Welcome to Gaia! ::

I was always shy. Except when I was around my friends. But even then, I was a little silent.

I went to a summer camp. It lasts one week, and happens every year, and I have to go whether I like it or not. It is an all girls camp.

First year: Summer of '07.

When I first arrived at midday (a little after), all was great. A friend was with me. We went to the area we would call our home for the week. As we chose where we were sleeping, other girls arrived. I wanted to be in the same tent as my friend because.. well.. she was my friend and someone I knew. After that, we had to go to the dining hall (and surrounding area) to be welcomed to camp, and do some activities. That took about three hours. Heading back to our camp, we started talking, and getting to know each other. We got on the topic of day/night, and what we liked better. I stated that I liked the night better. One of the girls suggested that it was so I could come rape them in the night, and two or three other girls were like "YEAHH!". I mostly ignored them. By that time, we all had our tents picked. So, we talked about going into the larger tent and have a let's-talk-about-everything party. I thought it would be fun, so I simply said: "That sounds fun!" We had nothing else left to do for the day. So, I went to go lay down. My friend (I'm going to name her Jess), being a social butterfly went and interacted with the other girls.

**FLASHBACK** I had Jess over at my house. We were up in my room talking as we flipped through old yearbooks. Jess quickly labeled someone as gay. I wondered aloud what my mom would think if I turned out to be gay, as she is rather anti-gay. (I do not share the same view, but no one knows that... And I'm straight)

That party didn't end up happening. I wasn't all that miffed, really. So Jess came back into our tent and told me she needed to tell me something. But we had just been called out into the middle by our leaders/chaperones to review rules. Afterwards, we went back into the tent and I remembered that Jess had something to tell me. Of course, I asked her about it.

Brushing it off, Jess said "Oh, its nothing.".

I pushed for an answer, and I got it.

"Some girls think you're lesbian"

I was shocked. I was filled with rage. It was the first day. They hardly even know me. I had hardly spoken a word! How could they be so judgemental? Sexuality isn't something you assume about someone. Of course I asked why they thought such a thing.

"Oh, its because you like the dark, and mmm, you just HAD to be in the same tent with me, and you got REALLY excited about the party thing, and you're like quiet. But don't worry, it happens to everyone."

I remember it word for word. At that point, my SAD was just a phobia. My worst fear had happened. From such small, irrelevant things, people made a false accusation. In their eyes, I was... not good enough (for lack of a better word/phrase)? They had made judgements. What other small things have I said to people that they could misunderstand? Have others, more than those at camp made false judgements? How long has it happened?

I ask Jess who it was... And she wouldn't tell me. Why not? I don't know. That flashback that I shared with you earlier. Upon later thought I pretty much think it was more than those reason. I think she had twisted what I had said that one day into a confession.

*TO BE CONTINUED, because I've taken too long to write this. And as odd as this sounds, I'm almost in tears, remembering this whole experience. It is such a painful memory to me. This will become more apparant as more of the story is told*