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 Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:07 pm
This is mainly about a world unseen, basically meaning it doesn't exist. It was just for fun. biggrin
Unseen
The mind is big,
The world is small,
The grass is tall.
A building is a fig;
compared to them all.
The day is endless,
The year is brief,
The child is chief.
A book is full of bliss;
sometimes of grief.
The grains aren’t milled,
The beads aren’t strung,
The towels aren’t rung.
A heart can’t be killed;
it can’t be stung.
The fans will be still,
The sun will be old,
A scream will be a trill;
A cry will be bold.
The mind is unbound,
The eyes are keen,
The heart is mean.
This place not found;
will always remain unseen.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:06 am
Interesting, it reminds me of the book Lord of the Flies.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:53 am
The rhyme scheme really threw me off; once I got a hang of the rhyme, though, it didn't seem to have much rhythm to it.
There are some places where I would take out the end punctuation --
"A building is a fig; compared to them all," for example. I'd take out the semicolon after fig.
All the punctuation makes it feel very... jerky.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 4:07 pm
Shallarinath Interesting, it reminds me of the book Lord of the Flies. Really? I've never read that book so, I wasn't basing it on it.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 4:09 pm
Cathartic Denouement The rhyme scheme really threw me off; once I got a hang of the rhyme, though, it didn't seem to have much rhythm to it.
There are some places where I would take out the end punctuation --
"A building is a fig; compared to them all," for example. I'd take out the semicolon after fig.
All the punctuation makes it feel very... jerky. Ok, thanks for the suggestion. I was having trouble working on the punctuation when I wrote it so, I'll probably take that out.
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