Good day, everyone. First of all I am going to tell you I do not mind at all if you reply to my journals. It's nice to know someone read. This journal will also function for my conversations I will have in the future. I may come across things I haven't told to the person yet that I think might be important to know.


So a little background first: I have been bullied for 15 years in the past, I have always been shy and insecure. I am studying archaeology to become an bachelor archeaologist, at least that's what I'm aiming for at the moment.

I had internship starting november 17. If I remember correctly. That's where the mess started. I faced problems with work. I kept making the same mistakes, I had issues when people told me how to do things as direct confrontations often make me lose all concious and I say yes, uh huh, just to make me forget half of what's been said. Due to that fact some belgian archaeologist said: You're slow of comprehension. I could not disagree on that because I noticed that too. I worked slow, though I tried my best to do it as good as possible. At the last day of the 3rd week I saw a lot of progress and I was enjoying it a lot and thought this was going well.

Anyway, after four weeks of internship, my internship supervisor told me my school internship mentor had come and wanted to talk to me. I was happy to go as I thought I could finally let the contract be sign. But what I heard was: "I am sorry, but I do not see any other option than to adjourn the internship. I was shocked. I could not believe what I was hearing. By those words I saw my whole carreer and future dissolve before my eyes. I felt like crying and I tried my best not to cry. As hard as I tried, tears just came falling down my cheeks even though I tried to hide it.

The school mentor thought there was something in my brain that was blocking me from achieving further advancements. My mom suggested autism. I mailed my coordinator about what happened and I wanted to have an appointment about my future. Because it would take a week, I called the doctor and explained my situation. And he sent a reference note to the mental care service in a town 7 kilometers away.

After two calls and a month time, I finally went to my first intake conversation. What would follow was another, perhaps a third intake conversation. This was to get to know me and try to seek out the problems and me as a person.

Today was the third intake conversation and this time my mom was there too and he asked questions about how I was like when I was a child. Basically from 0 - 21 (21 is the age I carry now) This went pretty well and he said that a real autism test will take place but there is a long waiting list, like 4 - 6 months but since he knows a lot about it and from what he has heard he estimates the chance that I have autism above 50%

Hearing that, didn't upset me. If I do have autism it can solve many questions and it will be known what's wrong with me. Well there is nothign wrong with me as a person. I am a kind, gentle and caring person. Just the brain that's working different.

So that's it for my first journal. I tried to keep it short but I for some reason didn't succeed in that. If you have any questions about my story, do ask. I don't mind answering them.