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 Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:49 pm
I came to post and get critizism on my new halo story since noone reads my journal. crying
I shall put it in my next post. Comments are loved, critisism is loved more(helps me advance my writing skills)
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Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:59 pm
please ignore spelling errors
The year 2552, the Spartan 2 project was a rousing success. 75 spartan children were taken from their homes and trained and augmented on. 30 of the children died in training and do to augmentation failure. The surviving 45 continued to train and were inlisted in the UNSC. These super soldiers were bred for combat and stronger and faster than 12 men combined. Then there was the signature MJOLNIR armor. Even though they seemed invincible they were far from it. These Spartans became our best weapon against the brutal alien Covenant when war broke out. Spartans finally got the chance they had been waiting for to test their worth. It wasn't long before the Covenant figured out our "Demons" weren't as invinsible as they first appeared. The Spartans Linda-058, Kelly-087, Fred-104, Li-008, Anton-044, Grace-093, William-043, Joshua-029, Vinh-030, Sam-034, Issac-039, Malcolm-059, Jai-006, Adriana-111,and Mike-089 were all killed in the deadly alien onslaught. 29 other Spartans were all that remained. Only 2 of these 29 live to fight again. The other 27 were spread out through out the galaxy to help the fight on different fronts. The are all either K.I.A. or M.I.A. All except those 2. You've all heard of the sudden M.I.A. of Masterchief and all of his famous and daring exploits. But few have ever heard even the rumor that another Spartan still lives. The UNSC denies any of these claims. But the mystery Spartan certainly made his mark on the war. (end part 1) please comment and tell me what you think. after i use your comments to help further my skills I'll write another part. Keep in mind this was just placing the time and setting and trying to fill you in on the story's background. the action comes later.
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 6:09 am
its good but in my opinion u put a little too much details try keeping some things a mystery so the reader would want to keep reading to find out why this happened.
example: the part where u said "our 'Demons' weren't as invinsible as they first appeared" <----- this already lets me know ahead of time that eventually all the spartan willl die off unless u put a twisted to the story so that one or more stilled lived on.
what u could of said was "over time the covenant became furious with the spartan children." if the reader stopped and think they wouldn't have figured out the next part cuz there are so many reason why the covenant is mad. u can't really tell what gonna happen next so they would read on.
but only do this a several times in throughout the whole story or else it could start getting confusing. but overall its a good story. well hope this helps and good luck with the rest.
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