CURIOUS THOUGHTS ALOUD
CHP 1

Am I good person?
I doubt I am...no one is perfect...

What about...
Is it normal to see things?
Things like what..?
Ghosts...
Vampires...
The other worlds otherwise hidden to us?
Yes...
I feel no need to answer that for you.
But please! I need answers...

Then I know I am alone with my words echoing back at me from the cathedral ceiling no longer my words but Gods. I hang my head and allowing the curtain of my once gracefully shiny hair to cover my face long forgotten among millions I see every day. I place my head against the cool marble on the ground pensive about everything that could come...or be rejected by how my next actions were taken by the Greater Earth bound powers that be.
I am still without answers when I leave the ringing chapel into a man's created rainy day and stubborn forecast skies, only to start another misfortunate day among mortals that only see inches in front of their noses.
Save me from what I can’t see, protect me from what I can...God will I ever find happiness as the martyr for a world that hates me so? Why bless me of all beings to do a job I never wanted?
...Of course...
What did I want?
Money?
Fame?
Love?
Talent?
To be remembered long after the dust from my bones have disappeared?

Who am I to test the will of the Ancients, who have seen more and done more than I have ever done in the last wasteful 19 years of my miserable existence? I’m barely remembered among those of my own household.

Am I forgotten for a reason?

I turn my eyes to the sky allowing the rain to wash over my face and gather over the dips in my eyelids swinging down over my dirty cheek. This rain is impure with the souls of thousands crying all the time in each drop their own hollowed screams echo into my ears.
I forgot where my foot steps have taken me and I hear screams, a rush of feet and then… the ground. the blackness behind my eyes swirled me into a soft mist of colourless trees and dying flowers and I thought to myself, ‘This must be what it feels like to die...’ my thoughts died in my head meant to go nowhere but everywhere at once.
It was my blood they cleaned up on that street that day, that terrible day when the souls of men where the most sinful beings around against the softest of Gods creations. I guess he heard me when I said 'save me' because hours after I died, I opened my eyes and the flex of powers I felt in my aching body were almost too much to bear.

Power...?
Why power?
Yes...
Why not?
Its sin to have wished better than any of the other creations...
I have other plans for you
Plans?
Yes, no more questions. You mustn't tarry here any longer.
But...
I SAID MOVE!

I jumped to my feet uneasy with the new sense of balance I had gained and swung through an open door into a hallway stiffly filled with the glow of crusty neon green lights making the hall appear sicker than most men shocked to the point of physical illness. In about 3 strides I crossed a hall that should've taken me about 5 minutes to walk across at a running pace even...
I look at the blurring green/yellow tile as I raced by it causing it to make a swirling sound of whooshing when a light was over my head. I heard even the pulsing of every being in the place and in moments since I rose I broke free into the world of men. I hesitated by the door unsure how to explain my new reappearance in an open hospital gown. I looked at my chest where an opening once was that looked as if it could've been used to take out my heart, gently seemed to sew itself shut. I felt sick and swung downwards feeling the edges of the gown flutter...
but I didn’t fall...

Wha...
You’re not going to fall.
...
Your body won’t let you fall or be human.
Excuse me?!
You’re no longer mortal in the world of mortal men, life as you know it now has different rules.

I felt a growl ripple in my throat; trying to blare my teeth at nothing in particular I could see. I didn’t understand and I don’t now...what exactly I was trying to threaten when I knew not of what was talking to me. All I could think to do was run to the only place I knew still existed...

Home...what I forsaken word...
I guess they forgot to mention immortals have no need for homes...


CHP 2
I dug around for my keys blindly on my body as I stood outside my door looking at that ridiculous lock I had to put on it not but a few days before. I swore. I left my keys behind at…at…where had I been?
I look toward the floor length mirror at the end of the floor and shivered from what I saw there, peering back at me through the mirror’s dusty reflection. My hair lay like that of a matted corpus and the colour that it once was had started to already be lost to the smoky atmosphere of this lying town. I had grown paler in my vain hope that my face might’ve turned at least a bit rosier than this normal pale I see before me, a “gift” from people who see so little sun. My body has swollen slightly but took nothing away from my sway around my hips when I moved and waist when I didn’t. I almost jumped back when I saw slender fingers reaching up to touch my hair, which to my shock had grown longer since my awakening. My hair was once cropped below my ears and kept there neatly, but I guess as in the words of my savior, has other plans for itself.
So much of my life had changed in the amount of…how long has it been? I can’t even recall the amount of time it had been around when I left the chapel… how ever long ago that was… I tear my eyes away from my reflection and I stare at the door long and hard thinking, if you love me Ancient ones than you’ll open this door for me so I no longer stand out here looking the part of the fool. Before I had thought the last word aloud in my head the door creaked open just enough for me to squeeze by and as I slid by the door frame I realized my body was now perfectly shaped and athletic looking. I close the door hesitating by the lock enough to flip the lights on and slip the deadbolt. I wasn’t sure what was going on and if that bolt could stop something I pray it stops everything mortal from coming through that door.
Then on the next order of business I ripped that foul smelling hospital gown off my body and kicked it clean out the open window I must’ve left open when I originally left home. Whatever I’m closing it now, reaching across the vast opening over the fire escape I pull the window back in by the latch. I peer across the way into the other apartment across from mine and see my neighbor, an extremely curious man named Demon and I have no idea why. I barely know anything about him at all except he doesn’t like me or the sunlight that he has streaming into his apartment through the large window now.

Odd, I thought to myself.
Hush, mind your own business. He has his own for today and there you go forgetting you’re hanging out by the window naked with people below you gawking.

I jump back and run into the shower sliding the curtain shut and start the water immediately letting loose a slight howl when the water was boiling against my skin, seeming to stain it red with heat, a light flash of pain raced over my arm but I quickly forgot it as if it was only a tiny fly that landed innocently on my arm. I reached for the soap that I generally used to get paint from my hands thinking that the stronger soap would do me greater good than the usual bath soap. As I scrubbed my hair I watched as the river of water run down my leg red with my own blood, I forced myself to look away. Satisfied that I got most of the blood from my hair, I moved on to my body unable to help admiring the way my muscles flexed and moved to the slightest thought I had. ‘Amazing…I thought to myself, How can I now be such a creature of beauty and mystery when I was once such a…hmmm what was I exactly?’

A fool, that’s what you once were. Ignorant to yourself and life’s true calling.
How could I miss something like that? I was thoroughly confused by this statement.
You were human then. Now there are no flaws and “helpers” to guide you this time that you simply can’t ignore.
…Helpers?...
I am one of them.
…But…
Why now? After all this time?
…Umm yes…
Because you weren’t important then you are now. That’s just how it works.
I still don’t understand…
Good. The time for understand was long since past. Your new life duty will be revealed to you in due time. For now play the part of the clueless human and all will be revealed. I must leave you now. Good luck yearling.

“Wait!” I called into the shower listening to my voice be absorbed by the heated mist reflecting back at me off my mirror. “I don’t know what I am to do! How can you abandon me like this?!”
And of course I got no answer then because I knew myself a fool before I even called after the nothing that was clearly protecting me then. I was nothing to it as I still am nothing now…I couldn’t save that voice that helped me become reborn and lead me from the eternal dark I was surely eventually going to be swallowed by…but I couldn’t help but be hopeful that that particular voice would one day come back and save me again or at least this time I could repay the debt I had so clearly forgotten with most of my useless or unimportant human memories.
It didn’t stop me form collapsing with my back against the back wall of my shower sliding down to the ground, gathering my knees about my body letting the water wash my long forgotten sins away. I must’ve fallen asleep there because I awoke to the night whispering my name and then I lurched forward from a set of hands that slipped over my shoulders as if they belonged there. I yelped when they touched me and refused to let go of my dying flesh, it allowed me to feel the pain of dying again and I understood holding still would be much, much better than attempting to wiggle free from it. I froze in my place as a hand slide over my chest loosely hanging around my mid-section meanwhile the other caressed shoulder to shoulder in front of my neck bringing me farther back into whatever the hell it was. It forced the water that once ran red over my body from the heat to a course black blue giving off the immediate impression of cold winter and sin. But this time I felt no pain, only…what was…this new…emotion… I have no name for it…I couldn’t…even understand it…
“Please,” I said into the empty space before me, “Who hurt you?”
“Shh.” It told me leaning forward towards my ear as if it wished to whisper a long forgotten secret in my ear “You will know soon enough Savior of Souls.”
The light surged and went out as a candle does in a whiff of wind when the night breaks loose into sheltered homes in the hills. I couldn’t know for sure if the spirit which held me now knew me at some point or was simply sent from somewhere else I didn’t know about yet. But I knew one thing about her…she was hurt once by people who loved the very idea of injustice upon the female body. I understood that undesirable emotion was hers… she was robbed of something so precious that it consumed her even after she died.
Her story came to me and it was like I knew I could help her but…how could I help someone I never really met? I was always more isolationist and fearful of people… how could I no longer be afraid among things I can’t even see? I remember the first voice told me that I was more special than the people around me. The only true difference I ever saw in myself from other people was the fact…I…had moral conscience of everything around me and was overly aware of almost everything. She brought me back to her by forcing the water so cold it was like the river leading into Hell and I had not been given the gift of money at my death to catch the boat leading in so I like so many other countless souls swam in the darkest of waters towards colourless eyes after being forced in by the boat keeper never to break the surface again.
“I will come to thee by moonlight and your body and mine will be joined forever he told me…just like in the poem my mother use to read to me all the time. I always wondered how he knew that she did. He never told me and I always seemingly forgot to ask in his presence.” I coughed when she gripped me so hard the faded bruised body she had sunk so deep into my flesh even with my reborn heart made it so difficult to breathe, I did the first thing I knew how to do… and that was to struggle.
My mistake. She grew angry with me and the water then fell over me like boiling oil freshly poured from the caldron, “IF YOU STRUGGLE YOU SHORTEN YOUR LIFE!” My heart started to seize and then I realized I was not dying simply ending my human instincts to have a common beating heart. I continued to live as if I had no heart I caught a chuckle in my throat forcing it to die before I angered her more. Honestly I didn’t want to test the unseen just yet.
“How am I?” I asked now ignoring the pain she was causing my mortal body.
Factually she answered slightly smug, “If you don’t struggle when someone is trying to attack you or kill you, you live a whole 3 seconds longer than you would if you struggled listlessly.”
“And if I wish to die?”
“Then I guess you aren’t our Savior then.”
There they go again with all that Savior business. What the hell were they talking about? There’s nothing extraordinary about me. There has to be some mistake. Gah…what the ******** am I?!
She whispers in my ear, ticking it with the sounds of her ghostly laughter “You can’t die without saving the lost first. You are I suppose immortal for the time being but don’t get your hope up that mortals can’t kill you. I’m sure there are mortals out there that can figure out what you are and kill you either really slow and painfully or do a mercy killing to ward the world from what they see as unnecessary evil.”
“Then I’m jealously envious of them!” I shouted it out over the water, she was taken back enough she had released me and I moved away flipping the shower off. I stormed from the shower dripping all over the oriental rug and bamboo floors in my bedroom disappearing into my closet snapping its door in place.