Not school related at all.
This is actually really jumbled...
I wish he'd let me in.
Tell me his secrets.
Tell me what's on his mind.
I feel so locked out.
Like I'm on the other side of the world,
when really he's right next to me...
Not physically, but mentally, anywho.
I want to be told that I'm worthless to you.
That you hate me.
That you could care less what happens to me.
It feels more truthful than it really is.
They're all lies.
I'm so unique.
Not weird.
Different in a good light.
I need my creative juices to flow.
I have assignments to vomit onto this computer before the end of this evening.
I like to vomit words onto paper.
Or into a computer.
I don't care who reads them.
Just the feeling of getting rid of these words.
The loss of all that's weighing me down.
Not really losing them though.
They're still on that paper.
Just waiting for someone else to come along and learn the story.
I have to write my autobiography.
I'm at such a loss.
Who would want to read about my life?
I don't want to read about my life.
Half the time, I just want to forget.
I want to curl up into a dark corner and be forgotten.
That's terrible to think.
I'm such a dreadful person.
There are so many people out there who would love to live.
Yet here I am taking my life for granted...
I'm horrible.
Sometimes I wish I could switch places with you.
I wish you could have the chance to live that you never had.
I think about all those things that you never got to experience.
First kiss.
First crush.
Love.
Prom...
What would you be doing if you were here right now?
What would you look like?
Would you be the same as you were before?
You would be tall...
still much taller than me although I'm a year and a half older.
You would be tan.
You always had a perfect complexion.
Your hair would be curly and wonderful.
You would be beautiful, smart, and always wanting to do what you could.
You would be the dancer that you'd always wanted to be.
You would be the lifeguard, working to help others.
You would be the friend who is always willing to help...
I feel as if you are here with me.
I know you are always in my heart.
But it's so much more than that.
You are with me.
You are a part of me.
I don't want to forget you.
I never want to forget.
I fight myself to stop from forgetting.
I think I am losing.
Don't let me forget...
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