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 Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 9:18 am
Ahem,please excuse the language..but................
WHAT THE ******** seems when things were just starting to look up a little (my writers block went away) they just go and get way the hell worse.For starters,and yea this is kinda little but anyway,the parental unit tells me (for the third time mind you) that I should see if my friends are going to Voltaires concert in Ithica,New York.I explained to her that none of my friend even knew who he was til I told them and what not.So I know for a fact that they don't know about the concert happening in april that I only found out about today.I asked her if she could take me but she said no cuz she doesn't wanna drive.She did the same thing when I asked about either Project Revolutions or K-rockathon.Then when I asked about Blue October a while ago, she stated that I couldn't go because,and I quote,"There's going to be drugs and stuff there." and she said she knew because she went to a concert when she was 16.That was quite a ******** while ago thank you very much.At most there would be cigarettes and alchohal there,both of which I've been around since I was born.So um yea,not a big deal.Buuuuut I didn't get to go.Anywho,the point is,I'm most definitley going to miss one of my favorite music artists/bands AGAIN and most likely not get the chance to see them again til I'm able to drive and have enough money to actually be able to drive out to wherever they're at,because no bands ever come to my part of new york.Anyway,moving on...I just so happened to relapse this morning which is great cuz you know,I was trying not to do that,and for those of you who don't know,I was addicted to drugs for two years.Specifically over the counter/prescribed.So yea,that was great....But yea,again,moving on,apparently I'm 'boyfriend material' k?But the kicker is,I'm not the kind of boyfriend people around my age or whatever want.That and apparently I'm too nice.Wow.Fantastic.So yea,apparently the odds of me actually having a girlfriend right now are slim to none,but when I'm in my late twenties early thirties,man will I be having to beat people off with a stick stressed Yea,no.I doubt I'll live that long.Oh right,my writers block came back.Which is nice because now I can't work on any of my stories or write any poetry.Yea...I've been single for near/over a year now (great right?) But people sure do use me.Just all the time.I don't see many of my friends that are near me,which aren't many,and most of my friends that I would be able to see often are way out of state -.-; which just kinda figures right?Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I have feelings for people that I'll either never be able to be with,or that live so damn far away that I don't wanna risk it because of the distance,cuz I have some trust issues when it comes to dating long distance(thanks to my last two relationships)there's that,and none of them (im 97% sure) don't see or like me in that way.Yea.
And the 'people' consist of five people.Three of which are in the same state as me,but two of them will NEVER see me in that way,or have feelings for me that go beyond that as a friend or best friend,the other one I don't know about yet.As for the two out of state,one is taken and such,and I doubt that even if she wasn't she'd never like me as more then a friend,annnnnnd the other is so much farther away that I doubt we'd be able to make it work.Especially if I'm gunna be all paranoid and s**t.
Yea.Bleh.The there's one girl,so I suppose six,but she's way a ways away.Out of country -grumble- and I'm pretty positive she doesn't like me and am doubtful she ever would.That and I doubt it would work considering how far away from each other we are and such,annnnd my singing voice has died somewhat,which saddens me all the more because I was actually able to take pride in it.It was one of the very few things I felt I had that was any good and now it's dead.Yea.I also had to fix myself up a little early because I cut to deep into my arms,so you know,that'll be fun to explain when the parental unit gets home and sees this bloody mess in the bathroom (not able to clean up because I'm exhausted)because,this is a shocker (yay sarcasm!!!) my nightmares have gotten distinctivley worse!WOOT!No.I've been getting almost no sleep at night so I wind up sleeping for about 5 hours during the day.Yea.I don't know.This has all just kinda piled up ontop of everything else.It really sucks.That and I think I may be developing an aversion to direct sunlight,not even kidding.
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:49 pm
Hot damn...
You don't sound too healthy, bub. D:
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 6:20 pm
I don't exactly feel it either.But I've always had issues with the sun,but it was more if I was in it for a few hours.But yea,my health has always been crappy xD annnnd my doctor has no clue why.
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Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 3:33 am
So what are you going to do now?
Clearly no one is in a better situation to help you than yourself.
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Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:25 pm
I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.I could always carry an umbrella around with me whilst in the sunlight providing shade for myself. As for my health,I don't know xD cuz I do exercise and eat properly so -shrug-
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Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 3:56 am
I'm sorry, allow me to clarify- I mean emotional health as well as physical when I use the term. From what I can tell right now your life has gone to shizz, and you've responded by using drugs and cutting. =/
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Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:57 am
Oh.Well to be honest I don't know.But the drugs and cutting were a one time thing considering I had stopped doing them a while ago and wanna try not to do them.I mean,from what I know of myself and what not,it'd probably help me to be in a healthy relationship for once,or something along those lines.But I'm not sure.
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Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:27 pm
What the hell is wrong with being a nice boyfriend? What? Do teenage girls nowadays all want assholes for their significant other? I'd totally have you, and beat down any other girls who'd dare to get near you. .... Yes, I'm the jealouse type.
And just think, when you finally move out the house, yo mama won't be able to tell you you can't go to a concert. She's one of those control freaks huh? I'm glad to hear your writers block is gone, and even more glad to hear you aren't cutting.
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 5:53 am
I honestly have no idea.And it would seem so.Well most teenage girls.And um really? o//o
As for my mother,she can be a control freak.But I beleive the main reason for the concert thing is my safety and such.I understand how she's feels about it because of how I was with my god children,whom I miss quite dearly.
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 10:09 pm
Why you blushing? Yes I would.
And as for your mother. It's a hazy line between protective and possesive.
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little_evil_goth Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:15 am
Sneak out to the concert. Don't even think about it just do it. You'll feel tonnes better.
Ok well obviously the girls in your area are more then a little demented. But don't stress about it. You'll fall into a healthy relationship before you know it. Unfortunately they're not the kinda things you can just have when you need them.
As someone who's been to prescription heaven ((and hell)) and also quit and then also taken it up again, then quite again etc all I can say is that if you've gotta do it be careful. It's just as hazardous as smack because of the way it affects your nervous system. And if you're health isn't great then they're the last things you should be doing because the damage will be ten fold. Last time I went on a bender I came out of it sick as ******** my immune system just gave up on me and I can't blame it. On top of that you don't want permanent stomach cramps for the rest of your life and odd chest pains. And I know with nightmares the temptation is even greater but try something like meditation.
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Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 6:57 am
Blushing because seriously,first person in over a year to actually seem mildly interested in me xD
Annnd I've tried meditation,I just wind up getting day terrors.
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little_evil_goth Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:50 am
... I didn't even know day terrors we possible without the aid of drugs or a natural paranoid pre-disposition. Ok clearly the key is keeping total conscious control.
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:33 am
Yea.
It'll be hard to do though cuz the second I leave the state of mind I've been in for quite a few years now,most everything I've felt/feel is gunna come over me in full force. =/ (it's happened once before,it was really really not fun)
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Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:30 am
I have day terrors all the time.... well not all the time but enough.
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