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 Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 10:55 am
Michael has to go... in 12 hours now, this plane will fly out. And then our deployment begins. I feel so alone right now. There is so much going on in my personal life. So much I haven't spoken of here. And I feel so utterly alone. I just want my boyfriend. I want Michael. I have only been home for a day, and I miss him so bad. I feel like I'm breaking.
First off, I need to move out of this house. s**t has happened with my parents... and... you know. I just need to get out. According to plans we've made, Michael will move in with me, when he comes home.
Second, I need a vehicle. I really have no clue where that will come from. Or how that will happen. Or anything. I made a little mention to Michael of it... I kind of half wanted him to offer to help with the vehicle... since we will get married eventually. BUT, we aren't married yet... and, he didn't offer. So... pft. That was selfish of me. However, I also know, Michael doesn't have any money saved up, either. So. That could play a part in it, too.
He was kind of online... then he quit talking. He didn't saying for an hour. Then he just signed off line. He didn't say bye, or anything.
Then I napped. And I had a dream, that when he got home from his tour, he didn't want me anymore.
God. I am such a mess. I feel so alone right now. So, so alone.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 3:34 pm
It sucks, hardcore.
It does get better though, it takes a bit, but it does get easier, at least emotionally.
It's not that you get used to him being gone, you aren't loving him less, but you can only be so sad for so long, eventually you have to adjust to it. But for now it's going to feel a bit like mourning, at least it did for me.
As for the not talking for an hour then signing off, that has happened to us before, my husband got called away, didn't get a chance to say bye and forgot to log off for some unknown reason. It was the next person to use the computer that told me what had happened.
There will be times that you don't hear from him for several days, I think the longest I have gone was two weeks, that is just how deployment is.
It does get better.
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 8:58 pm
I dread the day that Chris has to leave.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 9:14 am
-hugs- sad Awww...I hope he gets a chance to talk to you soon. He probably got pulled away from the computer. (My bf was online last night when I was away and when I came back he vanished. Turns out...the fire alarm went out. Someone burned a hot pocket. XD)
Things will get better when he gets back, you have to hold onto that feeling because it will. It really sounds like it sucks though...I never had to experience it yet so I don't have much advice, just that it will get better, just keep on holding on. =]
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