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 Posted: Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:56 am
Like it says in the title, my boyfriend is going to ask me to marry him... The story is this:
He's going to ask me in seven days, on our anniversary, it will be exactly six months then. Well, he said that he wants to buy me a ring and wants us to be engaged. But engagement is the promise to marriage, and I don't feel like marriage right now:
- He's 18 and I'm 24. The age is not an issue here, it's the fact that he didn't have a real and long relationship before. I'm the first girl that doesn't annoy him after a few weeks which is why he thinks I'm the right person for him. I always fear that he leaves me for another girl because she's younger/sexier/funnier because... well... that's what teeangers do, they can change their opinions quickly.
- Because of his age, he's uncertain about himself. He's very jealous and thinks that I'm jealous too. He does things in secret because he thinks that they would upset me, but the fact that he tells me bullshit is upsetting me more than his little secrets.
- We don't have the same social background. I don't really mind, it's just that he sometimes doesn't know what I'm talking about. I can't talk about foreign languages, litterature or philosophy with him. Not that I want to all the time... Also, he thinks that it's "cool" to be (or act like) you're stupid. It's hard to explain... In my country, we have three different schools. Depending on your will to study, you get sent to one or the other. Only with the highest one you can go to university. I went to the highest one, he went to the lowest one and thinks that all the cool kids come from there, that only geeks and nerds go to university and that his kids should be sent to the lowest one too... Which is something I cannot agree with.
- I want to move away in two years to a different country for another two years of study. This is very important to me. Everytime I come up with this plan he says things like "but you're not going to go there, are you? You're staying with me, right?" I never know what to answer...
Anyway.. the point is this:
He's not a jerk, and he's not stupid, and I have strong feelings for him. I just think it's too early to talk about marriage. I honestly think that he still has a lot of growing up to do before he should think about marriage and kids. A lot of the things that I don't like about him are related to his age. He's a very sweet guy, he learns a lot. He remembers everything I tell him and surprises me with little gifts or attentions.
Meh, I sound like a bitchy girlfriend who wants her guy to be perfect. I don't want to change him or anything, and I'm not perfect either. I'm too young for marriage too, it's all going too fast, with our futures being so uncertain and all... I just fear that if I tell him that I don't want this engagement, that he might take it the wrong way.
How can I tell him that I don't want to marry him so soon but that I love him very much?
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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:18 pm
I'll be honest i didn't read the whole thing. Well i really do think you should tell him you aren't ready for that kind of commitment just yet, that you want to wait but you really do love him.. I'm not exactly sure how.. i'm sure if you really think about it you can figure it out though.. sorry that i'm not much help. )=
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:01 pm
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.
You should just tell him. Make sure he knows you love him very much,
or however you feel, but tell him that it's too early. He should understand,
and if not, then you're right about the growing up thing. The way he takes
you telling him that it's too soon will reflect some things.
Just...make sure you're honest and straightforward.
Mischief managed.
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Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:44 am
be honest with how you feel with him. tell him exactly what's on your mind. if he still wants to propose to you, let him, but tell him you would like a long engagement.
personally, 6 months is not a long enough time for you to be together. in my opinion, you're right to think it's too soon. but you have to remember that he's young, and he doesn't understand that how he feels now might change.
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Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:47 pm
i would tell him just like u told us. and you can ge engaged for a long time too if you want to do it that way. me and my boyfriend have been engaged for about 6 months now and dont get married till july. and i know a few people who were engaged for about 4 years before getting married.
but if you chose to not do that then just say someting like, i love you but i am not ready for that. then ask if he is willing to wait a while before asking again.
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Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 6:52 pm
I agree with everyone else. You two should have a long talk.. heart to heart. You two still have some growing up to do before marriage takes place. If he loves you he'll wait until you're ready. Jealousy and lies are not a good thing in a relationship and he needs to know he can be honest with you no matter what. Tell him your true feelings about him and that you would like to be totally sure that the both of you want to be together forever before you get married instead of marrying now and divorcing later when one of you or both of you realize it was not the right thing to do. Take my advice, talk to him and be totally honest about how you feel. I married someone and was with him for 18 years hoping things would change but they didn't. I realized soon after I married him that he didn't care for me as I needed to be cared for. Now I've found someone that is totally what I need in life and we are totally honest, understanding and willing to wait until we are both ready. We know the love is there but time will only tell if we will be totally happy together without any obstacles in the future. Good luck!
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