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i found this so i did not write any of them

99 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4.Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

6.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

7.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

8.Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

9.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

10.Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

11.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

12.One word: Flatulence!

13.On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

14.Do Tai Chi exercises.

15.tare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

16.When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

17.Give religious tracts to each passenger
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18.meow occasionally.

19.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

20.Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

21.Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

22.Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

23.Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

24.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

25.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

26.Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

27.Leave a box between the doors.

28.Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
29.Start a sing-along.

30.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

31.Shadow box.

32.Say "Ding!" at each floor.

33.Lean against the button panel.

34.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

35.Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

36.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

37.Bring a chair along.

38.Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

39.Blow spit bubbles.

40.Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

41.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

42.Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

43.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

44.Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

45.Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

46.If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

47.Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

48.Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

49.Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

50.augh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

51.Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.

52.Make chalk drawings on the walls.

53.As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"

54.Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

55.Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

56.Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

57.Find a crowded elevator and pace back and forth inside it.

58.Walk in, face the back and go about two inches from the back wall.

59.Walk in, and start reciting a shopping list in monotone.

60.Stand right in front of the doors when waiting to get on. (This gets a good reaction from the people inside.)

61.Once inside, stand right in front of the doors, waiting to get out. (This gets a good reaction from the people waiting to get on)

62.Wait til the door is almost closed then pry the doors apart with a painful expression on your face.

63.Sing anything by Guns 'n' Hosers while pantomiming the lyrics. (I love her but I had to kill her, would be good)

64.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

65.Look at the ground while standing in the corner and moan softly.

66.When the doors close, look at the person next to you and yell, "Your nostrils they're like wind tunnels, SUCKING UP ALL MY AIR!" Then scream and collapse, when the doors open, get up and calmly walk out.

67.Comment one by one, on the clothing of all the people riding in the elevator.

68.Push the emergency stop button and say "Now it's time for you all to DIE! Just kidding." restart the elevator.

69.Wander from corner to corner of the elevator during the course of the journey.

70.Hit every floor button, and at each floor get out and say, "Nope, this ain't the right one." Get back on and ride to the next floor. Repeat.

71.Explain to some poor innocent stranger all about the complex dental work you supposedly received. Get them to look in your mouth and everything.

72.Tell some poor sod your complete life history completely out of the blue.

73.Ask for advice on a completely disgusting problem.

74.Get a vote from the entire elevator about some completely pointless issue.

75.Say, "Omigod, did you hear that?" And look completely panicked while not uttering a single intelligible word.

76.Sit in the corner and meditate. "Ohm."

77.Pick up the emergency phone and try to order pizza.

78.Run like hell while the security guards try to find you to kick you out. (This can be applied to all)

79.Wear an earphone with the cord inside your jacket, carry a walkie-talkie. Once inside the elevator, stop it and say. "Williams FBI, I need to see some ID. Look at everybody's ID restart the elevator and talk into your walkie-talkie saying, "It's ok he's not on this one. But we think he did manage to find bullets for his gun."

80.Say to an older lady "My you've got nice hair." Pull out a pair of scissors and look suggestively at her.

81.In a foreign accent say "You are very beautiful." to a young girl. Pull out some money and say "How much to purchase you?". Indian accents work well for this, like the guy on Short Circuit.

82.Do all of these things with a friend, while both of you are wearing trench coats and dark glasses.

83.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

84.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

85.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

86.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

87.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on

88.Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

89.Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

90.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

91.Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

92.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

93.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

94.Swat at flies that don't exist

95.Tell people that you can see their aura.

96.Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

97.Talk in to your cell phone as you enter on the ground floor press floor 5 and when the door closes, in a shock voice say "what do you me theres a gun man on the fifth floor?"

98.Sell Girl Scout cookies.

99.Shave.

i do not wirte these the website they are on is : http://www.redmondfamily.com/Monique and Fraser/Jokes/List Jokes/99 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .


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'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey
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'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokes person for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC
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'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.'
--A congressional candidate in Texas
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'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President
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'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix '
-- Dan Quayle while campaigning
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'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
--Lee Iacocca
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'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .
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'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery
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'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go

to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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Feeling smarter yet?

Send it on to your brilliant friends.




And, remember, they walk among us.





i did not make these up. got in e-mail do not know address

Top Twenty Things to do While in a Drive Thru
1. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order

2. Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

4. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.

7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.

8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

9. Ask how they fit into that little box.

10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?"

12. When asked if they can take your order say " No, why can I take yours?"

13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

14. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.

19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

Not Mine http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Arena/9110/dtorder.html

ROFL http://media.photobucket.com/image/funny+tobi/HearThemScream/Funny Naruto pics/TobisguidetoNF.jpg?o=87 SO TRUE!!!!