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So here's a story I wrote a while ago. I'm thinking about submitting it to a literary journal and wanted to see what some other people thought about it first. Comments and constructive criticism always welcome.

~*~

Today is the day. Today is the day I have been waiting for since I met Bellerophon. Today is the day he is going to let me ride his winged steed, Pegasus.

I wait on a hill a little ways from my father’s palace. I’m not sure whether I am really looking forward to flying with Bellerophon or not. After all, if men were meant to fly, wouldn’t the gods have given us wings like the birds?

But I have no more time to think about it, for I see Bellerophon riding my way. He’s astride a magnificent looking white horse. As they get closer I see that this horse is no ordinary horse, but a one with wings folded against its sides, like a bird.

“Philonoë!” he calls, beaming.

In a moment he is beside me.

“Philonoë, are you ready?” I nod. “Then give me your hand. You will ride behind me. You will have to ride astride though.”

I stop. Looking up, I whisper, aghast, “Astride?”

“I know. It’s unheard of, but you must, or you will fall off,” Bellerophon tells me gently, “Besides, we’ll be so high that no one will see. I promise.”

Leaning down Bellerophon grasps my hand and carefully pulls me up behind him. I slip my leg over Pegasus’s back. The feeling of the horse’s warm body and firm muscles under me feels strange.

I quickly slide my arms around Bellerophon’s waist, holding on tightly. Bellerophon laughs a little, then turns Pegasus and starts him into a brisk gallop. Surprised by the speed, I grip Bellerophon harder.

“Don’t worry,” He calls back to me, patting my hands around his waist.

“We’re going to go up now,” he tells me. I give his waist a squeeze in acknowledgment.

Now Pegasus extends his wings. The stretch far out to either side of me, feathered and silvery white. I think they are beautiful. Then they begin to ply the air. I thought we were going as we can, but, amazingly, Pegasus gains speed. Going this fast, the wind begins to sting my eyes, causing me to cry. I close my eyes, unable to bear it.

As I sit there, clutching Bellerophon with my eyes closed, I feel Pegasus gather himself under me. Then he springs up. Now I can’t feel him pounding the ground with his hooves. I hear only wind whipping by my ears. I feel only his wings beating the air.

Taking a quick breath, I open my eyes. I can hardly believe what I see. Far, far below me is my father’s lands. The people and animals are so small; they become mere dots on a vast green carpet.

“Amazing!” I exclaim.

“Isn’t it?” Bellerophon calls back, his smile evident in his voice.

Now I’m closing my eyes again, just feeling the wind fly past me. I sit behind Bellerophon, astride a winged horse, and revel in the glory and freedom of flying. And as we soar, I think, birds are truly blessed.

Agreed with the Fox on the piece's flow. Namely, I think the flow stumbles due to the first series of lines. Combining the last two or possibly rewording them might help to ease the reader into the piece moreso than what's there now.

Also, I think that some description and inner monologue concerning Philonoë's thoughts about Bellerophon himself might help to make the voice seem a bit more authentic. I realize the story is, at it's core, about the Pegasus, but as it stands now Bellerophon seems to be more of a stock character than someone with some actual dimension to him.

Your character voice is well on its way, though. I think that what you have here offers some good insight into Philonoë's character, but it can be fleshed out a bit more in some areas, as mentioned above.

I have to say that I find it odd that she rather readily jumped onto the Pegasus, it being something she has never done before. I would think she would be a bit more apprehensive at first, despite her excitement at the prospect. That could just be me, though.

Thanks for the helpful comments. I'm terrible at editing my own writing so it's wonderful to have other people tell me where I need to rework things. All very helpful. heart

Hope to see more soon.

Editing is a pretty rough process.