So... last night, I tried to overdose. I didn't succeed, obviously.
I'm afraid to admit myself (I'm 22) to the hospital... What's making this so bad is the emotional abuse I get from my parents. Things have been especially bad since a made the terrible choice to return to living with them.
No agency cares about emotional abuse. No shelter will take me because I'm not in PHYSICAL danger. And I doubt the shelters would recognize emotional abuse in a parent/child relationship (trust me, this is NOT just "oh wah wah my parents don't leave me alone wahwah they're ruining my life" crap. What I live with daily is true emotional abuse. After 22 years, I only came to realize it a few months ago).

I'm planning on admitting myself to the hospital Monday, after a doctor's appointment (I also seem to have severe hay fever or something). I know I could find people to talk to at the hospital, and I'm dearly hoping I can get some sort of case manager or someone to help guide me through the rest of the s**t in my life. Besides being bipolar, I also have Asperger's, and I've become farbeyond overloaded with all the things that I need to do. I don't know how to pick my way through it anymore and I dearly need someone to help me. I can't ask that of my parents... trust me, I just can't. I don't want to hear anyone say "well just try harder". You have no idea what my life is like here, and how I HAVE tried, and what a hell those attempts end up being.

The catch is... if I admit myself... (well, while I'm there, I'll be stripped of so many freedoms... chained and choked. One of the very things I'm trying to desperately to escape here and one of the reasons I did so amazingly well when I lived on my own), eventually I'll have to be released. And after my parents find to why I was there (there's no way around that. They're the ones paying the insurance policy), they will be even MORE invasive in my life, and even use those events AGAINST me, and basically make the life I tried to escape to begin with even MORE of a hell.

So what should I do? Admit myself and play the gamble that I can find a case manager or someone to help me, and go home with things being even WORSE than they were in what prompted me to try to take my life to begin with?
Or just try to live with the hell as it is, knowing no agency gives a s**t about me?

Neither option looks too good.
Which is why I'll likely end up trying to kill myself again and again until I'm at long last successful and can finally be at peace.