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 Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 4:29 pm
Yesterday I fooled around with a friend of mine, and we both gave each other hickeys. I hide mine with makeup, and go home. Today I was leaving to go to another friend's house and my mom notices the hickey at the LAST MINUTE, which sets me off in a psychotic rampage of "I DON'T HAVE A HICKEY," screaming and crying on the floor. My parents, especially my mom, are hardcore devoted Christians, something I never was. Naturally I get in deep s**t for this.
And now, my mother tells me I can't go anywhere without my siblings (who never come with me), can't hang out with anyone, can't go to gigs or movies, can't date anyone, can't go to my favorite spots in the city. She says I'm not allowed to have a life until I'm 18, because I need to be "protected from myself" and I can't do it alone.
Naturally, me being with DPD, need to have people in my life. I love to have friends and people to hold on to when I'm sad (cause my family doesn't understand me) and people to help me make desicions. I LOVE to go out and party and get attention from people. I want to live a wild life, and I never will, not with my mother here.
Now I have less than a year and a half before I'm 18, but I'm afraid everyone I know will have forgotten about me by then, because I'm not allowed to hang out with them. My mom tells me that my friends are the reason I'm a "wild, sinful girl" and she would rather me have good quiet Christian friends - most of which bore me to tears and would rather talk about knitting than music or something else interesting.
Now I don't know what to do. I really think I won't make it without a good amount of social interaction. I need to be myself... not the Little House on the Prairie perfect little girl my mother wants me to be. She says that all of the stuff I'm doing will hurt me in the end, but I actually get gratification out of it. The perfect life, to me, IS partying, IS hanging out with alot of people, IS getting out everyday, IS fooling around with others. I am wild, I enjoy going over-the-top, not for attention but because it satisfies me. I do not regret fooling around with my friend (since he has always been a good friend), I do not regret the drugs, I do not regret my ex-boyfriend, I do not regret getting wasted. That is life to me. ******** the negativity that my parents bring into it based on their views of what a good teenage life should be. They don't ******** know me.
Words can't express how far I want to run away from here. My thoughts, once again, are drifting in and out of suicide. I carved the word "******** UP" onto my wrist using a needle, amongst other self injuries. I've tried to talk some sense into anybody, everybody, but no one has any sympathy for me. I don't know what to do anymore. The coming months are going to leave me dead on the inside. I feel alive from doing the things that others consider "rebelling." Without them, without my friends, and without social interaction, I am dead. I might as well not even exist.
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Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:36 pm
Unfortunately, parents have a good deal of power in the life of a minor -- and right up through college. If you can prove that she's socially isolating you, you can get emancipated. However, from what you say, you'd suffer just as much emancipated, because you wouldn't be allowed to have a wild life.
If you're under treatment and you feel your mother is hindering your treatment, you can possibly get your therapist to talk a little sense into her. However, fundamentalist Christians and sense mix like Scotch and coca cola -- terribly. If you're not currently in treatment but you feel you need it, that's another can of worms. Now, if ever I was accused of having hickeys, I'd say it was razor burn or some other form of irritation that can look a lot like a hickey. . . unless, or course, it actually was a hickey, in which case I'd just act like it was irritation.
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Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 11:51 pm
I tried every excuse there was to hide the hickey, but she wouldn't buy it. That's when I broke down. But I sort of have a plan now. If I can play it nice for the next few months, possibly until June or July, and act like the perfect little girl, I can easily gain their trust back. I've done it before.
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Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:43 pm
rabbiteenn I tried every excuse there was to hide the hickey, but she wouldn't buy it. That's when I broke down. But I sort of have a plan now. If I can play it nice for the next few months, possibly until June or July, and act like the perfect little girl, I can easily gain their trust back. I've done it before. I feel really bad for you. Your parents are being way too strict. The only thing that's logical (and legal) for me to advise is family therapy. Just being in that cycle of gaining back and losing their trust is pretty bad.
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