Welcome to Gaia! ::

hey guys,
well this is quite long...ive been concerned. I built my relationship, still building and still praying and its constant...im very cautious. Ive been bitten once and i dont wish to go through it again, but i feel they will attack me whenever they get a chance to, i see through their plans, i see everything. Now that i know the truth. they wont try to trick me (maybe still try tempt me), but this time. They will attack me, they wont hold back.

But im glad God is helping me out with it, and i trust the Lord, i am happy. But im still confused and i dont want to speak to any priests, because i cant trust some. Not all will take it well. I have a question but i need to explain the whole story to ask the question.

I told my friend who told me i was pretty much possessed, didnt tell her the whole story.
i never really told anyone the complete story. I am trully ashamed and guilty of it.

So just a background of how it began.
Before I was depressed. Everything just failed, nothing went according to my plans, I just had terrible self esteem and went through a lot at home and school. Then i blamed My depression pulled me away from my faith (which i never really had from the beginning but only casually believed). I felt suicidal. And this wasnt a "im so sad i think im going to try to kill myself" kind of suicide. But a real planned suicide.

When i fell depressed and etc i started hallucinating. Heard a voice calling my name in a very cheerful tone, i saw a shadow floating above me, watching me. These dark things grew over time. One day, i went to mass. That day i didnt feel anything. No sense of happiness, nothing. I felt that everybody was worshipping some made up God, at that time, I thought to myself "whats wrong with these people, why are they worshipping, cheering, singing, carrying around that cross, why are they doing this? theres nothing here! there is nothing. Its just a building filled with decoration..."
That time, i felt different....
Time passed and i started having dreams. Couple of nightmares as usual. Never had one night without a dream.
Dreamt of hell..maybe it was purgatory. I was apparently screaming throughout the whole night and my mom tried to wake me up but couldnt. Cant remember any of it but only the end. And it was pretty bad...

So what happened after that was, i thought it would be great to speak to your guardian angel and do this spiritual thing trying to seek them... Im even ashamed to speak of it, I was stupid, i was foolish...and this was a BIG mistake.
That time, it failed. But after a while i started having vivid dreams, i had sleep paralysis. Even in my little naps. I grew a phobia to sleeping.
I was dreaming at the same time i was aware. I heard a voice laughing along to this dream. I heard, i saw something. And i felt it shaking me and wake me up every hour. And every time i saw the time, it was always 33 past. So freaky..still sometimes see it. But its reduced the number of times happening.

One day, i just couldnt handle it, i was desperate to try anything, so i did a st michael prayer. It surprisingly worked! i prayed again every night. One night i forgot to, and the nightmare came back. But the prayer became constant.
I recieved my gift of salvation later when i felt really curious. That really changed my life. Took away my depression so suddenly.

After that, i prayed to God to see my guardian, to thank him personally...i dont know what i was thinking before, but now i look back and wow...i dont even know what to say. Apparently something appeared in an angel form. I felt spirits trying to touch me, i heard voices, i felt presence of demons(extremely and dangerously scary). I did or said things which i dont remember.

I went overseas and that time i thought alot about this situation, and realised i was tricked, theres demons all over me. that angel was fake, i was shocked.
Mom brought me a pendant (rare) which is suppose to cast out demons from you, or from your home. I wear it every day. I stopped having dreams, havent felt any presence. I was soo happy that the Lord has given me this gift. To protect myself.

So like recently, i thought it would be good to lend it to my brother because i always saw and felt presence in his room, he seemed disturbed, i slipped it under his pillow. I went to sleep. And i suddenly felt afraid and insecure. I was praying, fell asleep but still praying in my sleep. I saw something flying across my room. The very same shadow. I felt it pushing me down...strangling me...i got up to grab my pendant but i tripped, i tried to scream, but couldnt because something was strangling me...instead it sounded like hisses....and i woke up from that nightmare.....

i never took the pendant off ever since...only when i take a shower...So im pretty safe. But what if i take it off again...?
So i dont know what else i should do about this. I dont want to worry anyone around me. Dont know if i should tell a priest. I still pray, and stuff...but still

that "pendant" you are talking about, is it the Saint Benedict medal? whether it is or not, the Saint Benedict medal does the same as what you described, and you can get them very easily.
put "Saint Benedict" in the search on this site -
www.leafletonline.com
they have medals, crosses, books, and more.

i think it would be very helpful for you to contact a priest about this, even if you find it hard to trust them, they really can't do anything to you if they don't believe you, although i do have a suggestion, the priests from the fssp take things like this very seriously, and if you have one near you, i'm sure they would come to help you, or if you don't have one near you, then i'd still recommend calling one of them, because they will still help you however they can -
http://www.fssp.org/en/coordonnees.htm
just see if there's one near you, or pick one you think sounds good and call them.

i would also suggest getting a spiritual director to help you with your religion and spiritual life, which is something you can also do on the phone, like if you find that you like one of those priests from the fssp, they would make great spiritual directors.

do you have holy water, blessed salt, and blessed oil? those are very powerful things to make the devil run away,
also seek help from the Blessed Mother, say the rosary every day, and pray the Hail Mary when you feel scared or upset,
the saint Michael is a very good prayer to, as you already know, and another thing to do is simply say "Jesus" or "Jesus help me", His name alone is enough to send demons flying.

i know these things are scary, i've had experiences of my own with the devil, but you have to be courageous, remember that Jesus is always with you, and you have a power inside of you that the devil is terrified of, the devil really can do no real harm to you, he wants to scare you and discourage you and distract you, especially when he sees that he is losing you, he is really just a punk, and you are more powerful then he is, the only thing stopping you right now is your fear, but God can help you with that to if you just ask.

another powerful weapon against the devil is fasting and mortification, which are things that you should talk to your priest about, because i know of alot of people who try to fast and just get it all wrong, like one person i know of, will go and not eat all day, until finally he is to hungry and just ends up gorging himself neutral so yeah...there are guild lines to follow, but for advice on mortification, here is a nice article i have on my forum that will explain that well -
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=13047443

and regarding your spiritual life, taking part in the sacraments will be a big help, confession every month at the least, and communion when you are in the state of grace.
and also Eucharistic adoration, which will help you in your spiritual life and your relationship with God immensely.
also spiritual reading, like the lives of the saints, and the writings of the saints, or anything you find interesting on these sites -
www.tanbooks.com
www.fraternitypublications.com

i really don't know a heck of alot on possessions and exorcisms, so i definitely recommend talking to a priest about this,

alright, hope this helps, tc.