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Tags: Writing, Literature, Stories, Epic, Poetry 

Reply .: OneShots :.
The Sky is never Black (warning: strong emotions/angst)

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Tantisper

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:41 pm


The sky's never black.


I looked out my window, at the pink haze created by the fake lights. They block out the stars, making the sky seem like an endless pit of emptiness; a pit only held off by these fake lights.

I wonder if the same lights could hold the darkness out of my heart. Perhaps that light was you. You're gone now, and the blackness is immanent; piercing like glass shards.

I know you can see the same thing from your own window, I've looked out of it myself, on many nights like tonight. The world feels like a broken shelter, something that you cling to, hoping it's enough to protect you, when you know it's not. Somewhere, we all have that knowledge, that these lives we live are all just an act.

We're like children who try to hide from something scary. We act as though it's not scary, and ignore it; all the while wishing, hoping, it goes away or disappears. You were my shelter, and a false one at that.

I used to put on a happy mask, and smile, knowing you were using me; but too afraid to face it.I used to think that, as long as I could pretend, everything would be alright, it would all work out in the end. Then you left me.

These fake lights, they dye the sky pinks and reds and purples, but never black. Nothing was ever what it was supposed to be. Nothing ever is.

When you left, I was broken. More broken then I ever thought possible. But life's full of surprises, I guess. Weeks have gone by; everyone seems to thinks I'm fine now. "He doesn't know what he's missing," and "You're better off without a man like him, anyhow," is all they tell me. They're wrong.

I wonder, if I rise above the lights, will the sky be black again? Inky black, and filled with twinkling lights, like the night we met? I want to know.

Below me the street is crowded, screams and sirens can be heard. Their all fools though. Ever since you left me for her, I couldn't move forward. Time has stopped. And now time to stop it for good. I want to fly beyond the lights.

I stand up.

I can feel the wind, then nothing.

Blackness.


The stars are beautiful tonight.
 
PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:42 pm


Because my love for you will never fade...


(Yes, I know... when I say short... I mean SHORT)

But this was something I typed up at like... three am... but I really want to hear what you guys think of it... especially since I never seem to wright in first person... lol


True love discovered in the Definition of Love Series

Tantisper

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rottenlust

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:24 pm


There was a few grammar errors but other then that it was fine. I really love the symbolism, I strongly using symbolism in writing myself, and all the metaphors. It might be an easier read if you broke up some of the paragraphs. There was a couple awkward sentences but most were good, and for the majority it flowed pretty well. It kind of reminded me of a poem, you should try your hand at that.

Rotten
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:37 pm


I agree with Rotten; there are a few awkward sentences in there, and a few grammatical errors, mostly with the semicolons. I would suggest you read the semi-colon section of Kassandra Dastardly's Epic Grammar Guide for the Grammar Illiterate, located in the Writing Discussion forum. Hell, read the whole thing, it's fabulous!

Anyway, the story is very beautiful, and I love the imagery. It's so... (I've used beautiful, so) gorgeous.

~Melo


Athnai
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Tantisper

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:50 pm


Because my love for you will never fade...


Thanks guys... I wasn't expecting it to be perfect... I'm awful at catching my own mistakes, and at three in the morning... well... I'm hopeless, lol.

Perhaps some time I'll get around to editing it...


True love discovered in the Definition of Love Series
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