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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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 Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:45 pm
This is a thread for jokes of all types, We don't discriminate we just laugh! So let the hilarity ensue! blaugh
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:23 pm
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but @ssholes.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:35 pm
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
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Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:36 pm
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 5:24 pm
A conversation of two men at work near the coffee pot:
Wally: I'm thinking of adopting an incomprehensible accent so no one can understand what I'm saying.
Dilbert: You just finished the coffee pot. Aren't you going to fill it up again? Well...?
Wally: Jmorp bleep quwaaary vovovol cuxibeno.
((sorry. it's from a comic strip so I guess you really need to see the visual))
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 11:15 am
101 ways to annoy someone...
1. Sing th Batman theme incessantly
2. In the memo field of all of your checks write, For sensual massage.
3. Specify that your drive through order is To-go.
4. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of, "Beep Bip Beep Beep Bip."
5. If you have a glass eye tap on it randomly with a pen while talking to people.
6. Amuse your self for hours by hooking a camcorder to your tv and pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in "Robot" voice.
8. Push all of the flat legos together, tightly.
9.Start each meal by conspicuously lick every piece of you food. Then declare that this is so no one will Swipe you grub.
10. the the Copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on plastic Ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave you turn signal on for 50 miles.
14. Name your dog, "Dog."
Since I'm on the PS3 I'm gonna have to break this up into a few posts, sorry.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:10 pm
15. Insist upon leaving your windshield wipers on in all weather conditions, to keep them tuned up.
16. Reply to anything someone says with, That's what YOU think.
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your astronaut training.
18. Declare your appartment an independant nation then sue your upstairs neighbors for violating your airspace.
19. Forget the punch to a long joke, but assure the listener that it was a real hoot.
20. Follow a few paces behind someone spraying everythng they touch with lysol.
21. Practic making Fax and Modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information from scietific papers and CC: them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversation, and see how many people play along to avoid the appearing of ignorant.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your back yard, Tell the neighbors you are a spider person.
26. Finish all of your sentences with, "In accordance to the prophesy."
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:28 pm
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. don't put any inflection on the end of your sentences, creating awkward silences and leaving the impression you may be about to say more at any second.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble a pen and accidentally flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play by play acount of a persons every action in a nasal, Howard Cosell type of voice.
32. Holler radom numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tont on your TV so that people are green and insist to other that you like it that way.
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1 800 operaters on dates.
37. produce a rental tape consisting of only Fbi Copyright warnings.
38. sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples back packs.
39. Hide Dairy products in Inaccesable places.
40. Copy the surprise ending to a novel on it's first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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