Welcome to Gaia! ::

I struggle now, though my struggle be lazy. I listen and look. I look for love. I wonder, who have I made me? Who has God made me? Loneliness, true loneliness, is the absence of love. I am lonely. It is not the loneliness of a single boy in his late teens. It is the loneliness of one who is meant to be surrounded and supported by his own kind but is not. All that surrounds me is a crowd of dolls with empty eyes. I realize that this is not their fault. It is mine. Those 'empty' eyes are only a reflection of my own emptiness. They are dolls because I turned them into dolls. Through my lies and manipulation, they became nothing but toys, detached and inhuman. Some say that i have built walls around me. It is not walls but moats. I have dug these moats so deep that when I am done, and I wish to get out, I find that I can't. All I need is someone to throw me a rope. i see people who know I am in trouble. They wish to help, but they don't understand. They are looking for walls, so that they can find a gate and open it, like they do with everyone else. Unfortunately, I am not enclosed by walls. I am trapped in a moat that i dug. The old helpers look hopeless, so I turn to fresh people. Through a global network i spill my heart. Does no one see? Do they not hear my plea in my words. They treat my words as creative writing. They praise it or critique it. It is not creativity! It is my heart! Yet all they do is goggle at me. The ones who knew me, without exception, rejected me. I have thrown them away. The ones who I know can't find me. The ones who meet me can't see me. Who am I?

Yah. it does.