Welcome to Gaia! ::

((This is not fiction. I was trying to do another heart vomit, but it ended up being a confession instead))


My life, like that of a lot of people, is acted. The problem for me is that it is all an act. No one knows me. This lifestyle has had a ( at least from my point of view) horrendous side effect. Extreme loneliness. Even when I'm surrounded by my friends, telling me they love me, hugging me, I do not feel it. I do not hear it. It is because they are loving someone else that I have given them. I look inside and I see emptiness. I strain my eyes, looking around me. It is the same, emptiness. My aching arms reach for something to fill my smoldering heart. There is nothing.

I actually meant to write something else, oh well. Here it is. Due to a certain medical problem, I have been completely alone since i could remember. I would rather not describe the medical problem because I don't like to think of it. Just note that it repelled everyone from me. When I was a freshman, I noticed a community that accepted you for one trait, regardless of the rest of the package. As I could go no lower, I decided to give it a try. From then on, I pretended to be gay. It worked wonders! Suddenly, I'm surrounded by friends. The prejudice i could handle. For that is what I was receiving from everybody. Now it was only the christians and homophobes. Since then, I have put myself through everything necessary to prove my 'homosexuality'. I have done things that no strait man should ever go through. When I realized the suffering and loneliness I was putting myself through, It was too late. I was afraid that my friends would hate me for my lies. It came to the point where it was finally unbearable. (The fact that i had fallen in love might have had an effect on this) So, I have now decided to risk it. If I could salvage even one friend, i will be better off than i have ever been.