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 Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:39 pm
[ Well, I've got a couple, and I'm always writing more... but for the moment, I'm only going to post one. I think I may post a poem every two weeks, but that remains to be seen.
All my works are copyrighted.
If they are not federally copyrighted, then they are at least poor-man copyrighted. Feel free to ask me the difference between the two, but do not use my poetic works without my express permission. Violators can -- and will -- be prosecuted (although I'm sure Valiant Desolation will most likely get ahold of them before I do).
Noah Vale is my pen name, by the way; my pseudonym. Read and enjoy! Feel free to comment. ]
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:54 pm
Bereft
ⓒ2007 by Noah Vale
My heart cries out in pain and bereavement of those I once knew
Those I once loved
They change with the passing sands of time
Forget me
Forget they loved me
The words of love come to their lips
But no longer to their hearts
Nay, they are far too caught up
In that which would bring them the most pleasure.
For that is their purpose, their goal: more pleasure
And in their pursuit of this, they lose sight of me
Brush me aside as one would forget an old toy
And you wonder why I feel aged...
Because the world changes, the hourglass turns
And I am left holding the rags of what once was the present
I cry
Truly, I cry, and yet
You do not see this, for I have hidden it away
And e'en if you had seen it, would you only be concerned for the sake of appearance?
Those that I love, those that have changed
Those that I have lost to the turning of the hourglass
I cry out to you
I call for you to return to me, to remember me
And though you may never, I still...
...want you back.
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Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 5:36 pm
very nice and as of late 2008 everything you write is considered copyrighted i believe nonetheless very nice poem
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Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:39 am
[ Thank you kindly, m'dear! I've been waiting for criticism I don't often get lol, so it's nice to see the occasional comment on my work. As for my poems, I haven't been able to post one in the last weeks, so below is another. Again, don't be shy! I welcome comments from anyone. ]
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Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:43 am
This Inner Darkness
ⓒ2006 by Noah Vale
I feel the patter
Of the rain on my face
I watch as it falls
With such quiet grace
I look to the sky
So cloudy and grey
And I ponder the meaning
Of this cold, gloomy day
Downtrodden and wet
The world has become
And in the quiet downpour
My voice is stricken dumb
By the sad melancholy
And the forbidding sky
So darkly oppressing
That I want but to cry
The drops on my face
Appear as the tears
That I have not loosed
O’er the passing years
The tears for my life
And the lives of those
Whom I love dearly
And attempt to keep close
Yet I stand with my fists
Clenched close by my sides
And with eyes to the heavens
I tiredly decide
That despite all the pain
Building up over time
I still shall not cry
For this pain is only mine
I must not reveal
Nay, never must show
That I’m mortally wounded
Hurt, and laid low
These wounds are unseen
And hid deep inside
This cold, broken heart
Which I fear has died
I look up to find
No break in the shroud
Created there by
The dark, frigid clouds
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 12:06 am
requiem4sanity Bereft
ⓒ2007 by Noah ValeMy heart cries out in pain and bereavement of those I once knew Those I once loved They change with the passing sands of time Forget me Forget they loved me The words of love come to their lips But no longer to their hearts Nay, they are far too caught up In that which would bring them the most pleasure. For that is their purpose, their goal: more pleasure And in their pursuit of this, they lose sight of me Brush me aside as one would forget an old toy And you wonder why I feel aged... Because the world changes, the hourglass turns And I am left holding the rags of what once was the present I cry Truly, I cry, and yet You do not see this, for I have hidden it away And e'en if you had seen it, would you only be concerned for the sake of appearance? Those that I love, those that have changed Those that I have lost to the turning of the hourglass I cry out to you I call for you to return to me, to remember me And though you may never, I still... ...want you back. Not too bad, but not terribly good either. You're hiding behind archaic language like "nay" and "e'en" to make yourself sound impressive and it probably works on those that don't read much. Anyone who has read good poetry though will be quick to point out that you don't know how to make use of punctuation and you lack a clear image. This is more angsty teen poetry, which is a starting place, but only that. Focus in on something like the turning of the hourglass. Describe just that. What is reflected in the glass? What does the sand sound like? Can you see every grain of sand or just a steady stream? Give us details like that and then carefully choose your words to convey both the image and the emotion that goes with it. Then you'll be better on your way to a good poem.
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 12:10 am
requiem4sanity This Inner Darkness
ⓒ2006 by Noah ValeI feel the patter Of the rain on my face I watch as it falls With such quiet grace I look to the sky So cloudy and grey And I ponder the meaning Of this cold, gloomy day Downtrodden and wet The world has become And in the quiet downpour My voice is stricken dumb By the sad melancholy And the forbidding sky So darkly oppressing That I want but to cry The drops on my face Appear as the tears That I have not loosed O’er the passing years The tears for my life And the lives of those Whom I love dearly And attempt to keep close Yet I stand with my fists Clenched close by my sides And with eyes to the heavens I tiredly decide That despite all the pain Building up over time I still shall not cry For this pain is only mine I must not reveal Nay, never must show That I’m mortally wounded Hurt, and laid low These wounds are unseen And hid deep inside This cold, broken heart Which I fear has died I look up to find No break in the shroud Created there by The dark, frigid clouds So, because you already wrote a poem that doesn't rhyme, you know that poetry doesn't have to. For the most part, your rhymes here are pretty good, but you need to fix the ones that aren't (read it aloud, you'll be able to tell) and work on your rhythm. You might try picking a poetic form and fitting the image behind this one into it. It's good practice. Free form poetry is difficult to write and usually not a good place for a beginning poet to start.
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