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 Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:50 pm
I've been severely depressed ever since I was a child.
I began showing signs of schizophrenia when I was in seventh or eighth grade. But by "showing", I mean realizing I was kind of crazy and hiding it from everyone.
Finally got treatment and was hospitalized in tenth grade...about five years ago. After I was stable (about ten months later) the psychiatrist I was seeing decided to change my medicine.
I was hospitalized again about a month later.
Moving on...
A year ago I got into a government program... Part of the Department of Human Resources; Vocational Rehabilitation. It aimed to get their members into jobs or job training, and to help them keep it. I got into the school of my dreams, thanks to them: the Jeweler's Academy in my city, run by the American Jeweler's Association. My parents paid for the tools and I went into it.
Three months into the four month class, my health took a serious nosedive. I was diagnosed epileptic after I had a grand maul (? I never could get the name right...) seizure, and for some time I was having seizures every day. My medicine got switched some more, and I slid into another depressive episode. I couldn't go to school because I was dizzy and sick and either fainting or having seizures.
About three months ago, Voc Rehab retracted their funding, because my health was so bad. Never got to finish school, since we don't have the money.
For about a month somewhere along the line, I was in such great moods. I had no school, but I had life and that should be enough...
...But it isn't. I can feel myself sliding downward again and I don't know what to do.
...
I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm posting this emo bullshit.
I guess if anyone's got any sort of response, I'll accept it... but if not, that's okay too.
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Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 10:00 pm
Your health and the impact it had on schooling is similar to my own situation, however mine is not as extreme. But I do know how you feel. When I was younger, in grades 7-10 I began to suffer dizziness, fainting and sickness every day. Every day! I've been to the doctors numerous times for it. The possibilities of what it was that was causing this scared me. The doctors first thought it was epilepsy. And then they thought it was diabetes..but it was finally pinned to anxiety.
After time, the episodes simmered down, but they still haven't ceased even to this day. Which concerns me..I haven't had the motive to go back to school or get a job, because of how sickly I am. I missed a lot of classes in college because of migraines and illness, and I don't want to have to go through that again. I don't want to look like a bad student or a bad worker.
So on that subject I can relate to you. I know it's not always comforting when people say "I understand" or "I know how you feel" but I do. It's a frustrating life and it really does feel hopeless. But maybe some day you can find something that will help pull you out of your hole. Something to want to smile for. c:
And I think that is downright awful that the Voc Rehab took away the funding. If only they had given you a chance to negotiate or find you another alternative. It's not right to leave you high and dry.
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dolls in stitches Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:00 am
Hearing someone say, "I know how you feel" in this situation is kind of a blessing and a curse... Sometimes it feels like no one could ever understand, but other times I realize that I'm not completely alone.
Anxiety attacks are something I am very familiar with. I am sorry that this is something you have to go through, Dolls, because it is a harsh thing to have to deal with. You're right when you say it is frustrating and sometimes seems hopeless.
I guess in some sort of morbid way I am happy that you have gone through something similar, because it means that I really am not entirely alone, and that my musings and trip down memory lane could be related to.
Thank you for responding, Dolls. It does mean a lot to me.
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Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 10:55 pm
Stories like this are heartbreaking. I'm a Christian and sometimes I wonder why God puts people in these situations.
I was diagnosed with depression my sophomore year of high school, but I've been suffering from it for a long time. Even when I was little, I was always depressed... for no reason, it seemed like. Then in the 9th grade, well, it took a turn for the worse.
Anyways, I know how you feel in the sense that my education has also been affected by my depression. My grades suffered pretty badly. I would have panic attacks frequently, and sometimes I couldn't even go to school because I'd be sobbing hysterically and shaking. It was really hard on my mom because as a parent, she's supposed to make her kids go to school. But sometimes I'd be on the verge of... well, not wanting to live anymore. So what's a parent to do?
Oh, and I also suffer from migraine headaches. MIGRAINE SUFFERERS, UNITE!!!
I also know how you feel about being in a great mood and just knowing that it'll go downhill again. Whenever I'm happy, I almost make myself depressed because I think about how I won't be happy forever. Depression can really feed itself. You just have to train yourself to think good thoughts. I know you've been told this and I know it's hard, but don't think about the future and how you'll be unhappy again. Your brain is like a muscle; you have to train it, or else it'll go back to the way it was.
About your education: have you thought about going to a community college, or online classes? You could just take it easy with only one or two classes to start with, and then if you ever get stability in your health, you could take more classes or could even transfer.
Just hang in there. It seems like you have a good support group. Don't worry, your education can be put on hold. You can still become anything you want to be. Just worry about your health right now.
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Friendly Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 7:01 pm
Tybalt, you picked the wrong group to say "I guess if anyone's got any sort of response, I'll accept it... but if not, that's okay too." This guild is a family. Seriously. I was invited by a friend and she was the only one I knew, now I love all these girls and guys like brothers and sisters. We are always around when one needs another. Anyways, obviously there are people here who can understand what you're going through which just adds to the whole "we're here for you" stuff biggrin but while I cannot relate to you in physical health, I can relate to you in mental health. I have DID, which most people refer to by its old name MPD or multiple personality disorder. I know exactly what its like to feel that your crazy and to hide it from everyone. For the most part I still do, well I shouldn't say I, they do it unintentionally. Its one of those "unless you know me really well..." kind of things because it's not like 'one of them smokes and I don't' things. Anyways, I won't go into major detail about it unless you want me too smile , but I just wanted you to know that there is yet another person here that understands. ---------------- Winamp: Sarah Polley - Courage
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