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 Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 8:02 pm
So...I'm a novice at Slam Poetry and I've written a few, and I just recently wrote a new one. I would love some feedback...does it make sense? Is the beat consistent? Did you like it at all? Thanks!
Lost
lost in this world
and I don't know what to do
looking for an answer
waitin' for a clue
grabbin' the arms
of someone that I knew
wading through the waters
finding what is true
true to my heart
and true to the pieces
true to my heart
not true to the Jesus
the Jesus that guides
all the people like cattle
the Jesus that cries
to the people during battle
the battle between
the religions of scandal
the battle between
all the can not and can do
try not to follow
the ways of before
break through and rip through
the times of yore
and remember that the fallen
had to find their way too
down into the darkness
find what is true
true to their heart
and true to the pieces
so they could finally find out
what really peace is
peace in your mind
and peace in your soul
I know you're not there yet
but that is the goal
so even if you find yourself
as a little girl
twirlin' in a swirl
and you're lost in this world
and you don't know what to do
looking for an answer
waiting for a clue
listen to your own heart
listen to the pieces
listen to your own heart
don't listen to Jesus
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 5:05 am
I like the "don't listen to Jesus" thing. Very bold/symbollic. The beat and rhyme scheme stays fluid and consistent through out, which is good.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 10:16 am
I love the beat to it it's very consiestant... like said before but you can't get tired of hearing that! ^_^ I love it, the way you slide from one thing to another like some of it is totally different from one another like the subject but you make it slide together smoothly and seamlesly I love it that people can do that ;3
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