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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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 Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:13 pm
If you have any good ones that I haven't gotten yet feel free to post along with me...
This is one of my favorites
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s**t from anybody
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:14 pm
-Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.-
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.-
-Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.-
-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.-
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.-
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. -
-If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.-
-Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.-
-Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.-
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:16 pm
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.-
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.-
-Chuck Norris can beat the Sun in a staring contest.-
-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.-
-There is no such thing as a lesbian, there are just girls who have never met Chuck Norris.-
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f@3$ down.-
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.-
-Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.-
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.-
-There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.-
-Chuck Norris once had a heart attack, his heart lost.-
-When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.-
-If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.-
-When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.-
-Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.-
-When you open a can of whoop-a**, Chuck Norris jumps out.-
-Chuck Norris once had sex in a trailer and a little bit of sperm got in the gas tank, we now know this trailer as Optimus Prime-
-Texas does not have a police force. They have Chuck Norris-
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:18 pm
-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.-
-Chuck Norris's p***s is so big that it has a p***s of its own and it is still bigger than yours.-
-Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. -
-You are what you eat. Chuck Norris eats steel.-
-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.-
-What is the quickest way to mans heart? Chuck Norris's fist.-
-God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.-
-There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.-
-God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said "Say please".-
-If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his @$$ kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.-
-Bullets dodge Chuck Norris-
-Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.-
-Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.-
-Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.-
-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open-
-Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer-
-Chuck Norris can split an atom. With his bare hands.-
-Chuck Norris let the dogs out.-
-Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.-
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:23 pm
-Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.-
-Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.-
-Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.-
-What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.-
-Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.-
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.-
-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.-
-Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.-
-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.-
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.-
-Chuck Norris once ate 4 turtles whole. When he crapped them out, they all knew karate, and they are now known as The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.-
-Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.-
-Chuck Norris does not have a religion. The gods worship Chuck Norris. -
-When Chuck Norris goes hunting he shoots himself in the leg to give the bear a head start.-
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.-
-Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.-
-The only thing better than Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris on TV, talking about Chuck Norris.-
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.-
-Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.-
-Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.-
-When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.-
-Chuck Norris once went back in time to fight Chuck Norris. He won.-
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.-
-What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.-
-When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.-
-Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."-
-Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes dead people.-
-There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.-
-The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.-
-Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.-
-The adjective "perfect" originated when Chuck Norris gave his p***s a nickname.-
-The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.-
-Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack-
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:30 pm
Ha! These really made my day! How's this one:
-Who needs the CIA? We have Chuck Norris with a beebee gun-
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:03 pm
-Texas does not have a police force. They have Chuck Norris-
To bad he didn't get ride of all the stupid cops. Thats one reason I don't live in Texas.
And yet he still got his arse whopt by Bruce Lee!!!!
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:48 am
True he did get whopped by Bruce Lee, but who could beat Bruce, No one! hehehe, I'm glad others enjoy the chuck jokes, now I'm gonna have to go find more.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:17 pm
Have fun on your quest!
Wow. I've just noticed that I've been posting. A LOT. I'll have to lay off for awhile. So if I go silent, know you know why.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:57 am
A while back we found these folders at walmart with pitures of Chuck and Chuck Jokes on them. I just found them in a pile of junk on my table so here's some more jokes.
-Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is.-
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and can make him drink.-
-Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.-
-Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chain saw.-
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 6:48 am
The Chuch Norris sun staring contest one is a repeat. Just to let you know.
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:13 pm
Whoopsie, thanks I edited it. Darn I thought I had already pulled out the folder thingies with repeats. sweatdrop
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:26 pm
lol keep this up these are amazing
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:45 pm
-There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.-
-Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.-
-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.-
-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.-
-When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.-
-Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.-
-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.-
-Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.-
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Crew
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Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:48 am
-Once chuck norris pissed on a lizard. That lizard is now what we call godzilla.-
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