Okay, so lets clear things out of the way so you're not confused. Last year ['08] I went through a rough patch. It honestly wasn't...too bad. From the very end of March to the end of June, I was running away, constantly getting high, telling my parents on a daily basis how much I hated them and such. I had this boyfriend who was not, by any means, the nicest guy in the world but when my family tried helping me, I just told them to basically piss off. They had had enough and sent me off to Utah on June 17th, 2008. It was for my own good.
In Utah a lot of things happened. I got my first job, got over my teenaged angst, started learning how to drive (illegally), I shot my first gun, went to a lake for the first time (I'd only been to the ocean), and got so shitfaced I couldn't hardly remember the night before...multiple times, actually. Ha. :]
The restaurant I was working at was called Wingers. I started off as a hostess and I will [modestly] say people liked me...a lot. Customers were always happier when I was hostessing because the other hostesses were pissed off they didn't get to serve and I actually helped out the waitresses with taking drinks, refills, prebussing, and getting napkins and all of that - which kept customers happy. My managers liked me, the waitresses liked me, and the customers liked me; even if I was a little more odd than what their Mormon [majority] town was used to.
I picked up this one girls shift one night [I swear I was the only one who picked up shifts! It was so annoying.] and I'm super glad I did! It was getting towards the end of the night but I was still super bubbly and happy, maybe even a little hyper. Well, in walks this super cute guy [my Benjamin] and his stupid, douche bag, butt hole, ugly, dumb head friend Travis [hate that guy!]. I was refilling the popcorn machine [we served popcorn instead of chips] and not paying attention to the door. My manager kind of takes over and nudges me to the door so I go and I welcome them....
Sort of. Actually, I kind of went brain dead. Take that back. I did go brain dead! As soon as I got to the hostess booth and I actually looked at Ben this is exactly what I did, "...uh...I forgot. Um...hi." Then I giggled all embarrassed like and looked away. "I forgot what I'm supposed to say. s**t...."
Ben was just staring at me like I was crazy. Then he laughed at me!!!! I felt really dumb. Travis is just looking back and forth at us like we're idiots. Then Ben leans onto the hostess booth and looks at the seating chart. He pointed to a section and goes, "I wanna sit THERE."
I was [just a little] pissed that he had laughed at me and my brain fart so I told him no, got out two menus, and then a bowl of popcorn and told them to follow me, NOW. They did and I sat them down in my friend Shaylee's section [she was like my best friend in Utah! And a waitress.]
I told her she had two cute guys sitting at table 16 [or 17. Don't remember.] then I went off to finish with the popcorn machine.
After she got back from getting their drinks she's all, "Dude! I know those guys! I went to high school with Ben and I grew up with Travis." I wasn't really surprised because the town was really really small, so I was like, "Okay, which one is the cute one who laughed at me." and she told me his name was Ben Harper. Wtf? I was like, "nu-huh. That ain't Ben Harper." and she shrugged and said she knew his first name was Ben and his last name started with an H.
While we had talked, a line at the door happened. I finished seating everyone then I went over to Ben [this my most proudest moment! It's fking rad.] and I sat down by him and was all, "Hey."
And he goes, "Uh...hey."
And I said, "Shaylee says she knows you from high school. What if I told you I wanted to get to know you?"
He looked kind of shocked, looked at Travis who was all nodding his head super encouragingly, then looked back at me and kind of chuckled. "Well, I guess we'll have to arrange that."
I giggled [because I giggle all the time; I don't laugh!] and said right on then walked off to go do something else. Shaylee said she vouched for me the rest of the time they were there.
They walked out and I was kind of disappointed because that was a totally awesome line that I used up on him! And he was cute and I didn't get his number. Luckily, to my surprise, he came back inside with his phone and all nervously stuttering and everything asked if he could have my number. It was toooooo cute!!! Two days later, we had our first date. We went to dinner at Wingers [the town was so small and thats seriously like the only place that I liked to eat, besides Canton City Chinese, which was too far away.] and sat there and talked for like two hours, at least! We joked around and stuff. I totally stole his hat and then sat beside him and we were flirting and omg it was fun and cute and all. When we finally went outside, I learned that he had gotten his license taken for giving some underage kids a ride to Colorado [twenty minutes away] to get something and when he got pulled over, they had bud on them and he got blamed. Whatever. He called his friend to give us a ride to his house and we shared a couple of cigarettes while we waited. I even got my first kiss from him! ;D [which was totally amazing, by the way]
I'll admit that I was a little easy and totally got him to have sex with me on the first date. He was too nervous himself to initiate it. He kept trying to get my attention somewhere else but after a little bit he happily gave in. OMG when he whipped it out it was huge, like WTF IS THAT?!!! huge. Yeah. I was kind of scared of letting him in me with it. But I did and it was amazingggg. <3 It hurt a little at first, and the insides of my thighs were bruised because he's so skinny and had bony hips.
The next night I was working and there were some guys cleaning up for us and my manager goes, "Karlee! You better be ready, they're gonna expect a b*****b from you." I got all freaked out. I was texting Ben anyway and told him to by my pretend boyfriend just in case. He said no! Like wtf?! Then he goes, "I should be your real bf because I got money, a job, and a great sense of humor." I didn't reply because I was all...I don't know how to say it but I guess I was a little shy-slashed-embarrassed-slash-shocked. At the time I just really wanted a ******** buddy. So he sends me a lot of other texts. He was saying how beautiful my eyes are, they're like looking into two dark diamonds [or something like that. It was so cheesy I try not to remember it.] and he was saying how he had a great time with me, aside from the sex. Blah blah blah. I finally just said I would be his girlfriend so that he would stop being cheesy and SHUT UP!
Over the next couple of months, we were constantly together. Lots and lots and lots of sex. I was on Depo because I can't use condoms. After only a couple of minutes I feel really...raw feeling. Really sore. So I didn't worry about getting pregnant because I was still using birth control. 'Til the end of the month when my period wouldn't come. I figured it was just because of the Depo, but I took a test just in case and it came out positive! I freaked and called Ben, who was in SLC for the weekend. Not only had I just found out I was pregnant, but it was my first day at a new school in a new state and he was three hours away! I was totally freaked out. I cried and almost missed the bus. While I waited at the bus stop, I seriously smoked like three or four cigarettes in five minutes. Totally freaked. Ben just kept sending me texts saying it was going to be okay and he loved me.
[sarcasm]Thanks. That really helps[/sarcasm].
The day finally ended and within the next couple of weeks [I tried smoking and drinking more just to get unpregnant] morning sickness started. My grandma [I was living with my dad's parents, by the way.] took me to the doctor to see what was wrong. They said I had a virus, which made sense because my muscles were messing up too. Sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed!
The doctor did confirm I was pregnant, however, he told me that my blood iron was so low and because my muscles were so messed up that I was going to miscarry. Because he told me this, I continued smoking and drinking and doing whatever I wanted. The miscarriage came and went and I thought that was the end of it.
Nope. I got sent home in early October because I took my grandparents car without their permission while they were out of town when I didn't have a permit or a license.
It was nice to be back home, but I really really liked Utah. Seriously, if Utah had an ocean I would have stayed there. :] I'm a beach girl, though. Anyway! I found out I was pregnant on January 28th, 2009. My breasts had been leaking really bad and my mom had me take a pregnancy test just to rule out pregnancy. I knew I wasn't because I had miscarried already and gotten another Depo shot immediately afterward. Plus, I hadn't had sex since returning. When that test came out positive I nearly s**t myself. My first thought was that my mom rigged the test! Nope. We went to the clinic, got an ultrasound confirming it done, and then set up an appointment for my first prenatal appointment. I was going to get an abortion, but because I had no insurance it was going to cost six thousand dollars and I had to do it within four days. Not happening.
It took a couple of days for it to really sink in. I called Ben and told him i just found out I was still pregnant. He was really confused and I explained it to him, told him I was six months along, and I was going to give it up for adoption. His reaction was, "Why give it up? How could you do that?" He was obviously sad. Then he became supportive. It was only a couple of weeks when I decided I was going to keep it. He was really happy about that but also a little worried about how we were going to provide for it.
On the 13th of February (the day before my birthday!), I found out it was a boy. Me and Ben had two names picked out. One for a boy, Cory Benjamin Gaige, and one for a girl, Scarlett Nikole. Cory Benjamin Gaige it was! He was definitely a boy because he kept flashing us his junk!!!! Silly baby. On my birthday, Ben told me he wanted us to get married.
The last couple of months have been HELL. Me and Ben are constantly fighting because we're stressed about having money and I miss him a lot and I want him here but he wants me to move there so that he can still have friends around and stuff. It sucks. Not too long ago, we didn't talk for almost a whole week. When we finally did, he was drunk all weekend. He told me there was no way in hell we were going to work out and he didn't want us to. Obviously, I was totally hurt.
He sobered up and regretted what he said, but wouldn't apologize. He did tell me he loved me and always would no matter what. I avoided talking to him for another week almost and Sunday April 5th, we talked again. He finally said he was sorry for what he said and told me he was gonna love me forever even if no one else did because I was just some stupid pregnant teenager. I was a little insulted when he said it, but I thought about and its kind of true, right? What kind of a guy is gonna date a girl who is young and already has a kid by another guy, right? Its like being ruined already.
Right now I am in week 32 and I'm soooooo excited and scared. My baby shower is on the 25th of April. Friggin' stoked! I want the chocolate cake!! ;D I'm hoping I'm gonna get a lot of cute baby clothes, too. <333
