint natural...."
Marcus's eyes shifted to the blade at his side and his eyes widened. "Look at that blade....prob cost a fortune....hey bud hand it over and we wont hurt 'cha."
He decided that these were people were not going to be of any help besides supplies, and he wasnt willing to give his only weapon up to these goons. He lifted the sword in a threatening stance. He may have no memories but he knew how to handle this weapon. They grinned at him and laughed.
"E's got guts I'll say that much. Oh well, get 'em." Marcus commanded.
He didnt think, his mind went blank as he charged straight at them and planted the blade firmly into Marcus's chest, he twisted and spun around pulling the blade out as he dodged the three other slashes and went into a crouched position.
"Bloody 'ell, he killed boss...."
They charged at him with fury in their eyes. His sword sang through the air as it smashed one blade into pieces and he lifted his other hand and grabbed Drake sending a surge through him, freezing him solid. The last two looked at him in shock but shook their head and looked at him.
"What the 'ell are you?"
"Your end." As he spoke his breath came out in a mist as if he was in the freezing cold.
The one who he had broken his sword pulled a knife out and pointed it at him. He swung his blade and smashed it into the others sword shattering it and in that same motion cleaving the others head off his shoulders. The last man dropped what was left of his sword and tried to run away. But before he got far enough his sword cleaved through his tendons and he fell to the ground screaming.
"Wha...what are you?" The man gasped between screams.
He hefted his sword and looked at it then back at him.
"I dont know....but I have chosen a name. My name is Blade Icestorm." He then slammed the sword back into his chest finishing him off.
 

Lord Blade Icestorm


Twisted Serenade xD

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:35 am


Very Nice!!!!! (so dramatic) I was intrigued, and that says a lot considering I don't get to read that much...lol

One piece of constructive criticism: when you're writing a sentence and you've already mentioned a word, try to use a different one if you have to mention it twice in a sentence.

Ex: (your sentence) He looked down at himself and felt a shudder run through his skinfor his skin was deathly pale and covered in scars, however he wasnt cold.

could go something like this: He looked down at himself and felt a shudder run through his skin, for it was deathly pale and covered in scars, however he wasn't cold.

I'm not trying to criticize you at all, you know that love. I just happen to be really good when it comes to English.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 7:20 pm


Well...I pretty much think that this is really good all around.
It's awesome biggrin

5Bulletproof-Marshmellows
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Radioactive Snowflake

Hilarious Flatterer

PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 1:10 pm


It's really good, good job. :]
I really can't wait to see more. :]
Reply
Writing...poems, songs, stuff like that

 
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