The Puppy Who Lost His Way (Complete)

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

HEY! Don't read this unless you have an extravagent sense of humor, if you dont have one and read it you'll go "WTF? this is stupid..."




Once there was a puppy who got lost in the bad part of town. He waited

and waited for the Hammerman to show up, but he never did. The puppy

began to look for food, and he found an abandoned garage baby. He

decided that from now on, he would feed on the souls of abandoned

garage babies. After doing this for several years, he had become a big

and strong dog. He decided to travel across the United States looking for

the Hammerman. He found his way to Louisiana and managed to get lost

in a swamp. He searched for hours for a way out but there was no

escape, just then a giant crocodile flew up out of the water and swallowed

the dog whole. The crocodile decided to do some late night shopping and

walked to Wal Mart. The crocodile entered the toy section and while he

wasnt looking, the dog made a run for it and managed to escape from the

bowels of the crocodile. The dog stayed with the toys for a while and got

to know each and every one of them. One day a big flock of birds flew

into Wal Mart and grabbed the dog by his back. They carried him all the

way to the TV section and they all nested in the biggest TV of all. There

the dog lived for the rest of his days.  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 2: Doctor Foster

5 days before the dog died he layed eggs, how or why is still now known.

The eggs hatched 10 years later, and this is the origin of the infamous

dogbirds. One day Doctor Foster went to the TV section of Wal Mart and

stuck his hand under one of the TV's while trying to find a Hollow-Skulled

Hectopascal. The Dogbirds saw their chance and quickly devoured his

hand. Doctor Foster, being the Bug-Eyed Ribogu he always was, ran to

the clothing section and replaced his missing hand with a hanger fashioned

into a big hook. In order to get closer than ever to the true story of the

Dogbirds, Doctor Foster became a dentist. One of his patients, who

happened to be a witch doctor, enchanted Doctor Fosters hook hand so

that he could use it to do battle with the Dogbirds. Doctor Foster grimly

looked at where his hand used to be, and swore revenge on the Dogbirds.  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 3: Crocodile + Bird = Unpleasant

On the night of December 25th, Doctor Foster emerged from his Macaroni

fortress located deep within the Himalayas. He traveled all the way to Wal

Mart with a thirst for revenge. He locked all the doors in the store, this

would be a fight to the death between him and the dogbirds. He used a

sack of potatoes as bait and waited until midnight for the Dogbirds emerge

from hiding. Just as they swarmed the bag of potatoes, Doctor Foster

lunged out of the shadows and the battle began! The battle was so epic

and awesome that I will not describe it to you. The battle lasted all night,

and when the sun came up, many Dogbirds lay dead on the floor, and

Doctor Foster suffered some serious contusions to his solar plexus. As he

was limping through the VCR section, he accidentally bumped into one of

them and it fell to the floor and shattered to pieces. To Doctor Fosters

surprise, there were eggs in it. He did not have the strength to destroy

them, so he just stumbled out of Wal Mart so he could go home and listen

to some B. B. King tunes. 13 years later the eggs hatched, and the world

was introduced to a whole new set of problems... the Crocbirds!  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 4: The Epic Continues

Lester Fiend was a simple laboratory worker. He and his team of almost-

scientists were trying to find a way to make "awesome" into a type of

beverage. One day he had a breakthrough, he had finally found the

formula to make the awesome drink! He ran into the testing area and

changed some chemical balances, but a shifty midget ran into the lab and

pressed the button to start the testing procedure! Lester was locked in

the very dangerous testing area! Soon the entire room was filled with

smoke and Lesters team anxiously waited outside for the process to

finish.

The smoke cleared and it became apparent that Lester was entirely

unaffected by the test, he gave an enthusiastic thumbs-up to his friends,

and that's when it happened.. A Nuclear Sloth did a triple sowcow out of a

vat of toxic sludge that lester was standing next to, it brushed up against

his thumb, it hit the ground and imploded. After getting out of the room,

lester exdamined his thumb, it had turned a sickly brownish color and

didnt smell too good either. He could no longer move his thumb, and it

was completely useless. Until one day he found out that it wasnt quite so

useless after all. Lester had gone on a trip to the zoo, and reached down

to pet a crocodile, his thumb touched the crocodile and the crocodile

became VERY uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, in fact, that it exploded.

Lester then knew what he had to do, he had to rid the world of all the

Crocbirds! He became a force to be reckoned with in the world of the

Crocbirds, he cleared entire cities of the Crocbirds, he was so efficient at

his new job that he had eventually wiped out all the crocbirds on the

planet except for one, the queen! Lester knew that the queen would be in

madagascar because thats where all the other crazy stuff is. He was

almost at the end of a cave and about to enter the remote jungle, but the

shifty midget wasnt through with his mischief yet, he had rigged the cave

with explosives! He detonated them and there was a cave-in. Lester's pet

volleyball named Hedgar barely managed to escape and he currently rolls

across the U.S. speaking at pep rallies.  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 5: The Wal-Mart Pact

One year after the disappearance of Lester Fiend, the crocbirds had

invaded Wal-Mart again and all seemed lost. Doctor Foster had been

studying the dogbirds for several months but had found nothing

important. But one day while he was eating a ham sandwich, a drip of

mustard fell out of the sandwich and landed on a sheet of paper, the

paper exploded and vaporized Doctor Fosters eyebrows, then he realized

what the dogbirds weakness was: Peanut Butter! He took the ham

sandwich to the lab for further testing. Meanwhile, in madagascar, Lester

had been trapped in the cave the entire time, and he was forced to eat

cave-dwelling creatures to keep from starving, and he eventually went

insane. He began to punch a spot on the cave wall for no reason, and

after three years of doing this, he had managed to punch a hole that was

big enough for him to escape. He stepped out of the cave and shielded

his eyes from the bright light, after he got used to being outside, he

suplexed a rhino into a tar pit and decided to pay Doctor Foster a visit. He

found his way to the macaroni fortress and he quietly walked inside.

Doctor Foster punted a squirrel into an interdimensional rift and got up to

meet Lester at the door. After battling away a large group of teenage

anime fans, they sat down in the kitchen and talked about current events.

After talking for a while, they decided that the only person that could help

them get rid of the dogbirds and crocbirds was the Hammerman himself.

B ack at Wal-Mart, things were about to get a whole lot worse, because in

the housewares department, a whole new set of eggs was getting ready to

hatch.  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 6: The Return of the Hammerman

Doctor Foster and Lester Fiend had hijacked a backwards asteroid and

traveled all the way to the nebulon galaxy to see the Hammerman. They

went into his tuna trailer and asked for his help. He agreed to help under the

condition that they didn't tell anybody where his "Gravy Pad" was. They got

on the asteroid and went back to earth. They prepared for the final battle.

They all went to Wal-Mart on christmas eve, and locked all the doors. This

battle would surely decide the fate of the universe!  

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

Part 7: Death In Fire

They arrived in the TV section, ready to defeat the dogbirds and crocbirds

once and for all. They searched and searched, but found no signs of

them. All they found was a crudely scribbled note addressed to

whomever it may concern.

The note reads:
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Hello. I'm sure that by now you've realized that we are no longer taking

residence in the TV section, in fact, we've left Wal-Mart for good in

preperation for our final attack, expect us. There are seven ancient signs

of the coming storm.



1. All electricity will shut off.


2. All radio signals will be disabled.


3. There will be a series of extreme earthquakes.


4. All the earth's rivers, lakes, and oceans will freeze.


5. All the planets in the solar system will align.


6. The sky will turn red.


7. Black clouds will completely devour the sky and the earth will be bathed

in darkness.





Then the slaughter will begin.





You have no chance to survive, make your time.


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The group silently reveled in what they had just read. They all went back

to the macaroni fortress and deliberated on what to do next. Eventually

they decided that they should just pretend it naver happened. They would

continue to let everybody live their simple lives, blissfully ignorant of what

had happened in Wal-Mart that day.


They took the secret to their graves, and kept no record of the events that

took place.


And so we wait. We wait for the arrival of the storm.


I have a feeling that it will happen soon..


Keep a weather eye on the horizon, the end is near.