Welcome to Gaia! ::

The League Of Extraordinary Morons: Closed, dont reopen gneo

Back to Guilds

This guild has moved to a new guild. 

Tags: TLOEM, Morons, Gneo, Shaff, Internet 

Reply Literate Idiots and Tone Deaf A**holes
No title as of yet

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Ser Martyr

Super Streaker

9,300 Points
  • Big Tipper 100
  • Jack-pot 100
  • Super Tipsy 200
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:01 am


Untitled





Emily, my queen, my friend, my beloved

How can a mere man like myself

Write their love of a Goddess

You, my undying soulmate

Are Aphrodite incarnate

Never have I loved such a woman

Never have mine eyes been graced by such undying beauty

Never again will I meet a more intelligent woman as you



Oh how we are so far apart

and yet I feel the unbridled fire of my heart

reaching out to touch that ever constant

bright and pure light of yoru heart

How much can a man

truly say about a godess

My fair Aphrodite

and yet it should cometh out

as it was yearned to



The only words that could ever bear

the weight of what I long to say

are the words

'I love you'

Yet they still dont grace my lips like they should feel

no mortal words could express my love



But what I do know

Emily, my personal Aphrodite

My heart beats eternally

time immemorial for you
PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:20 am


Quote:
The only words that could ever bear

the weight of what I long to say

are the words

'I love you'


That part seems uncomfortably short... The rest of the poem has some extended verses, but this one is just BAM I love you

It's good otherwise though ninja

Tribor

Cluttered Lunatic


Ser Martyr

Super Streaker

9,300 Points
  • Big Tipper 100
  • Jack-pot 100
  • Super Tipsy 200
PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:30 am


Tribor
Quote:
The only words that could ever bear

the weight of what I long to say

are the words

'I love you'


That part seems uncomfortably short... The rest of the poem has some extended verses, but this one is just BAM I love you

It's good otherwise though ninja
Well I'm TRYING to convey how no matter how many five dollar words I can use or simple words, there really are no real words in any language that could convey my feelings for her, but in the end, if even complicated words wont do, why not use three simple words in the end?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:35 am


Martyr_of_Death
Tribor
Quote:
The only words that could ever bear

the weight of what I long to say

are the words

'I love you'


That part seems uncomfortably short... The rest of the poem has some extended verses, but this one is just BAM I love you

It's good otherwise though ninja
Well I'm TRYING to convey how no matter how many five dollar words I can use or simple words, there really are no real words in any language that could convey my feelings for her, but in the end, if even complicated words wont do, why not use three simple words in the end?

What you just said now should totally go in the poem.

Tribor

Cluttered Lunatic


Wain Scoting

Perfect Member

17,050 Points
  • Sausage Fest 200
  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Object of Affection 150
PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:36 am



Those words hold a lot of weight. Just a few other things. One is a minor change: yoru-->your. Another is minor as well, goddess. Just some spelling and grammar.

Also, in poetry, people use O! more than Oh. But that needs an exclamation point after it, which would require heavy revisions of punctuation.

After I get over the few minor changes, it's a beautiful poem. For some reason, Emily is a name that means a lot to me. I don't know anyone named Emily personally, but it holds significance. It's a beautiful name. You'd make a great poet with your rhythm.
Reply
Literate Idiots and Tone Deaf A**holes

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//