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 Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:56 pm
Ok I really need ppls opinion...... I need harsh words if you don't like it..... I will post all 6 parts I have right now..... But I really need advice to make it better......
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:59 pm
Part one!!!!
* I lay in my bed, my little sister above me. Outside my window, a bright full moon illuminated the white fence boards yet to be put up, and the vine-clad chainlink fence.
The starlight glittered coldly in the summer night sky. Few star could be seen, but those that could were bright.
My bunk-beds had been placed in and L-shape so I could look out the window.
The little window was open, the screen removed.. I awaited my Shadow, tonight was my Birthnight.
"Serena," He whispered as he came through the window.
"Jake!" I exclaimed quietly as he wrpped me in his arms. He wore hisShadow leathers ans a black turtleneck. The sleeveless shirt had steel woven into the cloth for protection.
"Come, time to make 'Serena' your true name." He picked me up, careful that his onyx claws didn't catch my black basketball shorts. He jumped out the window, carring me so we could travel faster.
I watched his dark hair sway with the wind as his blue-white eyes watch things that my human eyes couldn't see.
"I can't wait to see you as a shadow, Dorrie. And being changed beneath your guardian's eyes too. She will be kind to you as a Shadow." He said.
"Selene may be my guardian, but Hekate shall be my guide." I told him.
We reached the alter, a great stone witha carving of the two sides of the night. Night of No Moon and The Night of the Full Moon.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:01 pm
Part two!!!!!
* I was going to be special Shadow, born beneath the full moon, the first in over 200 years. I also was the first to ask to become Shadow.
Soon as Jake set me down we were joined by two more Shadows. Holly, a red-headed female with a firey temper, and Shane, the cool, calm,and collected second-in-charge to Jake.
Both were in their fighting clothes, Shane in the same as Jake only he was less brawny. Holly wore a black long-sleeve turtle-neck, black denium shorts ans a black leather vest. Her short red hair was pulled up into two messy buns. Shane's long dark brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. His pale green eyes were wise and kind, showing his age even though he looked 18. Shane is one of the oldest Shadows ever to live. He was made almost 1,242 years ago in France By Kamakin, A female Shadow with raven's wing hair and blood red eyes. She is also the sire of Jake and She's the mate of Kimal, leader of the Shadows. Kimal is The sire of Holly and Kamakin, as well as others.
"Welcome, Dorrie Danette Brown, daughter of the humans Jamey and Theresa." Jake said. "Come forward, little one, time for you ceremony to begin."
I joined him on the stone alter. He took my face in his hands and pulled me close to his.
"Are you sure about this?" He whispered.
"Jake, I want to be with you . So just do this." I bared my throat, waiting for the delicous bite.
I felt the sharpness of his fangs as he positioned himself over my vein. Only then did a stroke of fear run though me. My heart started to race as his soft lips circled my vein. In the few seconds I had before he bit down, I enjoyed the gentleness in which he kissed my neck.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:05 pm
Part three!!!!!!
As pain ripped through me, I started to shake. Jake latched on to my throat and held me still so he wouldn't tear my soft flesh.
tab After a few seconds of the gentle sucking, Jake removed his fangs and licked the wound to jump start the healing.
tab Shane came forward with a silver cup and gave it to me to hold. Jake lifted his wrist and bit down to open a vein. He let the sweet liquid poor into the cup. When he started to pull away, I grabbed his wrist and licked the left over blood away and kissed the wound. I looked at his face as he took his wrist back.
tab I felt the blood mingle with mine in my veins and could feel the strength of my love as his blood joined mine.
tab "Drink." Shane said.
tab I tilted back the cup and drain Jake's blood from it. I felt stronger with every gulp, more powerful, more invincible.
tab "Welcome, new Shadow," I turned and saw a beautiful woman in a long black robe before us. I heard Shane and the others drop to the ground. I cast a look to see them down on one knee, one hand tight against their chests, the other behind their backs.
tab "Goddess Hecate, what a pleasure to see you once again." Shane said.
tab The goddess's Long black hair was well past her hips and her dark eyes glittered with pride as she looked upon her new bloodline.
tab "Young Shadow, As well as renaming you, I bless you with the mark of Dark Magic, my mark shall rest upon your Right arm."
tab I looked to see a dark circle surrounded by black stars appear on my arm.
tab "I thank you, my goddess." I said, bowing my head.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:06 pm
Part Four!!!!!!
tab "Sister Hecate, you have beat me to our new blood." Another beautiful woman stood before us, her white robe swirling around her in the light midnight breeze. Her pale blonde hair was also past her hips and her eyes were a pale siler-white, the color of the full moon.
tab "Selene....." I whispered in awe and respect. Tight at her heels was a silver panther, his eyes as dark as the night sky.
tab "Sister Selene, a pleasure to see you." Hecate said. The moon goddess smiled at me, her gaze just as warm as the dark goddess's.
tab "Serena, i wish to give you my mark as well. MY mark shall rest upon your left arm." A silver cresant moon and a yellow star slowly started to appear on my arm. " I also came to give my daughter a gift. A taste of your future." The goddess closed her eyes and spoke in a voice that rang of ancient wisdom. "Named for the goddess, she and for, shall finally seal the tyrants door."
tab I felt my jaw drop. MY mother goddess had just revealed to me a prophecy.
tab "I also wish to have you become the Messenger of the Goddesses. Hermes serves the gods, but you shall be ours. The wings of the messenger will be placed on your back . Now, my dear, you must return home." With that the goddesses vanished.
tab "Come on, Serena, I best get you home." Jake said wrapping one arm around my waist.
tab "Is that it? Am I a Shadow now?"
tab "No, you have a long way to go." Shane told me. "You'll see, we shall come many times for you." To that he added something in french.
tab "What?" I asked.
tab He laughed "'Be strong and the gods shall bless you.' " He was still laughing as he and Holly Faded Into the darkness.
tab Jake Picked me up and headed toward my house. He moved slowly this time, enjoying the few hours we had left together.
tab " I am already blessed." I whispered into Jake's neck. A soft laugh shook his body.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:09 pm
Part Five!!!!!
Suddenly I was wrapped in warmth on my bed with Jake laying my blankets over me.
tab I laughed and pushed the covers away, grabbing Jake's wrist and pulling him down to lay beside me.
tab He had closed the window and the heater had come on. My radio was playing 'When your gone' by Avril Lavigne, the same song that had been playing when I woke up to Jake looking at me. I couldn't help but think about that night when ever I hear it....
tab I looked out the window, the moonless sky seemed both harsh and comforting, This was the scene of my dream. That phantom of a boy that comes to me every night in my dreams, my prince of darkness. I can always feel his arms, his kiss. His voice was kind and not to deep, but as light tenor. I lay down in my bed, trying to sleep so I could get up for school in the morning.
tab I fell asleep around ten, but my dream wasn't about my phantom. I was awakened by a rush of cold air and when I opened my eyes, above me, on his knees, hands on either side of my head, his blue-white-eyes watching me, he was there.
tab "Jake..." I said his name in a whisper.
tab "How do you know my name?" He asked in that beautiful voice.
tab I reached up and touched his face. "I have seen this moment in my dreams." I said.
tab With our warning, he kissed me, his soft lips caressing mine.
tab "You must be the one......" He said against my lips.
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Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:11 pm
Part six!!!!!
The sound of Jake's voice jolted me back to the present.
tab "Huh? What?" I looked at him.
tab "I said, what are you thinking about?"
tab "Our first kiss..." I said, a smile pulling at my mouth.
tab i heard him move in the darkness. "Oh really......" I didn't need to see his face to know he was smiling, I could hear it in his voice.
tab His hand found mine and he pulled it to his mouth for a soft kiss. I snuggled closer to his chest. "I love you Jake, don't ever leave me.." I whispered into the darkness.
tab His lips found mine and he kissed me gentle. "Serena, I could never leave you, you hold the key to my heart....."
tab After I was fully changed into a Shadow, some disturbing news came. I was only half Shadow. I was a day-walker, an impure. Because Shadow blood is made up of both guardian and vampire blood, my human blood complicated things.
tab Well, I guess it also helped, I wouldn't have to tell my family, and I could see my friends easier. And I only had my fangs and claws on the night of the full moon. I was also the strongest on that night....
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Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:57 am
wow. that was realy good and detailed i love it. i hope to see more. but maybe you should describe the rest of her changing . and then finding out she was only half, that would be cool. but i love it its realy great, and a good idea^^. love it and keep writing^^
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:05 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 9:15 pm
Love it..of course..lol...keep it up Rena blaugh
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Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:01 pm
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Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:05 pm
We need to write a story together...lol
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Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:22 pm
Omg.....I cried this time,believe it or not....
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:00 am
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:47 am
I have no clue...I think it was more of 'awww' crying then 'boo who' crying....
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