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Mistress Cupcakkes Captain
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 Posted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:03 pm
Being a Single Parent
When we think about having children, most of us picture a family with two parents. However, for many people, the reality is that they are the only parent. Although raising a child as a single parent can be challenging, it can also be rewarding. This article offers tips to help single parents raise healthy, happy kids—and stay sane.
Finding Help
You may be a single parent, but you are not alone. Look around you—your family and friends can help. Let them. If you don't have family members or friends nearby, look for a support group for single parents. You'll meet others who are in similar situations, share feelings and get advice.
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Balancing a Busy Life
The life of a single parent can be very busy. You may be juggling work, school and home in addition to parenting. It’s important to find a way to balance all of the parts of your life. Here are some tips:
Accept help. When friends and family offer their help, be sure to take it! This can mean having someone play with your child while you run errands, or having someone to call when you need to talk.
Take advantage of local resources. Many communities offer play groups, after-school activities and parenting classes. These can give you and your child a chance to have fun, learn and make new friends. You can ask a nurse or social worker in the hospital for some recommendations.
If you don’t get enough time with your child, look for creative solutions. Ask if your job lets you work flexible hours, for example.
Don’t forget fun. Take a break from your busy routine to plan something special for you and your child. Take a trip to the zoo or go to a movie.
Make time for yourself. You need a chance to relax once in a while, too! It can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to look at a magazine when your child is in bed.
Providing Role Models
Children benefit from good role models—adults who set an example of how to behave—of both sexes. So look for family or friends of the opposite sex to be role models for your child. Invite a positive and responsible family member or friend to spend time with your child. If you don't have a family member or friend available, groups like Big Brothers Big Sisters can help. Check your phone book for programs in your area.
If It's Too Much …
Parenting is hard work. All parents have times when they get angry or frustrated. But don't take out your feelings on your child. If you are worried that you might hurt your child, get help right away. Call the Childhelp USA 24-hour hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
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Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 12:10 am
Show Your Love
It is important to show your children that you love them every day. One of the things you can do to show (and tell) your kids that you love them is to hide a note in their book bag or in their homework folder for them to find when they get to school. This happy surprise is especially nice if one of them is having difficulties in a subject and a note saying "You are doing a great job." or "I know you can do it" will provide much needed encouragement.
Closing Doors
You are not ready for a new relationship until you have firmly closed the doors on past relationships. If you have hopes that one of your past relationships will return to you, others will detect it. No one is interested in someone who is unavailable or only partially available. Close the door on all past relationships if you want to move forward.
Reading to Your Child
It is never too early to start reading to your child. You can start as soon as your child is born or even before. Even though your child may not grasp the meaning of what they hear, they learn to identify the rhythm and tone of their parent's voice. Nursery rhymes and songs are especially good reading materials for infants.
Reading Time Ritual
Scheduling a regular quiet time to read to your child after dinner or before bedtime helps both child and parent relax and enjoy each other's company. This reading habit creates an intimate and still moment for parent and child to share and provides a good opportunity for bonding.
The Other Parent
-Understand the other parent's legal and financial responsibilities. Have the legal aspects sorted out as soon as possible. Talk to a lawyer—if the baby's other parent is living, he or she holds financial responsibility too.
-Clarify custody and visitation. Keeping it casual is fine—for as long as you both agree. It's better to have your roles clearly defined LEGALLY for your own protection. The day may come when your baby's other parent may decide to move to Alaska—and take the baby along. Clearly, you need to know this cannot happen.
-Clarify your specific needs for support, and ASK FOR HELP! Whether you're a single parent from the beginning, because of divorce, or because of the death of your spouse, you will need help from other people. Even if you decided to have the baby when everybody advised you not to... STILL ask for help. Start with your own personal resource network. Who's in this network? Just about everybody you know. Your brother, your sister, your next door neighbor. Be specific about what you need. You don't want an ear for your whining, you want somebody to take the baby for an hour between two and three on Saturday afternoon so you get a)a nap, b)a shower, c)a massage and a manicure (yes, you deserve it, even if you ARE broke!). Rely on the kindness of childless adult friends who desperately want a little kid-action in their lives without (or before) doing it full time.
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Mistress Cupcakkes Captain
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 4:35 am
I'm a single parent myself, thanks for the posts they are helpful especially to the new mommies. Yes it is hard but I have people to help me. And my son doesn't see or know his father, because his father doesn't want anything to do with my son.
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 1:30 pm
♫ я ą ɨ ɳ ß ø ฬ. §ąʏs ♫
my older sister is a single parent.
she is trying to get the father to be a part of their son's life.
(even though he's not even on the birth certificate)
they made it very clear to eachother that they don't want to get back together, and i really hope it stays that way.
he's a deadbeat who bought cigarettes instead of things for his son, and is a registered sex offender.
in my eyes, i don't think she should even allow him to be around and just get him for child support.
she can get in a lot of trouble for letting her son be around a sex offener who may be the father, but isn't on the birth certificate.
after my baby's born, i really don't want him around at all. i'm not risking my child in any way even though i have known the guy.
but when you're 21 and go after a 15-year-old, you never know how young a person will go.
i've heard horrible things about grown men like that go as low as infants.
it's disgusting.
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Mistress Cupcakkes Captain
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 1:46 pm
I am a single father. And the hardest part for me is going to be explaning why He doesnt have a mommy. When he is old enough to understand. He is only fifteen months now...
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:16 pm
♫ я ą ɨ ɳ ß ø ฬ. §ąʏs ♫
that's always going to be the toughest part a a single parent, and it seems to always be heart-breaking.
my older sister's going to have to eventually explain to her son how his father is a deadbeat sex-offender who bought himself cigarettes instead of buying him a little toy or diapers.
it's a really tough thing to have to even just think about.
and when that time comes, a lot of people tend to not be prepared as to exactly what they're going to say.
for me, i've always liked getting thourough explanations about things.
and it'll definately be good to have it planned out before you talk to him about it and especially have it prepared beforehand just in case he asks you about it before you work up the nerve to explain it.
explain the reasons why she's not around and how those reasons came about and why things just didn't work right.
single parenting does happen a lot, and sometimes it just turns into the child having a step-parent.
my mom and dad had been divorced for years, but stayed together for me and my 5 other siblings. my mom was miserable until the point where she finally worked up the nerve to leave and go find someone who she could be happy with (but of course made sure us kids liked the guy too).
sometimes things just don't work out and you gotta let your partner go otherwise they'll just be miserable, and that's not good for anyone.
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Mistress Cupcakkes Captain
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:24 pm
My mom was a single parent for parts of my life. She was amazing when it was just her. But I think she was really lonely a lot of the time, because on more than one occasion, she ended up in a bad relationship. I know it must've been hard for her, but she never seemed to show it in front of my sisters, my brother and I.
She's on her third marriage now, and I actually think this one is the best one. I'm not fond of my step-dad, but she's finally happy. And she really deserves it.
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:27 pm
Rainbow Starr Love ♫ я ą ɨ ɳ ß ø ฬ. §ąʏs ♫
that's always going to be the toughest part a a single parent, and it seems to always be heart-breaking.
my older sister's going to have to eventually explain to her son how his father is a deadbeat sex-offender who bought himself cigarettes instead of buying him a little toy or diapers.
it's a really tough thing to have to even just think about.
and when that time comes, a lot of people tend to not be prepared as to exactly what they're going to say.
for me, i've always liked getting thourough explanations about things.
and it'll definately be good to have it planned out before you talk to him about it and especially have it prepared beforehand just in case he asks you about it before you work up the nerve to explain it.
explain the reasons why she's not around and how those reasons came about and why things just didn't work right.
single parenting does happen a lot, and sometimes it just turns into the child having a step-parent.
my mom and dad had been divorced for years, but stayed together for me and my 5 other siblings. my mom was miserable until the point where she finally worked up the nerve to leave and go find someone who she could be happy with (but of course made sure us kids liked the guy too).
sometimes things just don't work out and you gotta let your partner go otherwise they'll just be miserable, and that's not good for anyone.
Unfortunately, Seth's got it even harder, as his son's mother passed away due to complications of childbirth, iirc.
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Mistress Cupcakkes Captain
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:10 pm
♫ я ą ɨ ɳ ß ø ฬ. §ąʏs ♫
i see...
yeah, that is definately a much harder thing to explain.
i mean, it's one thing to explain why the other parent isn't around.
but if they want, they can always search for their other parent...
but in that situation, it's impossible.
i wouldn't know how to handle a situation like that.
i've only ever had one person i cared for in my life die and i don't even really remember much about her other than she called me "miss piggy" all the time teasingly and then when i'd try to go run off to be all upset, she would pull me back and hug me and not let me run away.
she died when i was 9, and i was depressed from then up until just this last year.
when it comes to death, i think there's not too much you can do but try to give the child as much love as you can and try t explain that she's in a better place and that everything will be okay.
situations of death tend to have to be dealt with differently for each person depending on that person that it's being explained to.
in my case, it was my cousin who was about 10 years older than me. and i ended up shutting down and in a bout of depression for about the past 9-10 years of my life since then.
sometimes it takes a while for a person to understand and accept what happened. all you can really try to do in that situation is offer support and love. but of course there's a chance it might not be accepted. i didn't accept it from anyone. i refused to be touched in any way, and grew my bangs out to cover my eyes and isolated myself from family and anyone else who would try to come in contact with me.
but since i've been with my boyfriend, i've been a lot better and not depressed at all. he talks to me, comforts me when i need it, and does everything he can to make sure i'm okay.
he's the only person i've felt comfortable enough with to allow to hold hands with me, cuddle with me, and hug me and i'll actually hug him back.
with anyone else, i still have issues with hugging because of how my cousin used to hug me. so when a friend or anyone hugs me, i pretty much just let my arms hang, or i'll try to bring my arms around them but not physically touching (like an air hug).
sure it can come off as being rude to some people, but i do try. i can't and won't just change for anyone like that if i'm not going to feel comfortable. actually, it kind of makes me feel queezy when anyone but my boyfriend tries to hug me.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:34 pm
shawchert I'm a single parent myself, thanks for the posts they are helpful especially to the new mommies. Yes it is hard but I have people to help me. And my son doesn't see or know his father, because his father doesn't want anything to do with my son. Dido with my baby girl.
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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:30 am
Oh yes.
Raising a child on your own is hard.
And I'm so glad that in the TC, it mentioned getting help.
My mother helps me with my daughter, and I think if it weren't for her... I don't know how we would've made it.
As dumb as this may sound,
I had always been under the impression that raising a child means you have to be able to support yourself AND the child with your own income and savings.
Now that I have my own child, I realized that of course it doesn't work that way.
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