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elmoly4life

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:32 pm


i ususaly write to express my thoughts and emotions but i want to know if they are any good i may only show a few for now because i don't have time i show more later(if i misspell forgive me)

Angel, My Angel

your heart beats, your anxious
you know you were ment to be more
but your stuck in a place where
you feel your not at your worth
you dream of bring someone different
but you are afraid of change and what it might do to you
life gives you your cards
and it seems you have been delt the wrong cards
i wish i was an angel, my angel
in control of my own destiny
in control of my abilities and strengths
i wish i was an angel, my angel
you fight to reach your goal
but when your a hero
a hero doesn't want to be a hero


Sacrifice

you sacrifice your life to protect your loved one
you die happy, doing your duty
your loved one shattered because of being unable to protect you
crushed by guilt
they question themselves
if this...
if that...
too many ifs...
too many if i could of...
but not too late to protect the ones left behind
the ones that need you the most
the ones who depend on you the most
the ones who will consuil you in your hour of need
sacrifice, the price to pay for your loved ones growth

 
PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:11 am


And yet we forget that "sacrifice" is also a great excuse to escape and at the same time, lay the burden upon others that cared for us. Forgive me, I'm very critical of such subjects at the moment considering some issues that I am experiencing at the present.

As for constructive criticism, mostly just misspelled words to speak of on the negative side of things "your" instead of "you're" in the first poem. As of the second, well currently, my bias is obvious considering the first statements I made; however, to take things the way you meant it, then it is very much a sad thing, though I would probably have changed a couple words, but that is my style of writing talking.

Overall: Not bad at all and would like to see more of what you can do. Also, sorry, but I have on a hiatus as of late in regards to writing poetry and such. Mostly just various episodes of my bi-polar thoughts flaring and influencing my writing and forcing that writing to manifest in other ways heheh.

Kharne Bloodhowler
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Poetry and Such

 
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