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 Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 6:49 pm
She called me, and told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, because I hurt her too much apparently. I have wanted to stop being her friend for a very long time, but I wasn't going to just call her and say that it's 'over' because that would be stupid, I wouldn't want to hurt her like that.
I basically told her what was on my mind -- that I'm her only friend (or was), her 'best friend' because I'm the only one who has put up with her immaturity and selfishness for so long.
I sort of feel like a terrible person, but I don't know anyone who doesn't have my back on this one. But I still feel bad.
She acts like she wants to hide it and stuff.
She told her ex about it. I don't know who else she has told.
It just doesn't make sense to me. When I was going through a bunch of stuff, I didn't tell a single person.
I don't want her doing this. Obviously.
She's being a dumbass. After I took a bunch of Tylenol last November and found out I was depressed and stuff, she has had to see a counselor, which I thought was a good thing. And her doctor put her on anti-depressants, which she doesn't take. She talks about suicide, she says it is calming for her to think about it.
And now she's started cutting. Just shallow cuts, but still.
Her grandpa has leukemia. She found out tonight that it's spread to his lungs. Her grandma just had to go to the hospital, because she couldn't catch her breath. After my friend found out about her grandpa, she cut, and her mom walked in and saw her.
I told Tanysha before this that I hope her mom finds out, so I don't have to tell her.
She just told me that . . .her grandma is lying in the same hospital bed that I laid in when I went to the hospital after my tylenol od. It is a small town, small hospital, small emergency room. What a bad coincidence.
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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:17 pm
All you can do is let her know that you love and care about her... That you are hurt that she feels like she needs to cut, that you will always be there for her, etc. All you can really be is a good friend, someone she can come to to talk to, to cry on your shoulder (figuratively speaking since I know you moved), etc. She obviously needs someone... And the best you can do is try to be that someone.
Hopefully since her mom caught her she will get counciling or something. But really, you cannot make her stop. She has to decide to stop.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:05 pm
She's treating me like s**t now.
She's blaming me for making her sad because I oded on Tylenol.
She says she can't sleep because she always has nightmares about it.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:38 pm
When I try to make her feel better.
Or I tell her that is makes me sad that she is upset,
she says 'sorry'. But she means it in a sarcastic way.
How are is one supposed to deal with this?
All I am doing is trying to be as nice as possible, and not getting angry that she is treating me badly.
I know she is going through a rough time. And she deals with it in a very drama-causing way.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:43 pm
Hmmm sounds to me like she is making excuses to make you feel bad for it. I mean unless she is actually sincere about it. You know, she actually got scared of you over dosing on tylonol. Did you almost die?
Either way, your over dosing on tylonol isnt enough to make her have this bad of depression... it could be a factor... but it's not the cause. She is going through some pretty tough s**t in her life though, with her grandparents and such... But no matter what, cutting should not be a coping mechanism.
My new suggestion is tell a school councilor. You may not go to school with her anymore, but I'm sure if you looked you could find the counciling centers phone number for her school. Call and leave an anonymous tip that she is doing Self Injury and not taking her medication. She needs help. Calling doesnt make you bad or mean, it means you care enough to have her hate you for a couple weeks until she gets the help she needs.
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Posted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:19 pm
I called her last night after the lovely conversation I had with her on msn, and she was just really upset. She said those things on msn because she didn't have the guts to tell me in person.
She really does not get along with her mom either.
And she the 'popular' group at her school is always bugging her, and she says that when I went to the same school as her, she was able to deal with it better. Now that I'm not there, she take's it a lot harder, because I'm not there to make her feel better and make fun of them.
She did get really scared. She was with me the whole time, took me to the hospital and sat in the room while they were sticking a bunch of IVs in and stuff. It was really scary for her, she has nightmares about it. They were able to get it out of my system before it did damage to my liver, but it still wasn't a very nice thing to be there for.
I told her that she should tell her cousin, who is like a sister to her. She is in her twenties and lives in the same town not too far away. She says that she is too ashamed about it to tell her. I just told her not to be ashamed, everybody deals with sadness in different ways, and she needs to tell someone who can get help for her. An adult.
I threatened to tell her mom about it, but her mom found out. And apparently, her mom is too busy with her parents to pay attention to her daughter. She will know that it is me that called. I think it needs to be her that makes the decision to get help. I've been through the same thing, and I know that someone forcing you to get help doesn't work. You won't accept the help unless you want it.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 12:48 pm
Well that's good that you talked to her about it on the phone.
As for the popular group issues... Just tell her to ignore them and eventually they will get bored of picking on her. The more fun she makes it the longer it will go on.
I agree with you she should tell her cousin. I hope she decided to tell her cousin.
That's sad that her mom wont really do anything for her daughter... but at the same time I can totally understand it. Her parents seem to both be in major health issues, and her mom wants to spend the last few months of life with them... It's something that everyone does when they find out that the people they love are about to die.
And it's completely true that she will not accept the help unless she really wants it. I hope she wants the help, because she definitely needs help.
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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:13 pm
When your friend is cutting, you:
Do your research. There are lots of emergency services, free clinics and support groups out there. Even the uninsured can take advantage of them. You ought to learn all about them.
Share your research. Let your friend know of all these nice resources. Lead that horse to water and maybe, just maybe she'll drink. It's worth a shot.
Set boundaries. I've had people use me for a twenty-four hour suicide hotline. Don't let anyone do that to you. You have to eat and sleep and do your homework and practice your French horn and play video games sometime. You can't let anyone bring you down to the point where you can't do all that, especially once you give that person all those nice resources.
Best of luck.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:39 pm
Thanks for the advice. I've told her specifically where she could go for it, so she does know.
I've seen her cuts, and its really small, not deep. She compares it to smoking. Smoking is harmful to the body, and is used as a stress reliever.
I can hardly talk to her without her saying something about cutting. I guess friends complain to each other though.
She talks about suicide, self injury, and not eating, things I have gone through. She talks about how sometimes she feels too sick (she has mono) to get up and eat, so she doesn't. How the hell does she think that willl make me feel?
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:59 pm
Either she knows exactly how it will make you feel about it and she loathes herself for making you feel that way or else she has no clue. Either way, she can't help it. That's why you have to set some boundaries. You did everything you can for her at this point, so I can say in good authority that you're a good friend to her. Just don't be her doormat.
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:09 pm
Well, I thought I was being a good friend, but I guess not.
What happened recently is that I 'betrayed' her, apparently. I told these people that I am friends with that she called one of them a 'b***h'. And she got mad at me for telling them, even though it was already obvious that she wasn't going to make a good effort to be friends with this group.
The only reason she cares about them is because her current boyfriend is in this group of friends.
She doesn't like that they like me, and not her. And she thinks that I am dumb for not believing all the negative things she says about the 'b***h'.
A little background info on this 'group' . . . . both of my older sisters were good friends with the 'b***h' throughout high school. So yes, they are older, 17-20 years old. More immature and less willing to dealing with stupid teenage drama. I have known the 'b***h' for a long time, and she has never caused any drama, and they never had drama in high school. She isn't a terrible 'b***h' like she has been called by my now 'ex' friend.
The guy I am dating is in this group. The 'b***h' is his older sister. So she thinks I am only defended the 'b***h' for his sake, which is bull s**t.
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:10 pm
Oh, and her facebook status: is ******** betrayed. I don't have a best friend.. never did.
So here she is, telling the world. Obviously for attention. Am I right?
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:58 pm
Porcelain Lusus Naturae Oh, and her facebook status: is ******** betrayed. I don't have a best friend.. never did. So here she is, telling the world. Obviously for attention. Am I right? What's a facebook status for if not attention~? You need some slightly more sane friends.
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Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:03 pm
Dr. Awkward Porcelain Lusus Naturae Oh, and her facebook status: is ******** betrayed. I don't have a best friend.. never did. So here she is, telling the world. Obviously for attention. Am I right? What's a facebook status for if not attention~? You need some slightly more sane friends. Maybe. I feel everything she does is a cry out for attention. I'm getting a lot of negative energy from old friends/aquaintences now. Which is hard for me to deal with for some reason. I shouldn't care, I moved away from that town, I should be detattached. I wish people would just bud out. They only know her side of the story, and I don't feel like I need to tell them mine just so they can place their judgement.
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