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 Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:16 pm
ok well this is a peom i wrote i want to know your opinions on it and if i should contnue and if yes give me some ideas
Never ending war
At the start of every thing there is and will be there exists snow and ash. Two of which are neither relevant nor realistic.
The two of which are forbidden from one other but are equally balanced in war of which nether can win. For which each speck of snow there is an army of ash and for each speck of ash there is an army of snow.
A war of equal on each side nether right nor wrong. War is useless with out a cause. In the end nether world peace will be possible nor a world of hatred and sin.
The two are pointless in war though out history this has and will happen even in the history in our world today. Still nether snow nor ash has won.
At the start of every thing there is and will be there exists snow and ash. Two of which are neither relevant nor realistic.
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:42 pm
I think your poem is bursting with intulect and that many of your future writings will reflect your talent.
I aslo think that your same&oppisite concept is very intelligent and promising. I think by far the most that you will have a great mind flooded with new poetry ideas if you keep thinking oppisites such as fire&ice, wrong&right ect.
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Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:21 pm
I think this is more of a creative monologue than a poem. Beyond that the poem seems a bit too straight forward, it is lacking metaphor and you repeat lines every now and again. I think that the corrolation between the ash and snow should be explained, because it is vague and I found myself pondering that instead of following your train of thought.
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