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Dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!):

Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?

Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?

They disappeared.

Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Nothing.

Nothing?

It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

How do I tell?

Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

What's a sea-prompt?

Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?

There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Does you monitor have a power indicator?

What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

I don't know.

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Yes, I think so.

Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Yes, it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

No.

Well there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Okay, here it is.

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

I can't reach.

Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

No.

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.

Dark?

Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.

I can't.

No? Why not?

Because there's a power failure.

A power .... a power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Really is it that bad?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Well alright then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Ask for your money back, because you're too damn stupid to own a computer

NEXT!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are
almost dead?

________________________________


Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they
already
know there is not enough money?

________________________________


Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but
have to check when
you say the paint is still wet?

________________________________




Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

________________________________


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
when you throw a
revolver at him?

________________________________


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

________________________________


Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

________________________________


If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

________________________________


Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always
white?

________________________________


Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

________________________________


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
hopes that something
new to eat will have materialized?

________________________________


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put
it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?

________________________________


Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your
first try?

________________________________


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?

________________________________


When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
with a shopping cart
then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all
right?' Well,
it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt,
why
don't you watch where you're going?'

________________________________


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?

________________________________


In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was
in summer when we
complained about the heat?

________________________________


How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

________________________________


And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four
persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.

Ok im done biggrin Submit your own

Pfft... Details!

We still do have Cro Magnons. They is us.

crying You ruined it!!!

Not you fuzzy scream

In my avatar?

There's me and some girls and some cake. No need to complicate things further.

i have a really serious yet stupid question.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape? or shoplifting?