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 Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:59 am
Not really going to do a whole long introduction. I'll give backstory throughout this when needed.
Wednesday, February 11th, 2:50 am
I am really, really disappointed in myself. I know I need to start going to bed earlier in order to accomplish anything during the day, but I almost feel like I want to set myself up for failure.
I'm supposed to take all of our things to storage, and I just don't want to. Not because I don't think it should be there, because it should, but I honestly don't have the energy to move a car full of stuff by myself...ever.
I think Aaron too often thinks that I'm healthier than I am. I was in the process of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I'm supposed to magically feel better when nothing was done about it, except it forgotten about?
I'm at my wit's end with a lot of things, but no motivation to change anything. I don't see the point in putting effort into anything anymore when all that will happen is that things are ruined shortly after the start.
It's not like anyone is setting me up for success either, though. My parents could care less about how I'm doing. They're letting me stay with them, which is great and wonderful, but I'd as soon sleep on the streets if a hobo could make me feel better emotionally.
And I know that Aaron took this job so that he and I would be stable financially, but being apart from him is so hard. All I want is my best friend back.
I can't even go to sleep anymore, I'm crying so hard.
Feel free to post in my journal anytime.
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 1:09 am
Monday, March 9, 2009 3:03 am
So Aaron lost his job.
I feel as though I'm completely at my wit's end.
Neither of us have a job.
Neither of us have a permanant place to live.
But none of this stops the bills from coming in.
I think I'm going to drop out of school.
I can't take the stress.
I have literally spent the past 2 days in bed crying.
I stopped taking my medication a few weeks ago.
I can't afford any more of it.
I'm surprised I haven't seriously contemplated killing myself yet.
I usually kind of wussy out when things get this hard.
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